have you seen my mojo?

i'll admit that it's quite an internal battle. on one hand i'm so tempted to go back into my old ways of trying to find someone new to help me to stop liking someone too much. and yet on the other hand, i don't really wanna ruin whatever possibility the ad-man and i might have. my heart is opening up to him and it's really scary 'coz i don't even know how he feels.

the past week we haven't chatted much on IM, maybe that's why i feel so disconnected from him. i told myself that i had to get out there, meet some new guys, do my thing... kinda like how i used to before i met him. but i think i may have lost it... whatever mojo i had previously.

friday night i met up with my party girl, the yummy mommy and another of our mutual friends. it's been ages since i last caught up with 'em. we had some fun bar hopping and dancing it out. maybe it was the lack of interesting guys who weren't annoying asses, but at the back of mind it just seemed like something was missing. on hindsight, i reckon it's my mojo.

shrek boy didn't contact me this weekend. and in an attempt to locate my mojo, i texted him but he didn't reply. i think he might be away on a fishing trip... he mentioned previously that he and his friends were planning one...

and then on a boring saturday night in my lonesome, i decided to browse through the online dating site once again. after surfing through a number of pages of profiles, of which i rarely found any even interesting enough to take a further look, and of which i decided upon closer look that i really couldn't be bothered with any of 'em anyway, i gave up.

so i'm thinking it's just back to me and my recent the L word craze...

but if you do find my mojo lying around somewere, please let me know... i'm kinda missing it...

friday

after 2 fridays in a row of not heading out, i decided i had to try and get my usual party on. so i made plans with my new party BFF to party at the place that i've been currently making an appearance at.

i decided to text the rich kid to find out if he was there since he had asked me to party on wednesday (probably 'coz i was nice and remembered his birthday on monday) when i was too tired and i had told him that i might heading out on friday instead. i saw him there and we were pretty friendly.

the thing bout partying at that place is that even though i don't really feel the music and it probably wouldn't be the place for me if i really wanted to get down to dancing it out, i do kinda have fun 'coz of the friends i have gotten to know.

****

in other news, key account executive once again extended his dark proposal with a specific day in mind... friday night. admittedly there is a certain level of mutual attraction between us, but it's just too wrong for me and the right thing to do is to stay away...

****

just when i thought shrek boy forgot bout me, he contacted me on friday night...

shrek boy: hey there. hope you had a great week. sorry i have not called... am very sick after long week in *insert name of country where's he's based from monday to thurday*. have fun tonight.

not that i want him to be sick, but in a way i guess it's good that we didn't get to meet up this week. at least i don't get to feel "guilty" for "dating" someone else when i really like the ad-man.

as for the ad-man, our IM conversations are still going really strong. we even have our own private "sayings". i definitely really like this guy. and i know it 'coz i realised that i'm willing to give up my partying and sometimes random making out lifestyle for him. in fact even though i was having fun clubbing with new party BFF on friday night, i wasn't really interested in meeting anyone and my mind kept drifting back to the ad-man.

i'm a relatively private person but i find myself opening up to him more and more and actually wanting to open up to him. it's kinda scary when you realise that your heart is opening up to let someone inside... but i'm just trying to see where all this may or may not go...

the start of that "guilty" feeling

shrek boy called me on thursday night as he was making his way from the airport back to his apartment. i thought that was pretty nice of him. we chatted for a bit and then made tentative plans to meet up over the weekend.

he texted me late on friday night to see if i was out but it was my second friday in a row that i didn't head out and we decided to meet up for a movie on saturday instead.

it was very casual on saturday. just a fast food dinner, movie and coffee. and we talked bout doing it again. we didn't make out except for a goodnight peck on the lips.

i suppose in a way i was glad... 'coz for some strange reason, i'm starting to feel a bit "guilty" 'coz the person i really like is the ad-man. it's weird 'coz i seldom feel this way. i've multidated before and never really had that "guilty" feeling ever. i guess maybe i've never actually "dated" someone i really liked before and then be "dating" and making out with another guy at the same time.

and it seems like maybe the ad-man and i are getting more comfy with each other. he texted me randomly a couple of times this weekend which i thought was sweet. and i found myself texting him randomly in return as well. it was like a new level with us. i wonder when we will progress to phone calls if at all...

so in a twist of fate, i was in church with my family on sunday when the ad-man wound up sitting 4 rows in front of me. in fact mom actually wanted to ask me if that guy (meaning the ad-man) was my type when i shocked her by telling her who he was. given that it was mother's day, my mom couldn't help herself but get even more ahead of herself than usual and imagining a future for me and the ad-man.

he was nice though albeit a lil shy... actually coming over after the service to say hi to my parentals and wish my mom a happy mother's day. yep, this one definitely has true possibility...

something different

friday night was a very rare night in for me. but apparently everyone else must have been out 'coz i received a text from shrek boy at 2.27am...

shrek boy: out tonite? just left. *insert name of club which incidentally is where i've been hanging out with my new BFF* i think. let me know.
jo: i was too lazy to head out tonight :p
shrek boy: too lazy for me? steak tomorrow?
jo: haha! okay... confirm with me the plan tomorrow :p
shrek boy: k

so i was well aware that it was a tipsy text. i have no illusions otherwise. and hence i was half prepared for him not to contact me the next day especially when it was bout 5pm and i still hadn't heard from him.

