this is where we've been and look where we're going

it's amazing how time flies. this blog has been home to my thoughts on dating and relationships for the last 4 over years. and it's grown to become a special and important part of my life which i hide from everyone else in my "real" life.

recently i've been reading through my past entries, looking back on where i've been, how far i've come and it's been an interesting walk down memory lane. some random guys i could hardly remember, others who i wondered what on earth came over me to be so smitten with them, and a few that back then took a shine to me.

but i suppose for the most part, there's no real loss. the guys themselves have moved on. most vanished completely from my life, a select few who i still "keep in touch" with (or at least i still could if either of us wanted to) as technically they are still on my IM or online social utility site friend list, and some others who i make a point to know what's going on in their lives even if they don't always know it (yes, i "stalk" haha!).

it was in mid-walk of this memory lane that i decided to try and hunt down past people that i "dated" randomly, basically the boys that i've mentioned here in the last 4 years. some of them i already pretty much knew where they were at now but others weren't on my friends list (and even after hunting them down, i still wasn't intending to add them) and i thought it would be interesting to try and see if i could even find any information on them.

and here are the results of my find:

dj guy - i may not have seen or talked to him in at least over a year and even back then he was already engaged. but from my own nosy sleuthing i know that he's since broken up with his fiancee and has a new girlfriend.

london guy friend - he's on my friends list which have led me to find out that his (i think) german girlfriend gave birth to their son in february. they got married a month later. seems like the wedding must have been quite a surprise to even his friends.

texas curly - based on our last email "communication" in january, he told me that he got married in april 2008. he's also since started a tailor shop making custom made suits. a lil research (it's not really considered snooping if he gave me his company name to begin with haha!) showed that he came in second place in a new entrepreneur of the year award and made me even more impressed. i also found him on the online social utility site and couldn't see much other than his profile pic of a fun picture with him and his gorgeous wife. did i mention that she's gorgeous? i thought for a very long time (and trust me, i really did) and in the end decided to add him to my friends list... and hope he never really wonders how on earth i found him online...

marvy's setup - i found him on the online social utility site and couldn't see much other than his profile pic. he's looking good though (to be fair, he always looked better in pictures than in real life) and also looks like he's happily attached / married. i'm not sure if she's the "love of his life" from china that he met right after he got set up with me.

(now ex) key account executive - i keep in touch with him on IM every now and then when he signs in. bout a couple of years ago he had a kid but is still continuing to battle marital woes.

the aussie podiatrist - i couldn't find him on the online social utility site and for some reason, i was determined enough to dig up something that i googled him. i didn't realise that he's been responsible for giving the expert's opinion on certain podiatry related press releases. i found out that his (now not so) new workplace is actually rather close to mine. there was also a picture of him. he's not looking as good as before... i think he's balding.

family friend's setup - i'm still in contact with the friend who set us up and very occasionally i drop an IM to say hey to my family friend's setup (in fact just after writing bout him, i dropped him another IM). but from our friend, i found out that he has a slightly on/off girlfriend. our friend doesn't even know what's going on. sometimes it's good, then it's off, then it's on again. apparently she's a great girl though.

the french banterer - i found him on the online social utility site and was surprised that we have 2 mutual friends (though i only really consider one of those girls my friends. i'm pretty sure he knows her through work.) i browsed through a few of his photos. somehow he looks different or maybe i just can't recognise him anymore. i'm unsure bout his relationship status though.

poet guy - i found him on the online social utility site and was surprised that we have a mutual friend... incidentally it was my uni classmate that i "dated" who since got married to our uni classmate. i couldn't see much other than his profile pic but he looks like he's happily attached / married.

chatty triathlete - i found him on the online social utility site, and as expected, we have a mutual friend in the form of my friend's (who was formerly based in dubai who subsequently became my colleague) husband. and as i heard, i saw evidence in photos that he got married in dec 2009, a year after he got together with her. he doesn't look too bad but i'm still definitely way cuter than her.

the serious one - not that he's important but i've been running into him recently near wherer i work in town. in any case, he's on my friend's list and it was there that i learnt that he's engaged. i think she works near my workplace.

drummer boy - the only one who i'm actually quite in touch with over IM. and well i already mentioned that he's thinking of getting married in 3-5 years time.

the swedish guy - the last time i saw him was in december 2009. that said, i do think bout him every now and then. he's on my friends list and ever so often i'd see a status update stating that he was off to another one of his short holidays. i still think that's the main reason why we didn't get more serious. he claimed that he was ready for a girlfriend, but his lifestyle showed otherwise.

