while waiting...

so i haven't really been talking bout my family friend's setup much lately. doesn't mean that i haven't been talking to him or meeting up with him. in fact we talk a lil on IM almost every work day. and i've been meeting up with him once a week... even if it's just for lunch.

things are pretty much as normal. which means that we have a great time together but that's bout it. we still go dutch. and i still have no idea if we're totally platonic or platonic bordering on the maybe future not so platonic.

that said, try as i might, i still find that currently he's the one with the most potential. but since nothing is actually happening, i'm still out there 'in the field'.

am i a player?

i really don't think so...

i was talking to a good friend in vancouver bout the recent happenings with my family friend setup and dj guy...

vancouver friend: hahaha - wow, you're like a player!!!
jo: i'm not! haha!
jo: i've known him for years
jo: we've always had this chemistry thing going on
vancouver friend: that's so cool of you guys to go for it
jo: there isn't a future for us
jo: it was just a chemistry thing
jo: so it was nice to go for it just based on chemistry
vancouver friend: you're like my hero right now! lol
vancouver friend: i love it!!
vancouver friend: you're making out with guys you don't care about, just cuz you can! and you're dating other guys at the same time and just chilling out taking your time sorting through them
vancouver friend: that's awesome

i don't know if it's all that awesome.

i mean it would be nice if i could find someone who i actually liked, who liked me back. it's just that while i'm waiting for that person to appear, i'm trying to have some fun.

that said the weekend was rather slow.

my party girl and i did hang out at cozy hole-in-the-wall bar for a while. but it was really crowded and thus losing it's cozy feel which is part of the reason why i love it there in the first place. and somehow i just wasn't feeling the crowd. the bartender aka dj guy was just bout going crazy with handling the bar pretty much on his own. we did a lil eye contact flirting across the bar but he was definitely too busy for any lip locking action. oh well... hopefully this weekend...

for the last 3 weeks, my not-so-platonic ex-friend has been back to being my friend again. we've been chatting on IM and things seem to be the same as they were before. though i have been very hesistant in meeting up with him alone 'coz i know how things will go. and i'm afraid that things will go sour. i need him in my life too much to want things to end badly again. he also admitted that he needed me in his life. and that wasn't meant as a come on. he said that i bring out the best in him. i believe he meant literary wise. i'm like his muse. but while there is admittedly a fair amount of chemistry, it's still very wrong.

so what am i doing with all these guys who i have no future with? is good chemistry good enough for now? ultimately it's still all random... and i would like something a lil more settled...

i guess i'm just waiting it out...