out of the blue

this whole thing with dj guy is getting a lil crazy...

so on thursday out of the blue i toyed with the idea of actually telling him how i felt.

now i have no idea why i suddenly thought of this. and i didn't even know what i wanted to say. i mean i'm definitely attracted and perhaps on some level i wanna get to know him better. yet at the same time i know that there isn't really any future there. so why would i even suddenly even think of saying anything? is it 'coz somehow it's easier to tell someone you like 'em after you've had a few drinks and made out with 'em. must be one of 'em weird random thoughts.

thank goodness i decided to talk it through with my good friend who then convinced me otherwise. nothing like having a friend remind you that it's a just-for-the-booty thing and yet supportive enough to acknowledge that sometimes it is better to just tell so then you'll know.

come friday it was the usual... my party girl, the yummy mommy and me in cozy hole-in-the-wall bar. except that the girls were feeling especially tired out and went home before midnight. i was determined to stay out and enjoy myself so i stayed on.

the bar was especially quiet and the bartender aka dj guy and i even managed to actually have some sort of conversation. i also had a bit of a chat with a few other people, one of whom is a regular.

that conversation was rather funny... out of the blue he mentioned the guy from the wedding and how back then at the wedding he kept on asking me why was i even bothering with the guy from the wedding. apparently he said that there were so many other guys who liked me and i could do better. he then made it a point to point out that dj guy was one of 'em. what was funny (and slightly appalling) was that i don't quite remember ever having such a conversation with him. turns out that that random kissing with the guy from the wedding seemed to have caused a fair bit of 'commotion'.

for the very first time i stayed till the bar closed. dj guy asked me to. and besides it was a quiet night so he closed up early. after everyone else had left, he backed me up against the bar and we made out. as usual it was hot. there were the sweeter moments and then the more intense ones. i like that so far he's been rather respectful and is careful to stay within my boundaries. i still have no idea what's going on. he actually said he loves me but i brushed that away with a pinch of salt. i know working in the night life is really tough but it's not like he's really trying to actually ask me out. this just might be one of 'em weird happenings... but i can't deny that a part of me misses him and really wants to know him better...

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today was another slightly earlier start to the day as i made plans to meet chatty triathlete and his triathlete teammates for lunch. i'm beginning to feel a bit more comfy with 'em and even chatted rather easily with some of 'em. they are a pretty friendly bunch as they remembered me from the last meeting last week. i'm not sure when is their next social meeting or if i will even be invited but i do hope to get to know 'em better.

after lunch, chatty triathlete and i spent the rest of the day together. we do get along but it's pretty much platonic for me... i'll have to find a way to steer it in the friends direction without really losing him as a friend...

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on another note, the guy based in missouri might be long distance, but we've been emailing and IMing pretty regularly... he's always such a pleasure to talk to... if only i could have that massive raw physical attraction to him...

it's all confusing... sometimes i just wanna stop this 'dating' entirely...