out of the blue

this whole thing with dj guy is getting a lil crazy...

so on thursday out of the blue i toyed with the idea of actually telling him how i felt.

now i have no idea why i suddenly thought of this. and i didn't even know what i wanted to say. i mean i'm definitely attracted and perhaps on some level i wanna get to know him better. yet at the same time i know that there isn't really any future there. so why would i even suddenly even think of saying anything? is it 'coz somehow it's easier to tell someone you like 'em after you've had a few drinks and made out with 'em. must be one of 'em weird random thoughts.

thank goodness i decided to talk it through with my good friend who then convinced me otherwise. nothing like having a friend remind you that it's a just-for-the-booty thing and yet supportive enough to acknowledge that sometimes it is better to just tell so then you'll know.

come friday it was the usual... my party girl, the yummy mommy and me in cozy hole-in-the-wall bar. except that the girls were feeling especially tired out and went home before midnight. i was determined to stay out and enjoy myself so i stayed on.

the bar was especially quiet and the bartender aka dj guy and i even managed to actually have some sort of conversation. i also had a bit of a chat with a few other people, one of whom is a regular.

that conversation was rather funny... out of the blue he mentioned the guy from the wedding and how back then at the wedding he kept on asking me why was i even bothering with the guy from the wedding. apparently he said that there were so many other guys who liked me and i could do better. he then made it a point to point out that dj guy was one of 'em. what was funny (and slightly appalling) was that i don't quite remember ever having such a conversation with him. turns out that that random kissing with the guy from the wedding seemed to have caused a fair bit of 'commotion'.

for the very first time i stayed till the bar closed. dj guy asked me to. and besides it was a quiet night so he closed up early. after everyone else had left, he backed me up against the bar and we made out. as usual it was hot. there were the sweeter moments and then the more intense ones. i like that so far he's been rather respectful and is careful to stay within my boundaries. i still have no idea what's going on. he actually said he loves me but i brushed that away with a pinch of salt. i know working in the night life is really tough but it's not like he's really trying to actually ask me out. this just might be one of 'em weird happenings... but i can't deny that a part of me misses him and really wants to know him better...

****

today was another slightly earlier start to the day as i made plans to meet chatty triathlete and his triathlete teammates for lunch. i'm beginning to feel a bit more comfy with 'em and even chatted rather easily with some of 'em. they are a pretty friendly bunch as they remembered me from the last meeting last week. i'm not sure when is their next social meeting or if i will even be invited but i do hope to get to know 'em better.

after lunch, chatty triathlete and i spent the rest of the day together. we do get along but it's pretty much platonic for me... i'll have to find a way to steer it in the friends direction without really losing him as a friend...

****

on another note, the guy based in missouri might be long distance, but we've been emailing and IMing pretty regularly... he's always such a pleasure to talk to... if only i could have that massive raw physical attraction to him...

it's all confusing... sometimes i just wanna stop this 'dating' entirely...

birthday kisses

as suspected, last night's birthday celebration party was pretty crazy.

my party girl and the yummy mommy planned the whole thing. and i gotta love my girls 'coz they sure plan for a good time.

i don't know how word got round but somehow there were all kinds of people who i knew from the club scene who stopped by cozy hole-in-the-wall bar to wish me and join in the party. in fact word travelled so far that even the guy from the wedding heard bout it and was a lil hurt that i didn't invite him. in fact i didn't invite anyone. the girls were the ones. but to be honest i didn't invite him 'coz i knew it would get complicated with the bartender aka dj guy there.

not that last night wasn't complicated enough as it is. my party girl brought along her new friend, a 23 year old danish guy. he's a cutie but oh so short. we were dancing and he was twirling me around and around. we were play fighting. we kissed. well okay we pecked on the lips which in my case doesn't really translate into an actual kiss. afterall i pecked one of the owners of cozy hole-in-the-wall bar on the lips as well. that was a lil weird. but oh well.

dj guy was teasing me bout the danish guy. i merely rolled my eyes. somewhere along the way the danish guy somehow got into his head that dj guy and i looked cute together and the yummy mommy agreed whole heartedly. i have no idea how he got to that conclusion. but apparently according to my party girl, it's pretty darn obvious to everyone that there is just some sort of thing going on between dj guy and i. the danish guy decided that it would be fun to ask that dj guy and i kiss for the camera. i've learnt that dj guy is pretty respectful and not really an exhibitionist. or maybe he was just at his workplace. in the end we shared a chaste kiss for the camera. i didn't see the picture, but i'm guessing it's not a big deal 'coz i purposely angled myself away.