i guess the main theme is that almost everyone that i "dated" in the last 4 years is now coupled up be it married, engaged or just attached. it's good to know that i didn't remain completely single either.

this has definitely been one very interesting nostalgic walk.

one day

many things can happen in one day...

a few years ago i ventured very gingerly into the world of online dating. i put up my profile in a few sites but never dared to add in a picture.

fast forward to now.

recently my best friend attempted online dating and urged me to give it a go. in part it was to 'keep her company' and in another part it was to find out what all the hype was bout.

yesterday my profile was up and running. i even bravely added in a picture.

the responses so far have been rather overwhelming. i've had loads of winks, a number of emails and IM adds. i've winked at a few guys that seemed interesting, answered a number of emails, chatted with some guys and even blocked one guy. one guy i chatted with told me that he likes me and wants to chase me. another guy within 1 minute of our chat (and the chat must have only lasted 2 minutes) gave me his number and asked if i wanted to go out for a drink tonight.

all this in one day.

but also in this one day, i've been sorta paranoid. i wonder if one day while happily walking down the street, someone is going to recognise me from my profile picture.

maybe i'm not cut out for online dating?

that said, i have cut off some other past guys. i audited the aussie podiatrist and scottish cat man outta my phone book. scottish cat man 'coz he failed to respond to a few of my friendly text messages. the aussie podiatrist for contacting my party girl asking bout her plans instead of calling me like he initially said. i decided that i'm just not gonna bother.

and instead i'm starting on something new... at least to me it is... the world of online dating.

i wonder how long i'll last... i already have this urge to take my profile down...

the email

if i'm being honest with myself, i'll admit that when it comes to guys i'm not always very honest. i play games sometimes 'coz i'm scared. scared to lay my cards on the table. scared of a possible rejection.

this morning i received an email from the aussie podiatrist. his first email. finding his name in my inbox surprised me. and after all that happened on saturday i was a lil nervous. what could he possibly say? did it have anything to do with my party girl? could it be bout us? i didn't quite dare to read the email.

when i did, i wasn't sure what to make of it.

"i'm just emailing about what happened the other night. i just want to apologise for the way i acted. i was fairly drunk and it was wrong of me to kiss you the way i did. i don't want to sound rude, but it wasn't very nice of me to do so."

i was surprised that he even bothered to acknowledge what happened. all other random guys i've kissed never did actually acknowledge what happened (except for the youngest one. then again he was the only one i actually talked to for hours on the phone).

but of 'coz i knew there was a catch somewhere in this email...

"jo, i think you're a great girl, you're really funny and intelligent, but i can't offer you much more than being a good friend. i didn't mean to give you the wrong impression, but all i can offer you is friendship"

and there it was. the catch. the reason for his email.

"you deserve better than someone like me, someone who can actually offer you a quality relationship and spend time with you, not the dribs and drabs that i can offer"

along with it came the classic "you deserve better" statement. yes i already know that i deserve the best. then again it's hard to find someone who can actually offer me that quality relationship that i deserve.

"i'm very sorry jo, but can we just remain friends for the time being?"

the "let's be friends" is another classic statement. for the time being? what on earth does that mean? it's almost like giving false hope. not that i wished he had said "you?? no way!"

"please don't feel bad, you're an awesome girl and you can do much better than an average person like me."

there it is... the padding up. the "it's not you, it's me".

and of 'coz the final offer of the 'let's be friends' card...

"i hope we can still remain good friends. i'd like to be able to hang out with you still."

all that said, i have to admit that i admire his straightforwardness and courage.

"many other guys would have just stopped contacting or whatever and left the girl wondering what on earth went on there"

i should know. 'coz i've met my fair share of those guys.

"so i guess in some way i didn't dare to read too much into whatever that happened between us that night."

somehow i felt the need to be honest since he was being so honest. more honest than i usually am... ever.

"not that i regret anything or wished it didn't happen. i admit that i do like you but was also still in the whole getting to know you stage to seriously think of anything more than friendship."

now it was my turn to pad it up and accept the "let's be friends" offer...

