IM is the new conversation

strangely i had this feeling that i should say something to the rich kid bout not being interested in the nice shirt guy. but i didn't really know how to approach that topic.

the next day we were IMing...

the rich kid: sorry i didn't speak to you much
the rich kid: cause i haven't seen some of my friends for a long while
jo: no worries i understand
jo: it's time for you to catch up with your friends :P
the rich kid: i thought *insert nice shirt guy's name* would entertain you as well
the rich kid: haha

and there was my opening...

jo: hahaha! speaking of which...
jo: what is the deal man? you guys pimping me out??
the rich kid: haha
the rich kid: no
jo: 'coz *insert name of the girl i met on saturday* was like making it seem like that haha!
jo: i suddenly felt caught in a matchmaking show haha!
the rich kid: no
the rich kid: she was just talking about how we met to *insert another friend's name* i think

we digressed for a moment and then...

the rich kid: anyways what do you think abt *insert the nice shirt guy's name*?
jo: he's nice
the rich kid: anything else?
jo: pimping me out right???
jo: what the hahaha!
the rich kid: no
the rich kid: just wondering
the rich kid: since u mentioned abt it just now

i figured it was now or never...

jo: i think he's nice but i'm not interested
the rich kid: oh
the rich kid: not ur kinda guy ya
jo: yeah i guess
the rich kid: yupz
the rich kid: thought so

and i'm not sure what that means.

****

in other news i'm being reminded why i love some suggestive IMing with the mind-reader.

the mind-reader: hey
jo: hey
the mind-reader: what you doing?
jo: just finished showering
jo: whatcha doing?
the mind-reader: why wasn't i invited?
jo: haha! you're too far away to be invited
the mind-reader: distance is a non issue
jo: i'll bear that in mind

and the lil innuendoes carried on from there. not as great as our previous suggestive IMing but hey i'll take any suggestive IMing whenever i can.

seriously half the time i think we just need to get tipsy together and just get it on... but the other half of the time i think that if we did, it just might make me more emotionally attached... and i usually like to try to avoid that...

needing a constant high

it's amazing how barely after a few days of having a pretty crazy weekend, i start feeling bored and restless all over again.

maybe my tolerance level or quest for excitement has gone to a new high. 'coz it seems like it doesn't matter if i've had a pretty recent crazy time, i always find that i'm still bored. it's like i need a constant high.

so recently i started checking out the world of the online dating once again. sure, i've talked to 2 guys since. one, who has asked me out for coffee a couple of times but somehow i'm not all that keen enough to rearrange my schedule as yet. the other, i'm sorta interested in but he's not exactly rushing to ask me out. such is life.

but what i've realised this time round is that the amounts of winks, emails and IM adds are far lesser than my previous attempts at online dating. does this mean that i've already just bout gone through the entire pool of potential online dates? and even the non-potential no-way-i'd-even-date-'em dates?

and while logging in would have immediately bumped me up in the ranks of searches and gotten me quite a few hits in the past... this time, i'm not even getting any responses despite logging in a couple of times pretty regularly. i mean if i'm not getting stressed out bout online dating as i normally do, then that must mean that i'm not seeing much action there.

so then what's the most exciting thing that happened recently?

a brief IM conversation with the mind-reader...

the mind-reader: no wonder you weren't at the office... i was waiting in the toilet
jo: hahaha! darn!

ha! i only wished that he was waiting in the bathroom or wherever for me.

please remember me when you're not sober

i'm a fan of the tipsy text and the drunk dial. both giving and receiving.

i remember the times when the youngest one and i used to tipsy text and/or drunk dial each other. we would be chatting all the way till 6am in the morning. those were fun times.

so as i sat at home utterly sober at 12.34am on a saturday night/early sunday morning, i received a text...

the mind-reader: you out?
jo: home sweet home... you have the worst timing... where you at?
the mind-reader: at *insert name of general location*.haha.
jo: haha! how drunk are you? :p
the mind-reader: yes please.u aren't right?
jo: unfortunately i'm too damn sober. you should have found me last weekend hahaha! that was crazy...

so it's nothing much. but i'm always easily amused especially with tipsy texts. and i must admit that it's always nice to be remembered. if only that were more the case when he's sober...

on sunday afternoon i received a text...

the mind-reader: sorry was drunk last night.what happened last week?
jo: haha! no worries at all... i love tipsy texts and drunk dials haha! last weekend i was the tipsy one haha!

anyhow it's kinda fun when he's tipsy and i'm sober... but it would be better if we were both tipsy. and i definitely think we both need to get tipsy and meet up...

