'coz really, there are other things going on too

i've been a lil too wrapped up in the swedish guy to really mention anything else in my lil quiet world of "dating" so no time like the present... heads up, it's a looong one.

****

since the first time the alpha game player and i met up, we've met up again for dinner. fast food. dutch as usual. and he's also been texting or calling me or asking me out. don't get too excited, afterall i'm not... i'm quite sure that somehow we've gone straight into the whole buddy thing. whatever, i suppose.

****

quite a few years ago my best friend and i signed up for speed dating. but due to a gender imbalance, it was cancelled. a month ago, a friend of mine and i signed up for a dinner "matchmaking" event. it was cancelled due to a gender imbalance.

seriously with 2 strikes, i'm not sure i'm cut out for this.

it was funny when recently that friend (who is a journalist) called me up with the intention of doing a valentine's day article on this and getting some quotes from me. i mean how did that happen? me being the "spokeswoman" for having tried to be proactive and put myself out there and having failed twice?

maybe the real reason for the gender imbalance is that there just isn't any men out there who are willing to try "matchmaking" events.

****

bodybuilder friend: hey there just wondering but will it always take months to see you one time?

omg! where the heck did that come from? what to respond? what to respond?!

jo: haha! nah... normally it shouldn't be that bad
bodybuilder friend: is it cause since we don't have common friends and if this continues, this is just getting a bit tiring...
jo: maybe bout the no common friends thing
jo: but mostly 'coz i'm really just busy or tired out

it's true. i've been busy. honestly. i mean work has been demanding a fair bit of my time lately and will only get worst for at least the next month. and with whatever free time i do have left, i have to prioritise. but i guess truth be told, he is low on the priority list.

bodybuilder friend: k no offence to you jo, if really you know we only gonna meet so rarely, just say so now...
bodybuilder friend: cause if it is so, to me it is just gonna be meet once every 3mths
bodybuilder friend: then once every year then sooner or later we gonna lose contact anyway and god knows i never gonna meet your friends and you not gonna want to meet mine

this is where i really started to think that he was being overly drama bout it all. given how busy everyone's schedule is, there are times where friends do meet once every 3 months. granted perhaps not close friends. but it's not like he and i are good friends.

and i don't care to let him meet my friends, nor am i even interested to meet his. in some ways my social life is sacred. i don't just let anyone meet my friends... and i mostly hang out with the girls anyway and it's so strange to bring a guy along especially when it's not like he means all that much to me.

from then on i just wanted the conversation to end. and so i quickly decided that it was time to sign outta IM...

and i'm definitely gonna think a few more times before even wanting to meet up with him again.

****

it was kinda strange the way the serious one essentially just invited himself to join me and some friends for dinner at my friend's house.

i mean it's not like we are good friends. i hardly know him. how can i when we only met once and any IM conversation really mostly just consisted of him saying hi, me replying with a hi and then him going quiet or offline or sending me youtube videos.

****

just when i thought i had lost my mojo... apparently i might still have some left. i went out with my party girl, the yummy mommy and some other mutual girlfriends to a latin club and i got picked up by this guy.

best part is that i didn't even realise that i was getting picked up until he took my hand and wanted to dance with me. i honestly thought that he wanted to lead me to where some of my other friends 'coz i had been looking out into the dance floor hoping to find 'em.

i stupidly exchanged numbers with him and he's called twice since. i missed the first call on purpose but picked up the second one while in the midst of a family dinner and used that as an excuse.

i'm just glad that he's only in town for a few days...

****

there's this local programme on tv where they feature local bands. recently i saw the trailers and i'll be damned but that's drummer boy's band being featured!

i couldn't see him too well in the trailers but there was one unmistakable shot of the whole group and he was laughing.

i remember the laugh. the way he looked. i loved it when he laughed or was being cheeky. that just opened a floodgate of emotions for me all over again.

truth is, i haven't really gotten over him yet. i mean i know why it probably won't work and i do really like the swedish guy and all that, but a part of me still wants drummer boy. it's crazy 'coz we haven't met in bout 5 months and even before that we were only "together" for bout 2 months. it doesn't make sense that i should still feel this way. then again i suppose emotions doesn't always make sense.

and 'coz i have to set myself up like that sometimes, naturally i watched that episode of the local tv programme. i've never seen him play before... he was looking kinda serious as he was working the drumset. later when the host interviewed the lead singer, i reckon that drummer boy's brother (who is the bassist) must have been saying funny things 'coz drummer boy was just cracking up.

he's definitely looking good. and i couldn't help but feel a lil stabbing pain in my heart as it hit me once again that i'm never gonna see his face close to mine again or his arms wrapped around me in a warm embrace again. it was definitely hard.

****

the swedish guy and i haven't contacted since saturday... and i'm wondering if i should contact him 'coz we talked bout heading out in the daytime on saturday.

and yes, incidentally it is valentine's day. if i do meet him, i'm breaking all my usual rules of not going out with a guy (who isn't my boyfriend) on valentine's day. but it was just a lot more casual than that. no big deal. i'm not even sure if it's considered to be any kinda deal. afterall it was more like a "hey let's do this and that and oh hey we're free on saturday and oh look what do you know, it's valentine's day" kinda thing.

besides he's meeting up with his friends for some singles party at night and it's not like he invited me along.

so yeah... i'm not sure if i should try and ask if we're still on for saturday...