"you're a great guy, funny and really nice to talk to and i would definitely love to hang out with you still and continue to get to know you better. wouldn't wanna lose a friend."

i still wasn't sure what to make of it.

then my party girl called me in the evening.

my party girl: babe did i give *insert the aussie podiatrist's name* my number?
jo: i don't know... why?
my party girl: 'coz he called me twice today

how strange. on the very day that he sends me a "dear jo" email. i admit that i felt weird and couldn't quite talk to my party girl bout it. though i appreciated that she wanted to let me know. they didn't talk much 'coz she was busy at work and i used that excuse to escape having to talk further with her.

but i admit that it messed me up inside.

and i realised that sometimes i'm scared that i'm scared that with every failure i'm becoming more beaten down. that sometimes it's soo tiring to keep going on and on with every emotional pain. and the worst thing is that i almost learned to live with the heartbreak.

later at night he called.

he apologised for emailing me instead of calling me but that he was busy. yes, and yet he could call my party girl twice.

i think it's kinda funny. he seemed nervous and stammered a lil when we were past the 'how was your day' pleasantries and got to talking bout the email. by comparison i was cool as a cucumber though the entire day i was pretty much a mess.

he explained that he just came to town and just got out of a relationship (which he told me bout before. his ex girlfriend of 6 years cheated on him.) he thinks i'm a (in his own words) top girl but that for the time being (what's up with him using this phrase?) we should just be friends. he then said that he wasn't that good a guy. i should have told him that a bad guy is already an improvement from a felon. before we ended the call, he said that he'd call me again and we'll hang out next week. we'll see.

anyhow i'm still not sure how i'm feeling bout it all. i think maybe i'll just try not to think too much bout it. doesn't help 'coz i do actually like the guy.

trying to keep unaffected...

it's been kinda a crazy time lately. what with exams and a stressful and fast paced new job. i guess i kinda went a lil crazy this weekend...

friday night i was just chilling out in the cozy hole-in-the-wall bar with my party girl and the yummy mommy. the bartender aka dj guy and i were joking around a lil as usual. the yummy mommy and the female bartender actually asked me if i liked him. i found out that he's single again. we've always had some kind of chemistry and sometimes it feels like something could go on but maybe it won't ever will. that said, at times i feel like i should just straight up tell him to kiss me already so i don't have to keep wondering what it might be like.

that night i ran into scottish cat man. now that's one guy that i haven't seen in absolutely ages. in fact i was so shocked to see him. but we reconnected again and after turning down his impromptu offer to go over to his place on saturday night, i met up with him for a quick cuppa on sunday night. we're supposed to meet up for dinner some time this week. will see how that goes. but so far he's been texting me everyday since friday.

on saturday night, my party girl, the yummy mommy and i met up with a few other friends to play pool and have a drink. feeling annoyed that the youngest one didn't reply to my text, i decided to text the aussie podiatrist. we wound up joining him and his friends in another club. that's where things got a lil strange and confusing...

my party girl and the aussie podiatrist got along really well. maybe too well... i'm not sure how i feel bout it. in between their conversation, he and i managed to have a bit of a play fight which left me with a bruise on my wrist. that turned into a kissing session. he's not a bad kisser but he's not the best either. but it was fun that he's a playful kisser. though it's hard not to, i keep telling myself that i can't afford to think that this means anything. afterall he didn't contact me again. and after i left he went with my party girl to another bar so i'm not sure what happened there. it's not that i necessarily mind my friends getting along with a guy i like but if i'm honest i admit that it was a lil weird for me that my party girl and the aussie podiatrist got along that well. i don't know...

i think maybe the whole prick04 and my oldest school friend drama kinda affected me more than i realised. or at least i'm less over it then i thought i was. but i suppose at least this time i'm more open in saying something. so even though i was tempted to just pretend everything was okay, i didn't. and kinda brought up the subject to my party girl rather hesitantly. i didn't say much. just outlined why sometimes i feel weird. i'm not sure what will happen but this much i know... i'm getting scared 'coz i think i'm liking the aussie podiatrist too much...

and the youngest one never did reply to me. i should have let it go, be done with it. but 'coz today is his 21st birthday i decided to IM him. apparently he was drunk by the time i texted on saturday and spent the whole weekend hungover. well i told myself i'm done here. i probably am.

thankfully one of the funniest things was when shy colleague and i went to watch a movie. when we were buying the tickets, the lady at the ticket counter asked if we wanted a couple seat. there was a beat of silence as we were both stunned for a moment then i couldn't quite stop giggling.

and of 'coz there was this whole banana cake incident with someone...

i saw him while he was selling some stuff for a fund raising event. he was promoting his mom's banana cake. of 'coz i had to buy some. and they were yummy. so i texted him joking that he should learn to bake. he then suggested that i go learn from his mom. of 'coz i was like yeah. i mean like duh right? he said that he'll see if he could get a few other interested people. i didn't dare say that i would even go alone. anyhow i'm not holding my breath. at least i'm trying not to.