st patrick's day weekend

all of friday at work i was kinda feeling under the weather. but i'll be damned if i was going to miss out on the st patrick's day barhop organised by a beer brand and a men's magazine (and no, not that type haha!).

my party girl and i went barhopping on a bus to 4 different irish bars. we had coupons for the beer but since we're not beer drinkers, we must have had only less than 1/4 pint at each location.

i've never been to a barhopping event before and i must say it was kinda fun. i got to know some random people from some of the bars we were at. and also talked to some of the people who were at the event as well. 2 guys even seemed a lil interested in me but we didn't exchange any contacts so whatever. doesn't really bother me. though one of 'em wanted to take a picture with me and did.

later my party girl and i headed to cozy hole-in-the-wall bar for the relaunch party.

the yummy mommy as well as a few regulars who i haven't seen in ages were there.

one of 'em was a guy who freelance dj-ed for a while but ever since dj guy quit, he hasn't been back. we always got along well so it was a time of catching up for us. as well as a bit of reminiscing. he felt that the new cozy hole-in-the-wall bar wasn't as cozy as before and he missed dj guy behind the bar. i knew exactly what he meant. we then started talking randomly bout dj guy and he mentioned that when dj guy laughed, you never quite knew where that sound was coming from. i had to laugh at that. the memory of his smile. that's something quite precious. i had to smile at that. i also found myself remembering the first time i met dj guy over 2 years ago and i just bout dragged him to another club and we danced there. and i know dj guy fully remembers that time as well. he remembers that's when we held hands. sigh... memories.

as if those memories weren't enough, i had to see dj guy's best friend there. the last time i saw him we were making out. in a way i was over that situation enough to be able to greet and chat with him normally. he's still flirty. i suppose that's just what he's like. it was just a big big mistake on my part to get dragged into that. he was with his girlfriend. i chatted with her for a while. i still like her. but i guess i can't help but feel a wee bit resentful that his relationship with his girlfriend wasn't affected by what happened. but the 'relationship' between dj guy and me just bout changed forever.

anyhow it was a very sober night but still quite a lot of fun. i headed home relatively early and when i awoke, i found a text received at 3:51am...

the mind-reader: you out?

and i could almost feel myself being suckered in again...

it was supposed to be a quiet night in

i didn't intend to head out on saturday night. not after a pretty fuelled friday night. and i do try to keep the alcohol level in check... sorta haha!

but saturday evening and the text messages started rolling in.

not-so-shy texan: hey sexy. are you going out tonight? i don't have plans yet and just drinking frozen drinks at home :)

my party girl: babe wanna go out tonight with *insert name of her guy friend who i also know* and his friends?

so perhaps for the sake of more stories, i should have probably gone with not-so-shy texan. but somehow i just felt more up to partying with my party girl instead of drinking with not-so-shy texan and trying to make conversation.

in the end i met up with my party girl, her guy friend and his guy friend. nothing too exciting there. they are both married. and his guy friend's elder daughter is actually close to my age.

but it was good fun. we opened a bottle of macallan and polished it all off within a relatively short period of time. what can i say? i like my whiskey on the rocks.

soon my party girl and i were dancing it out. that was good 'coz i've been itching to dance since the last few weeks where we've just been chilling out with drinks.

and then somehow we found our way to the club that dj guy now works in. i walked in and saw the mind-reader's friend there who said that the mind-reader was supposedly on his way. i'm not sure if he ever turned up 'coz i was too busy having shots at the bar and trying to stop myself from thinking of dj guy.

yeah well didn't work. it's kinda hard when i found myself making my way to his corner of the bar. and even worst when i found myself texting him later.

you can imagine the hangover as well as the "oh crap i can't believe i did that" feeling...

and yet i didn't get that makeout session that i need...

friday night frights

friday night with my party girl probably saw the greatest number of guys trying to hit on me in one night. some by acquaintances/friends i know and others i just met. but before anyone gets too excited, perhaps i should say that they were all either not my type or married or engaged.

yes. apparently i attract quite a motley crue.

it started with us celebrating a guy acquaintance/friend's birthday at a bar. that was pretty chill out with good conversation even though there were a number of drinks. i got to know this guy. he was huge! he looked like his tummy alone could crush me entirely. unfortunately he took a shine to me. and made that very clear. not just to me but to everyone else around. he just kept on raving bout how beautiful i was (i'm sure it was beer goggles at work), how he wanted to take me out and how happy he could make me. er... okay.

so i met this other guy who somehow wound up being my buffer. he's married. but my party girl joked that he was my fan. yeah well i suppose he did seem to be hitting on me a lil. but it wasn't that bad.

and then later a few of us headed over to cozy hole-in-the-wall bar. it was there that we ran into a few other regulars.

