Sunday, December 09, 2007

till the end of the year

neither my party girl nor the yummy mommy was looking to head out on friday night, so it seemed like an opportune time when my family friend asked me to join him and a few other friends (some of whom i know including my family friend's setup) to party.

i was much earlier than the rest so while waiting, i spent some time staring at a fountain nearby. now, i love water bodies. i've always said that when i'm in the water, i'm in my element. which might be a lil ironic (or perhaps just makes a whole lotta sense) since i'm supposed to be a fire sign. not that i really believe in any of that. but i digress... anyway so i'm staring intently at the fountain, losing myself in the flowing water and drowning out the busy sounds around me to just only hear the sound of the rushing water. it's amazing. i felt so calm.

and then i started thinking...

it occured to me with a bit of a shock that since i first liked someone in the beginning of 1997, i've never really been fancy free. that's close to 11 years of for the most part at least having some sort of a crush. i wonder if i've forgotten how to be truly fancy free.

i thought bout how i really need to start over, wash the slate clean just as water washes things clean. and it seemed fitting that it's nearing the end of the year. what better way than to start the new year afresh. to rid myself of the guys baggage, to be fancy free.

but of 'coz a lil cheeky thought crept into my mind... that means from now till the end of the year i get to dredge up as much past guys as i want haha!

and i think i almost did...

it was my first time partying with the guys and for the most part it was kinda fun. there were quite a few young girls there as well and they just seemed so... young. i say it like i'm really old but somehow sometimes 22 year old girls just come across as so immature. so i just pretty much left my not-so-platonic ex-friend to chat with the young girls, one of whom is his colleague who he admitted to me does it for him. yes, that's just the charm of my not-so-platonic ex-friend. he's too wrong and i couldn't be bothered anyway. besides that just means i'm safe from any of his blatant attempts to try and hit on me right? yeah well in a way i suppose... 'coz by the end of the night he did kiss me on the lips twice. thankfully no one saw... i hope...

but aside from young girls and trying to avoid my not-so-platonic ex-friend, it wasn't too bad. one of the guys who i know told me that he was glad that i was there 'coz he was starting to feel like he was babysitting the young ones. i was glad that he was there too 'coz we get along pretty well. he's a funny fella.

and i was especially glad that my family friend's setup was there. and even more so when it seemed that we got along really well. maybe it's the alcohol but it was all very jokey and friendly... and maybe even a wee bit flirty? perhaps it's in my mind, but i liked his eye contact. i felt completely at ease with him. which is probably dangerous coupled with my attraction to him 'coz i'm sure i was pretty cheeky and somewhat touchy feely. but then again when i'm comfy, that's just me. i hug my male friends so it's not that big a deal to me. but later i wondered if it was a good idea to have hugged my family friend's setup after he walked me to my doorstep. i'm just not sure what's going on in his mind.

i like him. i definitely like him. i just have till the end of the year to indulge myself in such thoughts before his mark on my slate has to be wiped clean... but i still keep hoping that he will step up to the plate...

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At 8:26 PM, Blogger Crashdummie said...

Opposite attracts, I suppose that goes for elements too. �fancy free�, I like the idea of that. But then again, what you have been through, for better and worse, has made you the person you are today, so dunno�

We all have our cross to bare, and even though sometimes we do wish for a clean start all over again, I think more can be learned from experiences�

Good luck finding some clarity when it comes to guyz (and remember to inform me how that can be done � no need for me to reinvent the wheel eh :p )

At 5:28 AM, Blogger Miss Pickle said...

Funny, I had this same conversation with my old (male) roommate the other day. He siad that the entire time he's known me, even when I'm single, I'm not REALLY single. I've always had someone on the outskirts to flirt/makeout with.

I've been thinking a lot if I can really be ALL by myself in the New Year, and really see what it's like to be me.

Feel like being the angel on my shoulder to help me along? LOL

At 12:18 PM, Blogger The Ambiguous Blob said...

I get so uncomfortable around youngins sometimes. I just have a hard time relating, I guess.
It's awesome that you're meshing withthe set-up. Break a leg!


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