this is hard. suddenly everything in my life seems so hard...

epiphany

this weekend has been one of epiphanies.

i think that maybe i'm starting to see the youngest one more and more clearly. for one, he's not very encouraging or reassuring. and i think he has a limited range of interest which by comparison makes me seem like i have loads more interests. and he doesn't understand that. maybe he's too young. or maybe he just can't comprehend anything beyond himself.

but what's most annoying of all is that he can't seem to make any future plans and actually keep to 'em. i can't trust his word.

it's sad to realise that perhaps i've reached a point where i don't trust the word of many guys.

yesterday i was home at night when i decided to text the aussie podiatrist 'coz he had mentioned last week bout perhaps meeting up this week. turns out he was at a work event and said that he would be heading out later and would give me a call. well he didn't. though i didn't really mind spending a quiet night at home 'coz of the previous night.

friday was a pretty busy day. my party girl and i went for a film festival event. and then we headed over to the cozy hole-in-the-wall bar that we usually frequent. it was a pretty nice chill out time which seems to be what i've been preferring lately. though i had a fair bit to drink. before i left, i said goodbye to the bartender aka dj guy. as we leaned in for our usual cheek kiss, he asked why i only texted him once last week. and then he asked if i was free on sunday to meet up. i said i was and asked him to contact me later. to be nice, later when i reached home i texted him joking bout how now he can't say i only texted him once. he never replied. all well and good but come today, i didn't hear from him at all either. and i wasn't bout to contact him to ask.

i guess i just wished that i meant enough to any of these guys for 'em to at least remember what they said to me, what they promised. i would have. even as friends.

the worst thing is a part of me was perhaps expecting it. i think along the way i've just learnt not to trust. or maybe i was just trying to lower my expectations so i wouldn't get disappointed. sometimes i worry that if i don't trust guys maybe i won't ever meet that amazing guy for me. but at the same time i can't help but approach with caution. especially since i seem to get proven time and time again why i shouldn't trust a guy.

i'm just really tired of this all...

my party girl's birthday

birthdays are always big party events especially when it's the birthday of one of the party people.

saturday was the birthday celebrations of my party girl. to be honest i was entirely tired out from friday night's party adventures but it's my party girl, she's my good friend, and i can't say no.

and so i made my way to the cozy lil hold-in-the-wall bar that we usually frequent.

as i was on my way, the aussie podiatrist texted me asking if i was out as he was out having a few drinks. he was near where i was gonna be and so i invited him along. afterall it was that very bar where we first met. he came along with another friend of his. it was nice seeing him again. he didn't stay long though 'coz they had already made plans to meet up with a bunch of other guys in another club. but i appreciated that he came by.

it was a pretty crazy night. there were vodkas and all kinds of shots. there was no dancing but my party girl, the yummy mommy and i did manage to have some rather tipsy emotional conversations. the rest of the time i spent talking to a couple of guys, getting a massage from a guy i'm acquainted with and flirting with the bartender aka dj guy. it's wrong of me 'coz he has a girlfriend though in some rare moment of honesty he admits that he doesn't meet her much and i infer that things don't seem to be going too well. but i can't help but feel this chemistry whenever i see him. i love hugging him and the way he holds my waist. and i don't think it's purely one-sided either. usually we flirt a lil mildly but this time i was tipsy enough to boldly tell him that i wished we had a chance to go out. i'm not sure what was his response. anyhow i don't think anything will happen.

that said the night went pretty well. though i wished that the aussie podiatrist stayed. we exchanged one or two texts through the course of the night. but it was his last one at 5.15am that got me thinking...

the aussie podiatrist: hey sorry didn't hear my phone. just got home. come round if ur not going to sleep or won't get in trouble (haha)? just joking. but feel free to come round. :)
jo: you should have told me earlier... before i got home haha!

but of 'coz he was kinda drunk...