one of 'em was one of the bar owners. he's a crazy guy. he's also an oldish divorced guy who has 2 kids. we chatted a bit and he told me that i was an enigma. not exactly the first time anyone has said that. quirky. enigma. paradox. i'm thoroughly familiar with all these words that others have used to describe me. but then this time he decided to confess bout how he's always liked me. he asked me home with him. and said that if he weren't about to get married this year (to a 23 year old no less), he and i would have a shot at love. er... okay.

and then another regular told me how sexy i was. incidentally i've always had this feeling he checks me out. then again he has told me on several occasions that he likes my ass, my arms and thinks that i would look hot in white lingerie.

i really meet these stellar guys don't i?

and don't get me started on how many times i was asked why am i still single.

i'm beginning to wonder myself. perhaps i should hang a sign on me saying "no, i don't know why i'm still single".

but perhaps the reason for that is simply 'coz the ones i actually like, don't give me the time of day.

i texted the mind-reader. so sue me, but in my (mild) defense, i thought that my party girl was going to head home early and i didn't wanna be 'alone'. and okay okay, i was tipsy enough to feel like making out and there was no interesting candidate haha!

jo: so where you at?
the mind-reader: who's this?
jo: jo... so you've already audited me outta your phone? haha!
the mind-reader: haha no no i switched phones. the other one was screwed. where you at?
jo: i'm at *insert name of general location*... you?

he never replied. and i guess technically it's the whole "3 strikes you're out" rule. but somehow that is always hard.

i really need a new distraction. someone new to make out with.

when i start to realise that i'm liking someone too much and it doesn't seem like it's going to work out, i freak out. i try and stop it somehow. that's when i usually try and find someone new.

i'm starting to think of the mind-reader too much. hence the need for someone new to make out with.

okay so perhaps it doesn't really help entirely in the not thinking of him too much bit. but at least it tricks you into thinking that he isn't as big a deal to you as you initially thought. yes, i realise that i'm warped.

and to add to it all, i'm still missing dj guy to a point where my subconscious dreamt bout him last night. i can't really remember the dream but i know it had to do with us making things work. and even when i'm not in my dreamscape, i admit that that's pretty much all i want and think bout.

gosh i'm just all over the place. i just wished something would work out.

look how far we've come

the weekend was spent not crazy partying. well i mean i did meet up with my party girl and the yummy mommy on friday night for some of our usual drinking. except that since i had to wake up early the next day, it was a real quiet night for me.

however, i did actually felt like making up for it on saturday night... except that neither my party girl nor the yummy mommy felt like heading out. and the mind-reader didn't reply to my text either. i wouldn't have minded just chilling out with some drinks with him. but i guess he's just not interested...

but well apparently youthful-looking guy is... he called me at least 5 times on saturday. all of which i missed... either intentionally or unintentionally. finally i decided that i had to call him back. he wanted to meet up, i was too busy. in fact i am too busy for the indefinite future. just before our brief conversation ended, he made a mistake in annoying me by telling me that i could consider dressing more formally and not wearing multiple earrings to work. and if there's something i don't like, it's when people are being rigid. i'm a big fan of the relaxed work dresscode. he might have been even more shocked if he got to know me in the last few years when my job allowed me for a really relaxed dresscode and i sported crazy traffic stopping hair.

****

so i have been randomly flirting with a guy from australia via the online social utility. and i just added him as a friend as well as on my IM. i guess i didn't know just what i was getting myself into...

he has a webcam... and well... let's just say it was the most interesting webcam viewing i've ever had... and while i'm not particularly into that sorta thing and i think he's just another hornball, i have to admit it was all rather amusing.

****

in other news today was my good friend's wedding.

as i made my way there, i texted my best friend...

jo: on the way to *insert good friend's name* wedding and already i'm starting to feel emotional. it's like gosh i've known her for 13 years and she's a good friend and now it's like feeling she's all grown up and i'm also so happy for her. gosh i'm a sap haha!
jo's best friend: all will be fine and you'll make out with someone haha!

i definitely had a good laugh at that. trust my best friend to remind me of the one and only time i made out with someone at a wedding.

well my good friend's wedding wasn't going to be one of 'em.

it was a simple traditional indian wedding ceremony. she giggled at some points and both of 'em looked close to tears at other times. and yet even in the midst of that as well as the flurry of relatives scrambling to take all kinds of pictures to document the joyous occasion, it was sweet and nearly brought me to tears. it made me think of the time when we first got to know each other waay back then. how we used to sit next to each other in class and chatted. time just flew right by. and now she's married. it just seems so surreal to see how far we've come.

i couldn't be happier for her.

