aren't i supposed to be on a dating detox here??

i've always loved reading and enjoy any chance i can get to sit down and just read. even though it's not necessarily my fave genre, recently i borrowed some chick lit books from an ex-colleague. i read them very quickly and enjoyed it. the problem is this... one of the books was frankly... rather hot.

i'm supposed to be on a dating detox here!

and it's not like i even needed those books (or anything for that matter) for me to remember and miss the swedish guy and drummer boy.

yes, i'm still hung up on drummer boy. somehow. it's crazy and sometimes i wanna slap myself. but yeah the truth is that i still think bout him and miss him and our time together.

hormones. maybe it's all just hormones.

and i blame those darn hormones for me to cheat a lil on rule 9... i IMed drummer boy. but after a one-word unengaging answer, i decided to quit while i was ahead (or rather behind) and not resopnd. i'm trying not to kick myself too much over it.

and i'm definitely trying not to contact the swedish guy. it's seriously hard. i'm practically counting the days since we last contacted. 2 weeks and a day. this is frustrating. i know that i'll contact him on his birthday at the end of the month. but is it too much to wish that he would miss me and contact me first before the end of the month? in fact like 2 weeks ago would have been good dammit!

but i've also got other things to worry bout...

first of all, what should i tell guys who ask me out? initially i thought that the honest way was the way to go. just tell 'em i'm taking some time off from meeting up. but now i'm wondering if honesty isn't the best policy here.

second of all, the alpha game player and i have been chatting a lot. i mean a lot. we're talking 3 hour conversations on the phone daily here. and i can pretend all i want that we're just friends but last night's marathon conversation basically had him telling me that he had a romantic interest in me. but 'coz i know him, i know that our meeting ups thus far aren't really considered as dates. i also know that once he decides that he is definitely interested in one particular girl, he will up his game and ask her straight up. i don't think he's there yet. i'm not even 100% sure that he will reach that decision. heck i don't even know my own decision.

admittedly in our time spent together, i've grown somewhat fond of him. we do get along and make each other laugh (or rather mostly i make him laugh). he's got some good qualities, the main one being that he's got a high moral standard which means that he's not likely to cheat. in a world like this, i think that's important. but there are also other qualities which i'm none too sure bout. i'm tolerant, natural and sunshine and he's predisposed to being bad-tempered, controlled and measured and more sullen. and most scary of all, he reads me like a book which can make me either wanna run to him or run away from him. (he's almost like the mind reader only far less slutty.) i'm just not entirely convinced that we'll be good in a relationship.

and now i have no idea what to respond when he asks to meet up with me. is it a date? is it not a date? aren't i supposed to be on a dating detox? i really have no idea what to do.