trying to avoid trouble

this still feels unreal and i'm still trying to get used to it. it probably doesn't help that frankly just as we suspected, the alpha boy and i are kinda behaving the way that we've always behaved, relationship or not. i'm not sure if i need more. maybe more attention and more affection? i mean i'm not high maintenance but i'm not really that low maintenance either.

but that's something that i'm not overly worried bout. now, here's something that i kinda am though... the question of other guys.

being single for as long as i have (which is forever), i'm used to going out / flirting / making out with whichever guy without having to think too much bout it at all. i only had to answer to myself and no one else. of 'coz now that i'm attached (sheesh it still feels weird), that is a big no-no.

which is why drummer boy's sudden presence in my life is making it hard. he hasn't been overwhelming but i can tell that he's definitely trying to have another chance with me. and then there's the matter of my party girl's birthday party tonight as well as what was supposed to be a girls night in tomorrow night with my party girl, the yummy mommy and another girl friend but where i suddenly found out that the other girl friend has invited a bunch of swedish boys to join us.

they knew bout my brief time with the swedish guy and she must have thought that hey maybe she'd introduce even more swedish guys to me. which would be all well and good. except that a few of us (crazy) girls and a bunch of swedish guys together in a house... i don't know. maybe i should stay away from such temptation. what's considered as innocent and appropriate flirting? (i'm assuming of 'coz that said swedish guys are even cute to begin with)

and of 'coz when you say swedish guys, i think bout the swedish guy, my swedish guy (nevermind that he wasn't ever really mine to begin with). it's been 5 weeks since we last contacted. i'm disappointed that he didn't even think to remember me for 5 weeks. it's his birthday next week and as a friendly gesture, i would be wishing him. i remember thinking back then bout his birthday and wondering if by that time what might have happened between us. i was even thinking that if we carried on (like we did previously), i would have wanted to do something special to celebrate with him. but of 'coz everything's changed. strangely i had the feeling that it would. i guess i just don't have the greatest faith in men and for the most part think that it won't really last possibly 'coz i've been proven right all the time. the good thing is that at least with the alpha boy, i feel like he's gonna be around for a longer while than the others.

i just have to avoid trouble like the dickens. and even though lately i've been considerably better than i've been before, i have to be even better. or just stay away from alcohol haha!