is that the only lip-locking action dj guy and i had? no way.

as i was leaving, he held the door open for me. he said that he just recovered from a cold and didn't wanna kiss me. i was thinking oh heck i'm kinda recovering from a cold too and beckoned him over just outside the doors of the bar.

we made out for at least a good 10 mins. it was just so hot. he whispered bout the things he could do to me. i'm not sure what things. he didn't say. i can only imagine. he noted bout how we just couldn't stop. he had a point there. it was like neither one of us really wanted to stop. but the bar didn't run by itself so ultimately he had to get back there. before we parted he said that we definitely have to go out.

well i'm just leaving it to him. 'coz for now i'm more than happy to just make out with him. afterall like i said before, there really isn't any future for us.

tales of kissing

last night, my party girl, the yummy mommy and i decided to have some mid-week fun and headed to the cozy hole-in-the-wall bar for a drink (or 2 or maybe 5 drinks...)

shortly after who should turn up but our friend who got married recently and her husband, the ex bar manager. yes that would be her wedding where i met and wound up kissing the guy from the wedding. and a week after her wedding she had texted me telling me that he was a nice guy. only that at that time she used his name (which i entirely forgot) so i didn't really know who she was talking bout or how she knew and kinda figured she must have gotten me mixed up with someone else. anyhow when i saw her again last night, she reiterated bout how that guy was a nice guy. and then her husband chimed in saying that he saw the video from his wedding and was all "i know what you did on my wedding night".

there was a video??

that kinda freaked me out a lil. and especially more so since later one of the cozy hole-in-the-wall bar owners who i know came up to me with this knowing look on his face, saying that he saw the wedding video. and then it got even worst when my friend's husband started telling the bartender aka dj guy that he knew what i did on my wedding night.

that had dj guy asking me what did i do on that wedding night. he claimed that my friend's husband told him but i'll never know if he really does know. anyhow i didn't let on anything. not that i did anything wrong.

dj guy and i had a big time flirting session. we were in the middle of the bar when he stepped close to me. so close that his face was merely an inch from mine. and we had a staring session. that continued again later in a more secluded part of the bar. this time we were close enough to rub noses and exchange a soft kiss. some parts of the staring session was more playful teasing though at times it did get a lil more of a quiet kind of intense. he said that he needed to take a cold shower.

we did chat a lil as well. some flirty talk and some proper talk. once again he brought up bout that time he went all the way to another bar to meet me. that must have been over 1.5 years ago. but possibly one of the rare times that we met outside of cozy hole-in-the-wall bar where he's been working for quite a while.

as i was leaving, he held the door open for me. it's a lil different now when we hug goodbye. it's like there's a beat where we wonder if perhaps we'll kiss goodbye. he kissed me on the lips. and then there was another beat where we wondered if there will be another more intense kiss. if he were in the bar itself that would have been a lil tricky. but given that i was just outside the bar and he was in the door frame, we were relatively hidden. he leaned in.

this time it was all soft and sweet. as we finally parted, he commented that we need more time. i think he meant that it's just not the most convenient to be making out at his work place. i like to think that he didn't mean more time as in we weren't used to each other's kissing style yet or that we were moving too fast.

i agreed. and then finally i left.

answered questions

the supposed 'date' with the guy i met via the online dating site cancelled out on me again. and half an hour before the time we were supposed to meet no less! i decided that i wasn't even gonna bother to respond. and he didn't have the courteosy to check in with me if i received his text message either.

but all wasn't lost on a friday night. in fact it turned out to be kinda crazy.

the guy from the wedding has been contacting me regularly. and it so happened he asked me out for a drink. since i had changed my plans to meet up with my party girl and the yummy mommy, i told him to head over to the cozy hole-in-the-wall bar where we would be at. it was nice seeing him again. he's a nice guy and we do get along. though i don't think we could be more than friends even though it's pretty obvious that he's kinda interested in me. oh and i got my party girl and the yummy mommy to confirm his name for me. it was totally not what i thought. i can't believe it! it was a simple name afterall...

