the pros and cons of proactiveness

so 2 months after our setup and 1.5 months since i last talked to marvy's setup, i finally get to know the aftermath of the setup... from marvy the martian.

marvy the martian: i just found out that *insert marvy's setup's real name* got attached to some girl
marvy the martian: but don't tell him i told you
marvy the martian: although maybe you already know
jo: i think i sorta know already
jo: i haven't talked to him in a while but the last time i did he did say that he was really into this girl. i don't know who she is or whatever though
marvy the martian: ooo
marvy the martian: that's where the martian can fill you in with details
marvy the martian: juicy details
jo: ahh please do...

gotta love a friend who would provide me details...

marvy the martian: it seems china girls are taking over the market
marvy the martian: she's a girl from china
marvy the martian: studying part time phd
marvy the martian: a friend introduced her to him a few months back too
jo: oh i had this feeling that she was a china girl
jo: he never actually said it but i just had this feeling haha!
marvy the martian: anyways they are taking over the market man

he should know. afterall he himself married a china girl who recently gave birth to their first child.

marvy the martian: they seem to be hitting it fast
marvy the martian: he's gonna go visit her parents in china for chinese new year
jo: whoa! hahaha!
jo: sounds like he's going to ask for her hand in marriage or something
marvy the martian: china people are everywhere
marvy the martian: you gotta catch opportunities
marvy the martian: cos other girls are catching them it seems
marvy the martian: go for it
marvy the martain: not be too laidback

and then we launch into one of our relationship talk conversations. i don't mind that. i've always loved talking bout such stuff with him. but this is what i mind in that sense...

marvy the martian: you can be more proactive

here's my problem with the whole proactive thing. and i'm sure that here will be as many women out there who agree as those who disagree with me...

i can understand the concept of dropping hints. while i may not necessarily be dropping bombs of hints, i'm sure that when i like someone it's very easy to tell that i don't dislike him. my point is that if the guy doesn't seem to be getting the hints, maybe it's just 'coz he's choosing not to get it. he doesn't want to acknowledge anything 'coz he doesn't feel the same. if a guy were into a girl in the first place, he'd be looking for signs. any sign. like i said before, i'm positive that if the guy likes a girl enough, he would make the first move. doesn't quite matter if the girl isn't exactly laying it right out there for him.

so marvy the martian cites an example of a short business trip to vietnam where this pretty vietnamese girl came onto him but he didn't take the bait since he had a girlfriend at that time (who has since become his wifey and mother of his daughter). i however countered that if he were single, he would have made an effort to get to know the vietnamese girl better even before she came onto him 'coz he did find her attractive. and he admitted that that was a possibility.

which proves my point even though i don't think he quite got it. yes, some girls might be easier to get 'coz they're more pushy and make their affections more obvious. and some guys will go for it 'coz they're lazy. there's just a ready and willing girl. but it doesn't mean that the guy likes the girl enough. it could be more of a "why chase when i can get a lot of other booty that's easier" kinda mentality. why would i even want a guy like that? a lot of times it's just for a fling. if i just wanted a fling, i probably could have had lots. but i'm looking for someone who likes me as much as i like him. the kind that is for forever. i think that if it's the right person, it will just happen and fall into place naturally. while i feel that you have to put in effort and work at a relationship, you shouldn't have to work that hard.

i guess all these thoughts put me right back at the same place i started from...