****

other than that, there isn't a whole lot going on...

the christmas dumps

a lil late but merry christmas to everyone.

it's funny how for a church-going girl, i've never really been big on the whole festive thing. i don't do any decorations, not really into singing carols and don't even exchange presents. this year is probably worst 'coz of my impending festive exams (which incidentally stretches over past new year as well)... and well i haven't exactly been feeling in the highest of moods lately...

****

so recently i was having an IM conversation with my bodybuilder friend when he suddenly said...

bodybuilder friend: have you as a gf no need to worry abt you being unfaithful

i admit that struck a chord with me. is that true? would no guy have to worry bout me being unfaithful?

few months ago i would have agreed wholeheartedly. but given that incident with dj guy, honestly it now plants that lil seed of doubt in my mind... 'coz i don't really know what i'm capable of... i guess no one really does know. we can only just keep trying to be better people. and if nothing, i suppose the lesson i take away with me is that i can never be too sure of what i think of myself to be. wasn't there a saying? something bout better the devil you know. at least now i can step up efforts to make sure nothing like that happens again.

****

recently i was hit with a realisation that all this crappy and heartache and pining and missing dj guy feeling that i've been feeling is like a breakup where i've been dumped. which i suppose is kinda weird since i wasn't in a relationship to start off with. and yet i'm pretty sure this is kinda what it feels like when you made a mistake and got dumped 'coz of it despite realising that it was a stupid mistake and that you really would like a second chance.

oh i hate breaking up... and funny how i thought i could prevent breaking up by not even getting together in the first place...

unwanted attention

my bodybuilder friend is back in town for the holidays and i met up with him on tuesday.

as i was telling my best friend on that day itself bout the impending meeting, she commented that i seemed to be dreading it. that might have been a lil too strong a word. dread. well i certainly wasn't exactly jumping for joy with excitement at the thought of meeting up with him. in fact i was probably more excited at watching the movie i had suggested.

this has a lot to do with the fact that i have zero attraction to him and our IM conversations lately has been mostly him being all suggestive which just bores and grosses me out. but that said, i also knew that for some reason, we just get along better face to face... if only he wouldn't keep touching me... and that he wouldn't keep coming so near...

i don't believe i've done anything to imply that i'm interested at all. short of just saying it outright (which i won't do since he never said outright bout liking me), i have moved away each time he came near and ignored every single one of his flirting attempts. maybe it's just him. he hangs around with a lot of player guys. maybe some of their game has passed to him. well attempts at games at least... 'coz it's so not working on me. i'm just not interested at all.

anyhow the meeting up turned out okay. i mean the movie was great and that put me in a good mood. and we do get along better face to face. but that said, i didn't really feel too compelled to make time to meet up again when he suggested it. i kinda just brushed it aside that i was really busy. which is true anyhow. with work, school and training, it's amazing how i fit in anytime for a social life. and even if i did, sadly he isn't exactly high on the priority list. it's just easier to spend time with people who aren't trying to give me unwanted attention.

where's all that attention from the person i want instead?

a 'them' update

sometimes my best friend's email cracks me up...

jo's best friend: how are things with you and erm... them?

indeed... how are things with... erm... them?

well... the guy based in missouri and i are still pretty actively chatting on IM. in fact he's asked me again to move there or visit him.

chatty triathlete has been calling me pretty frequently. he likes to chat on the phone. and he also makes it clear that he wants to meet up with me pretty often as well. i'm probably evil for saying this but sometimes i wished he wasn't so into me 'coz it's a lil stressful and overwhelming. i guess you just can't win.

during my recent vacation, i met up with my bodybuilder friend who i got to know via an online networking site. he's from here but is studying over there. anyhow we got along pretty well face to face. there was always something interesting to talk bout. but i'm beginning to realise that it's really different via IM. it's funny 'coz we first started chatting on IM. but lately i feel like it's just all him being suggestive which gets real boring real fast. he's interested in me... or at least in sorta hooking up with me... given all the suggestions of massages in hotel rooms and spanking my nice ass... but i'm starting to actually recoil from the idea of meeting up with him again when he's back for a holiday next month... i mean i have zero attraction to him and really just wanna stay platonic friends and stay away from the suggestive stuff..

my family friend's setup seemed to have pretty much disappeared from the face of earth. okay well he hasn't really. i mean i still see him online. and once in a while i actually do start up an IM conversation with him. but so far it hasn't been all that engaging. it's such a pity... he had such possible potential...

as for the guy who's been occupying most of my mind... well no new developments with dj guy... then again i haven't been to cozy hole-in-the-wall bar yet...

maybe it's time for someone brand new?

unfortunately it's back to reality

and so i'm back...

the 2-week vacation was extremely relaxing. just what i needed. it was good to catch up with friends. i don't think i really wanna be back home again...

so i didn't get any 'action'. in fact the closest to any 'action' was when i hung out with a guy friend who i got to know via an online networking site a few months ago. he turned out to be pretty nice to chat with but not my type though. however it seems like he is kinda interested though he never said anything to confirm that. oh well we'll still be friends.

on another note, i received yet another email from a guy who saw my profile on the online dating site. he once again expressed interest in getting to know me. but i'm just not attracted to him. he did recommend me to another online dating site which i then signed up for. i searched through the members and realised once again how sometimes online dating is just too tiring for me.

sorry that i'm a lil all over the place at the moment 'coz i need to get my life back in order after the vacation. school has started again and then there's the whole thing bout work. i hope i get some interesting stuff to write bout soon.