as usual the bartender aka dj guy was there and we got to talking a lil when he surprised me by asking me if he ever said that he was engaged. then he surprised me further when he said that he's not even attached much less engaged. and that it wasn't him who texted me that time. it was such a shock to me. but i have no reason to believe that he would be the type to lie bout such a thing. he then asked me what i texted him then. it took me some guts but i finally 'fessed up. he surprised me again by saying that we've kissed before. to my knowledge we never did. he then told me the first time was the first day of the world cup. it was amazing that he remembered. that was over a year ago. but thinking back i remembered that that was the first time we pecked on the lips. somehow i mustn't really consider that a kiss. anyhow i told him that wasn't what i meant. i kinda made it clear that i was definitely up for finding out what it would be like to really kiss him. and it was clear that he was definitely thinking bout it too. but then again he was at work. he told me to go to the bathroom. and as i sat outside on the bench waiting for the bathroom to be vacated, he suddenly came over, bent down and kissed me.

whoa! let's just say that it was hot and furious. he bit my lip and it was a lil sore. i have met my match haha! we would have probably made out longer if not for a customer looking for the bartender. well i'm glad that i finally got my long awaited answer. we definitely have chemistry. we've since exchanged a few texts over the weekend that seems to sound like there could be a second round. i'm totally up for it.

over the weekend i was supposed to swim with my family friend's setup. due to the rain (again!) we decided to go for a cup of tea instead. it was nice to just chill out. i really enjoy his company. and i know he does too. he mentioned again bout how quirky i am (and apparently that's not necessarily a bad thing) and how different i am from other girls. i'm not sure if that's a good thing...

a dating 'process'

it has been a busy weekend...

on saturday i met up with shy (now ex) colleague. a few weeks ago he had just gotten back from a 2-week holiday in europe and i was eager to see his pictures and catch up with him. we had a really great time. despite our 6-year difference, we get along amazingly well. i think that if there wasn't such a large age difference and that we liked each other romantically, i would have definitely considered him.

yesterday i met up with poet guy. he came to meet me with 3 stalks of purple roses. it was quite a surprise. and admittedly a lil overwhelming. we've talked online quite a lot but somehow face to face we didn't quite hit it off. maybe 'coz i felt zero attraction for him and there just wasn't any chemistry. he wasn't eloquent (and that is rather important to me) and he wasn't attractive either. whenever he touched my arm lightly i would have this urge to jump a distance away. we watched a movie (which thankfully spared us 2 hours of having to make smalltalk) and had dinner. by 9pm i decided to use the excuse that i was under the weather the day before (well it's the truth) and said i wanted to head on home to rest early. i kinda feel bad... he seems like a nice guy... a lil overwhelming but a nice enough guy i guess... but i think we should just be online friends.

in other news the french banterer has booked me for 14 aug and invited me to a concert by a rather famous singer. i have a feeling it's sorta like my birthday treat from him.

the random guy from my friend's wedding has continued to text me everday. that would make it over a week since we first got to know each other. he asked me out to party on saturday night but i just wasn't feeling up to it. and he texted me later in the early morning to find out if i was hanging out somewhere else.

as for my family friend's setup, i kinda like him... but i think that if i'm gonna continue to do so, he really needs to step up his game and start impressing. i mean we go dutch. and if he drives me to work, i'll have to buy him lunch. i'm not materialistic but i don't view that as coming from a guy who is interested in a girl. which then leads me to think that perhaps he's just not interested. and that means i really need to reel back any feelings i have and move on. it's best for me.

bad dates, guys you're giving a chance even if you're not sure if there's a future, guys you're not even sure if you should give a chance to, guys you like but aren't sure if they like you back...

gosh dating can really be hard...

****

my not-so-platonic ex-friend came back online. and it really made me smile. it was so good to know that he came back to talk to me bout his bad day. i'm not sure if this means he'll be back again but it was nice to have him back even only for a while...

the dating definition

i'll have this on record. i have no idea whatsoever what is the dating definition.

when is a date a date? is it when the guy asks a girl out? when he offers to pay? what happens if it's the girl who asks the guy out? or if they go dutch?

the partially commitment phobic side of me thinks of meeting up with guys as... well... meeting up. maybe that's also the deluded side of me. but sometimes it's just so vague. i mean perhaps he's asking just as friends? i don't necessarily think that every guy who asks me out is romantically interested in me. and maybe he pays 'coz he's just being a man and the amount isn't all that much anyway to burn a hole in his wallet. i've had guy friends who i've met up with who have done that. and i have no reason to ever think it was anything besides purely platonic.

i mean seriously how on earth would i know if it's a date?

besides it's so stressful to think of it as a date date. it's probably just me but i tend to think of someone i'm dating as someone i'm actually having a commited relationship with. everyone else, it's just meeting up...