****

a few days ago i asked the youngest one out for dinner on saturday. no fancy or cheeky wording. just straight up casual. bare bones. he didn't decline immediately but since his bike was in the shop, he said he'd get back to me again. well of 'coz come saturday i had to be the one to ask since i didn't hear from him one way or another. turns out his bike is still in the shop and in true the youngest one fashion, he's too lazy to go anywhere without his bike.

i know all of this but oh i still keep trying...

bout throwing in the towel

the weekend felt a lil more like my usual weekends... the ones i actually used to have before i lost my mojo. not that i found it back again but at least i wasn't home on a weekend night getting bored and being boring.

my party girl and i got to hang out all weekend. and it was nice. but i still obviously haven't learnt to keep my phone away from me. i texted the aussie podiatrist and key account executive. yes, apparently key account executive was back in the picture for the later half of last week when we were emailing back and forth a fair bit. but apparently he's out of the picture again since he didn't reply. at least the aussie podiatrist replied... the next day. he asked me what i was up to for the night and when i told him my plans and asked him bout his, he never replied. anyhow i've decided to put symbols in front of their numbers (like i did with the youngest one) to prevent further tipsy texting in the future.

and then i'm really gonna be done.

then again that's what i said bout the youngest one and look where that got me... IMing him on sunday evening that's what. and it was just like old times. it felt great. i really do miss that guy.

and as fate would have it, this morning at the bus stop and then again during lunch i sniffed out his armani code perfume. i literally went "uh oh".

but i guess i'm glad that even though the last time i saw any action was with the youngest one, i'm not that desperate enough to agree to a random guy in the pub's request for a kiss. he seemed okay in the beginning. an aussie golfer. we chatted easily. but then he started to exude kinda sleazy vibes at some points. his face was getting too close to mine... then he planted a surprise kiss on my cheek and asked if he could kiss me. the answer was no. even though i could do with some action, that's so not the guy i want anything to do with. i think at this point the person i really wanna have some action with is just the youngest one.

yep, so what did i say again bout being done?

friday fun

on friday i went out partying with my colleagues. it was somewhat different from what i'm used to with my party girls. but a nice difference. it was good to hang out with a bunch of people and getting up to crazy antics just all within the group instead of all that random pickups. i would love to do this more often but maybe i won't get the chance to in future?

so in one drinking game we played, i lost and as a pre-arranged forteit for the loser, i had to kiss shy colleague... on the cheek of 'coz, 'coz we're playing it safe. he got pretty nervous and really even though it's not a big deal to me, i didn't wanna appear all forward. i suppose with colleagues there's still a certain 'reputation' i have to maintain. in the end i was kinda like heck it and just grabbed him and gave him a loud smack on the cheek. there. over and done with.

i think that night a few of the crazier people really brought out and taught shy colleague a lotta things. he's just not used to this kind of lifestyle. 'coz we're friends i just had to make sure that he was okay... especially since i think he had more than his usual share of drinks...

jo: hey you're okay right?
shy colleague: haha i'm fine thank you! very much safe!
jo: haha! okay... hope you had fun... and didn't get too traumatised...
shy colleague: yup haha but i'm always bullied hehe! but fun.. and i got a kiss from the hot babe oh my..

on a separate note... i obviously didn't learn from my mistake and keep my phone away from me.

the day before i chatted with the youngest one over IM and he said that he would be home on friday night 'coz lately he's just been feeling lazy. for some reason i decided to make sure...

jo: so are you really home? haha!
the youngest one: yup at home
jo: haha! i can't believe it. it's like i don't know you anymore haha!

and that was it.

sometimes i can't believe myself.

now what i've done is to put symbols in front of his phone number so that even though his number is still there in my phone, i won't be able to contact him without having to delete those symbols first. and i'm hoping that in a tipsy state, that will be harder to do and eventually i won't even bother.

well i suppose at least i excersied restraint when it came to the aussie podiatrist. 'coz seriously i was this close to texting him. but hey i figured i had already called him the other night. and he didn't get back to me on whether he was going to be out of town this weekend or not.

i really hate all of this. i don't wanna be emotionally attached. no more trying for me.

keep my phone away from me

last night i met up with a family friend and his friend for drinks. by the time i reached the bar at 7pm, the 2 guys had already settled in comfortably with their bottle of johnnie walker. so i spent some time playing catch up while grabbing some food from the bar. it was a pretty good time.

then my family friend's wife joined us after work. she doesn't drink which i think somehow dampened the mood a lil.

by 10pm we all started making our way home.

what the?

i was only just getting started. i was all nicely fuelled up for 3 hours and it was only now that i was feeling playful and wanting to get my groove on.

it's times like these when my phone should be kept far away from me.

example 1:

somehow i decided to pick up from where i left of tipsy texting with the youngest one last weekend...

jo: so are you being boring and staying home? :p

he never replied...

it irked me more especially since he was online this morning. but i bided my time.