suggestions

there is nothing like some good suggestive IMing... it gets the brain working, gets the blood pumping...

so maybe the mind-reader is all wrong for me... but dang if he isn't intriguing, exciting and darn attractive enough to get me hot.

recently we were IMing... it's always nice to know that he may not always call when he says he will and he may not always return a text message but so far he still initiates an IM conversation with me.

it was a good IM. i would write out the good parts except that they were too many and too long.

now i admit that sometimes i kinda have a brain that's in the gutter. and i never really know when that will come out. for a while now i think it's been dormant. but the IM with the mind-reader totally let that loose. it's good to know that i still have it in me.

it was probably bout as suggestive as i've ever talked with a guy before. in essence it was practically me and him talking bout hooking up. but of 'coz we never actually said that. it was all just innuendoes.

i did say that i like innuendoes right?

and well i would be lying if i said that i wasn't tempted... but at the moment it's just all talk... a part of me does wish in a way that it wasn't...

the crush

sometimes i think i'm prone to the sudden ferocious crush. i like the rush of meeting a new interesting guy and thinking bout him. the way he makes me feel. the way possibility makes me feel.

i crush with a passion and i like that kind of passion. but it's also my demise.

recently i haven't really been able to get the mind-reader outta my mind. he shows some signs of being a possible player type. it's strange 'coz i don't really get that vibe from him too much when i see him. but when i don't, i get that vibe. or maybe it's just me assuming that all bad boy perpetually drinking guys are players.

but i've been thinking bout him with a frequency that is starting to scare me and make me wanna find someone new. i wanna hang out with him. actually even considering to ask him out.

i don't know if it's 'coz i'm just really attracted to him. or if it's 'coz he totally read me like an open book. or maybe 'coz i knew that i was absolutely suffering from performance anxiety during our bathroom escapade that i want a do-over (though i might need to drink a bit more first haha!). the performance anxiety which he straight up noticed and even pointed out a possible explanation for. an explanation that immediately brought me back to a time and place in feb 2004, where something happened with prick04 that caused us to originally crash and burn. a time and place i thought i had moved on from but maybe i really hadn't... maybe in some subconscious way it has affected me. just like so many other things that has happened with prick04.

that's probably why i felt vulnerable with the mind-reader. within a short time, he had tapped into 'scars' that i don't talk bout. brought to mind an incident which took me 6 months to even tell my best friend bout. and even scarier still, he made me almost wanna share the incident and my thoughts and feelings behind it.

perhaps that's the type of connection i felt. and when i feel a connection, it's hard to untangle myself. even if i think he could be a player type who isn't really giving me the time of day.

and that was evident over the weekend.

i was out chilling out with the yummy mommy and a bunch of older guy friends on friday night. there was a lot of drinks and it was pretty fun even if there was absolutely no one i was interested in. but when i get that much drinks in me, i kinda want to find someone i'm interested in. hence i texted the mind-reader who an hour later replied. turns out he was quite a distance away but was intending to head over to my side of town and said that he would call later. well he never did.

on saturday he came online and chatted with me. neither one of us mentioning how he was supposed to call on friday night. through the course of our conversation he kinda mentioned that if i was free, to come down to a club that night where he and his friends would be at. so the yummy mommy and i went down. but he didn't answer my text and we didn't meet him. he still hasn't answered my text.

which is when i think that i should just give it up while it's still 'early'. dang i hate crushes.

the bbq

the bbq went really well.

it was just the kind of chill-out time that i needed. i mean i love the crazy partying as much as the next (party) girl. but sometimes nothing beats a nice relaxing time.

the mind-reader was true to his word. he had promised to bbq for me, keep me fed and provide the full service and did all of that. nevermind that he couldn't actually bbq. but even though my party girl, the yummy mommy and i arrived late, he stood there helping another guy to bbq specially for us. he was the perfect host. only he wasn't actually the host. but i thought it was sweet anyhow that he felt that since he invited us, he took it upon himself to make sure we had a good time.

besides the food and alcohol (of which i didn't take much 'coz i was still feeling a lil hungover from the night before), the conversations were good. mostly it was just my party girl, the yummy mommy and i chatting together. but every now and then we would also be chatting with the mind-reader or a few other guys.

the mind-reader is definitely intriguing. here is a bad boy type who is broke, still struggling with his education and has somehow managed to "screw up" his life to a point of currently awaiting a drug charge. and yet he is also someone who is an old soul, intelligient, does not want to hurt others,seems to have learnt from the school of hard knocks and possesses a freaky ability to read people with uncanny accuracy.

i felt vulnerable. he read me like an open book. and i'm definitely one to hide my feelings and what i'm thinking. of 'coz he totally read that.