****

the random guy from my friend's wedding arranged to call me last night. he kept to his word and called just when he said he would. and even more surprising was that we talked for nearly an hour! i have no idea how that happened. he's rather chatty, even more so than i am. then again last night i was too tired out to exactly be my usual chatty self. besides he's new and i didn't quite know what to say. i make friends easily but i'm not exactly an open book and even more so when i meet someone for the first time. but he kept asking loads of questions and somehow time seemed to pass by. honestly the conversation wasn't too bad and he has a nice laugh. he seemed sincere in wanting to ask me out and even tried to point out all the similarities we had with each other. i guess i feel a lil better bout him over the phone and i suppose i just might meet up with him one day when i'm less busy... but in general i'm still not sure bout how i feel bout it all.

life has a funny way

sometimes life is funny... and i suddenly find myself on the receiving end of more male attention than i have had in years. and by that i mean the seemingly sincere kind...

the french banterer has been regularly contacting me with emails, texts and IMs, wanting to help me get movie tickets and even talked bout making future plans... for september...

poet guy, the one i met via online dating who said that he likes me, has also been IMing and texting me a fair bit. he has set up a email account to share some music files with me. bought me a gift during his recent business trip. volunteered to pick me up from work when i just happened to mention that i had a leg cramp even though his office is half a world away. he also expressed interest in wanting to celebrate my birthday next month. all this and we haven't even met yet! but besides some moments where i feel is a lil overwhelming, i'm actually starting to feel pretty comfy with him.

there's also some other guys that i've been talking to pretty regularly and getting along well with.

and then there's the random guy from my friend's wedding... since we met (and yes, made out), he's been texting me every day. he hasn't exactly asked me out constantly but is definitely checking in with me on a pretty regular basis and tells me that he finds me intriguing. it must be 'coz even though i do reply to his texts and ask some polite questions, i'm not particularly engaging. he's asked if he could call me tonight and i agreed. i reckon that should be okay right? i'm still not sure what to do bout this situation with him so i'm not gonna think bout it too much.

and after last night i've decided not to think too much bout my family friend's setup either.

we went to have dinner and watch a movie. i had an excellent time as usual. we can really get along and conversation just flows naturally. but in case anyone (including myself) gets too excited... it wasn't exactly a date. i mean we went dutch and that's usually a surefire sign that it's not a date right? and even though i'm pretty certain he likes my company, i'm not sure if he likes likes me. and 'coz i think i could actually like him, it is in my own self preservation interest that i really should close off my heart.

on some sort of a roll...

it was a pretty crazy weekend...

saturday was a friend's wedding of which my party girl and i were part of the bridal party. the solemnisation itself was held in a bar and it was pretty fun. even before dinner started, we were already knocking back the drinks. and then after dinner it was even more drinks. and of 'coz since the groom was previously a bar manager a lot of the people he invited were from the clubbing scene who we knew.

i met a few guys who i never met before. and somehow in the drinking madness this guy and i wound up kissing quite a lot during the course of the night. he wasn't too bad a kisser though i can't say that i'm particularly attracted to him. i guess it kinda just happened. he's since texted me and asked me out for dinner tonight though i couldn't make it. a part of me isn't even sure if i want to. i feel bad 'coz while he seems nice, i don't think i'm interested. i mean i can't even quite remember his name and we never even talked bout anything like our jobs. and i guess at this point i'm not even sure if i have the time to introduce new guys into my life 'coz it just doesn't seem fair when i don't have the time to meet up. but at the same time i feel terrible to seem to be acting like such a 'guy'. to make out with someone and then have no real intention to get to know the person further. and goodness knows i've been on that side of the fence too many times before.

finally the french guy and i met up on sunday. it wound up to be a pretty good time. we bantered a lot which is why he's now nicknamed the french banterer. it turned out to be surprisingly easy to understand him 'coz initially i thought i would have some trouble understanding his french accented english. i'm glad we met up 'coz i feel so much better bout him now that we've met up. he seems like a nice guy and not quite the drama-king that he had seemed to be. i think maybe he's just french... whatever that means haha! in fact he's asked to meet me again and we've set a date for the following weekend. though he's been trying to get me to squeeze in some time to meet him this week. unfortunately i'm totally booked. we'll see how all this goes... but gosh it does seem that lately i'm on some sort of a dating roll here...