the youngest one: hey sorry you msg me last nite i was asleep already
the youngest one: you went out?

we then proceeded to have a bit of an IM conversation. i'm pathetic 'coz it made me happy to hear from him.

example 2:

i had already texted the aussie podiatrist a lil earlier while i was still in the bar. it was kinda just a hey to break the "3-day rule".

jo: heya! howz it going? :p

he took a while to reply...

the aussie podiatrist: g'day ms jo. what's cooking? sorry bout late reply just got out of a meeting. how has your week been? i've been swamped, had 50 patients today. how is study going? :)
jo: you actually counted? dude you're too free haha! i'm good. had a tough few days. having some drinks with friends

i hadn't heard back from him by the time my friends figured it was time to go... so i did the next best thing which was to call him...

the aussie podiatrist: hey dudet, sorry i missed your call. was in the shower. tried to call back but can't get through. what's cooking?
jo: so hey why are you home again?

it was then that he called me and we chatted briefly. but i was still the taxi with my friends so i called him back when i got off and we chatted more.

later when i was more sobered up and got home i texted him...

jo: thanks for keeping me company... happy reading?

he didn't reply. yes, he had readings to do and had to be up at 5am but it would have been nice to get a reply...

oh well... looks like i really need to consider forgetting to bring my phone when i'm out drinking...

the single girl's solo night out

it's strange how sometimes even though you're technically doing social stuff it can still feel like you're not having a social life.

saturday was one of 'em days.

i was so entirely bored on saturday night that i just had to get out. nevermind that the day started off early for me nor that i had a recently sprained ankle or that i couldn't actually find a friend to hang out with. i just needed out.

so i decided to make my way to the bar that i usually frequent. it's a cozy lil hole-in-the-wall place where i knew the owner and the bartender (dj guy who i just found out is attached) and knew that i would feel comfy there even in my lonesome.

turns out that essentially it was just the 3 of us. and we all wound up lying on the pool table sleeping and/or watching sports on the tv.

i was bored. but it was definitely better than being bored at home.

however i figured it was a good idea to text the youngest one and then subsequently to call him. he was pretty friendly though not particular engaging. then again he was watching his cartoons and heading to bed soon.

i was getting increasingly bored despite that by this time a few girls and guys had entered the bar. just when i was bout to leave, this aussie guy chatted with me. somehow we just got along really well, chatting bout so many different things and i just felt so comfy with him. so i changed my mind and decided to stay.

he's a podiatrist which was a really choice time given my sprained ankle. and he's also really sporty and has done triathlons. so he gave me tips on how to promote a faster healing to my ankle as well as how to overcome some of my foot structure problems.

he's also 24 years old. yes, how do i still manage to pick 'em younger guys? haha!

apparently we got along so well such that his guy friends had to pull him aside for a while and tell him that one of the girls they were with was pretty upset with us. turns out his guy friends' girlfriends was fixing him up with their friend. they were all at their house party earlier so i'm guessing they should have had plenty of time to chat then. however he isn't even interested in her and told me that she isn't his type. i wonder what's his type. physically he isn't really my type. he's definitely cute though barely taller than me and waay too muscular. but he's just really nice and easy to talk to.

anyhow i went home in a really happy mood... and slightly tipsy. which is when i made the decision to give it a last try with the youngest one...

jo: you know what? i think i like you... or maybe i'm just a bit drunk haha!

i don't even know why i told him. out of all my tipsy texting in life (and i really try not to and haven't done any in a while), i've never actually told anyone that i liked him before. but at the same time it felt so freeing. like at that instance when i told him, i let go.

he didn't reply.

which in some way i suppose i got my reply. but i still felt free. maybe i found the cure to liking someone. telling him. or maybe it was from meeting someone new.

by sunday, i still didn't hear from him and when the alcohol wore off, i felt a need to explain...

jo: oh man...just ignore everything i said last night... i was a lil drunk haha!
the youngest one: haha.. i guessed as much you were kinda gone.. haha.. no worries

then we proceeded to have a bit of a chat over text messaging. it felt nice and normal again.

and anyhow all wasn't lost... the aussie podiatrist asked me out for a movie and dinner on sunday. and it was really great fun. we seemed to have expressed interest in hanging out again. but i can't tell if it's just platonic?


lessons learnt:

1. it's freeing to tell someone you like that you like 'em. hmm maybe i should do it more often?
2. the best way to cure yourself from liking someone is to tell him
3. if that doesn't work, find someone new
4. maybe i should head out alone more often haha!