he was also very upfront. while we lay side by side in deck chairs, he told me numerous times that he had found me attractive... even from the first time we met. the time years ago that i barely remember. where we got introduced by another friend. and he admitted that he is seldom able to just talk so easily with someone from the first meeting like he did with me. in fact one of his friends noticed it on thursday night and asked him what we were talking bout 'coz we seemed to just get along so well. he said he didn't know. i find that usually the best conversations are bout stuff that later you don't even know what you actually talked bout.

but he did seem embarrassed when he confessed that he wanted to makeout with me. and then said in a soft almost sheepish voice that we could go to the handicapped toilet.

i've made out with random guys before. but never has it ever been that planned. and never has there been so much talking in between the making out. the kissing was okay. not exactly the kind of raw physical chemistry that i've missed. but i think it's enough for me for the moment.

he texted asking to see me today. but we have yet to confirm anything. i think in some strange warped way, we just feel comfy with each other...

controlled crazy

yesterday was crazy.

so i've been giving online dating another go... and on a whim i decided to meet up with this german guy that i emailed a couple of times to. for some strange reason i was a lil nervous. i'm not sure why would i be. afterall it's not my first time meeting someone online. and i also found myself having to stop myself from picking on some of the lil things that annoyed me bout him. afterall tone gets lost and it's hard convey what you really mean in texts.

i'm glad i met the german resident. we did get along well. and he was cuter than his pictures. 'coz of time constraint, we just had coffee and did some grocery shopping. i had a nice time. he brought up something bout perhaps meeting up again and since he travels a lot i told him to let me know when he's in town. turns out he will be leaving for 2.5 weeks next wednesday. i'm not sure how things will go... 'coz it looks like unless we meet up before he leaves (which seems to be difficult), 2.5 weeks later seems like a long time to still keep in contact. i know only too well how these 'dates' go. he's nice and i don't mind getting to know him better. but i guess we'll just have to see what happens, if anything at all.

but the real crazy came when i was out with my party girl and the yummy mommy...

our first stop was at the club that dj guy now works in. he was really busy and in a bad mood so we didn't get our usual hug and cheek kisses till much later. but i was having a good time chatting to the bartender. he seems like a natural flirt in that cheeky harmless kind of way. and then this german pilot came up to talk to me but i wasn't too interested. if i had to be interested in someone there (other than dj guy of 'coz), it would have been the half asian guy he was talking to. we looked at each other and smiled but nothing happened.

then we moved to a new bar opening that we got invites to. it didn't start out all that fun but then soon enough we were having fun. it was there that i met this 24 year old local indian guy. i had noticed him and thought he looked familiar. and when us girls staged a 'hostile takeover' of their couch when we thought they left, he told me that i looked familiar to the point that he knew my name. it was only much later when he took proper notice of the yummy mommy and my party girl that we realised we met previously through another friend of ours. he even remembered the yummy mommy and my party girl's names. that is some memory.

i enjoyed talking to the mind-reader. and i totally found him cute. he invited me for a bbq tonight and asked for my number. then our 2 groups of friends all headed off to another club where we lost each other. but it didn't really matter 'coz us 3 girls were having a whole lot of fun.

that's when the crazy happened. we were just dancing and drinking and having a crazy time. the yummy mommy started inviting random guys to join us while other guys looked on hoping to be invited as well. she found herself with a random guy who was also flirting with me a lil to the point that our noses were touching. and i found myself running away from his friend who kept dirty dancing behind me. i wonder if that was his belt... haha! later i found myself flirting a lil with an asian guy who was at the bar trying to get a drink. he came back and purposely bumped into me. he seemed like a player. we never actually spoke and i left. just turned and walked away.

the amazing thing is that despite all the crazy, i didn't kiss a single random guy. wow! i'm kinda almost proud of myself.

but i wasn't proud of what i did do... which was to tipsy text dj guy. i think my subconscious was a lil affected by his bad mood so i texted him asking where he was at and asking if he was okay 'coz he seemed like he was in a bad mood. he was home and...

dj guy: when am i not in a bad mood

that made me laugh. how true. and that also made me realise that it's precisely that reason (amongst others) that makes me like him. he's not sunshine. and i don't much like sunshine guys.

this afternoon i received some texts and calls from the mind-reader. i was pleasantly surprised and pleased. i had hoped that he would contact me but i also know how the whole club scene goes. he extended his bbq invitation once again and suggested that i could ask the yummy mommy and my party girl along as well. he even promised that he would bbq for me, keep me fed and provide the full service. hmm nice... and i did mention that i think he's totally cute and my type?