but he surprised me by calling. so he remembered. and better yet, i liked that he was proactive in that he actually asked his friend for a suggestion as to which nice steak house to bring me too. he's only been here for less than a year and more than half the time he's based overseas. so he made reservations and we arranged the time to meet.

it was a nice steak house. more pricey than i thought it would be. together with the 1999 la tour haut brion bottle of wine he ordered, the bill must have set him back a fair bit. in fact i'm not really used to someone spending that much on me. for that matter, i'm not used to actually going out with someone i randomly made out with... hence the whole random thing.

after dinner we walked around for an hour and found ourselves near his apartment. it was a nice surprise that he didn't just assume i would head upstairs to his apartment. he led me to the poolside instead where we shared a deck chair and laid down to look at the stars. pretty soon we were making out for bout an hour. it was funny 'coz during the whole time we were being attacked viciously by mosquitoes. in the end we decided to head off.

he asked if i wanted to go up to his apartment though he made it clear that it was my decision and it was okay if i didn't want to. i decided to head home instead.

on my way back he texted me...

shrek boy: had a great time tonight. sweet dreams
jo: thanks! i had a great time too. sleep tight.

he flew off yesterday to the place where he's based from monday to thursday. before he left he texted me asking how my day went. we exchanged a few texts and then he flew off.

he does seem pretty nice. but at the same time we don't have a whole lotta rapport communication wise. the making out chemistry is pretty good though (but of 'coz obviously not like what i shared with dj guy but really i shouldn't try to compare now should i?). i'm not sure what's going to happen, if anything at all. i guess it would depend if he contacts me when he's back in town next weekend.

****

the yummy mommy called on sunday night just to check in on me. she also filled me in on the details i missed out on on friday night. apparently i was more tipsy than i realised 'coz my selective memory was in full swing.

she did give props to shrek boy for boldly coming over to talk to me after observing me for a while from across the bar. and i realised that the other guy she was talking to was in fact a guy she dared me to pick up at cozy hole-in-the-wall bar haha! that part i don't quite remember though when she said it, i did have some vague memory of that happening.

oh well overall fun times i suppose...

tricky things

the ad-man: going out for dinner
jo: who you?
the ad-man: somehow i knew you'd say that
the ad-man: you?
jo: me?
the ad-man: me no plans
jo: me no plans haha!
the ad-man: yeah u
the ad-man: wanna have dinner?
jo: sure

a few hours later we met up for dinner. this time we settled very quickly into a comfort zone and there was no awkwardness whatsoever. we got along great per usual and could talk bout anything under the sun.

but i have no idea if it's a date or not. i mean that's always been my biggest problem. telling if it's a date or not. he paid for dinner, i paid for dessert. it came up to bout equal. he didn't send me home but he walked me to my bus stop. there was no touchy feely anything though granted we were a lot more at ease with each other's physical presence this time round. you know, these kinda things are tricky...

later at night i was chatting with the guy based in missouri. even though by now we've talked through our "history" and why it didn't work and it's clear that we're not interested in each other (in fact he's been upfront that he's interested in someone else), we're still good friends. but i never really thought i'd tell him bout the ad-man (it's funny 'coz i mentioned the guy based in missouri to the ad-man 'coz he and i are quite open bout our past). and the guy based in missouri is so excited for me just 'coz i like this guy. that really didn't help me. it just made me think that liking the ad-man was a bigger deal just 'coz it's rare for me to really like someone and see true potential.

in other news shrek boy texted me but it's not like he's asking me out. he's gonna need to step up or else he's going to be just another random guy i randomly made out with.

and suddenly...

yesterday i met up with my party girl and the yummy mommy after what seems like weeks of not meeting up.

we went to cozy hole-in-the-wall bar where i took maximum advantage of the free flow for ladies. it was pretty fun. nevermind that i didn't actually talk to my party girl. mostly i chatted with the female bartender or with the yummy mommy.

somehow or another the yummy mommy and i wound up at the club that dj guy now works in. even though it's relatively near, it still takes a good 10 minutes to walk there. and i have no recollection of actually walking there. it's a lil fuzzy. i said hi to dj guy who wasn't all that friendly. maybe he's just really busy... or maybe we've just each given up giving the other longing looks.

i didn't really have time to think too much 'coz suddenly it seemed like this american guy appeared from outta nowhere. and suddenly it seemed like he was dragging me out on the dancefloor. and then we were on the couch with the yummy mommy and another guy who i'm guessing picked her up. and then the yummy mommy and the other guy went outside to smoke. and it felt like things were starting to heat up for me and that guy. and there is no way i want to be making out with him when dj guy is in the club and could see us easily. so i dragged him outside to join the yummy mommy and the other guy.

after some shifting around, we both wound up stradding the bench seat while facing each other. closely. he lifted my legs over his while his hands constantly ran up and down my jean-cladded legs. he learnt that i'm an avid runner, so maybe he was trying to feel my muscles. we sat that way chatting for a long time. and then came the inevitable.

he kissed me. it was quite gentle at first. not really my thing. so i decided to tease and just get a lil cheeky. and that led to the kind of making out action that i prefer. though honestly i did worry that dj guy was going to come outta the club and see us.

it started getting really late and we decided to leave. but there was just no available taxi. and so we walked along the road hand in hand for a while to try our luck. more makeout action ensued as he kept leaning over. it may lack the raw physical chemistry i had with dj guy (which i can't seem to find again in another guy dammit!) but this guy isn't too bad a kisser.

eventually we got a taxi and since he lives nearby i dropped him off before heading home. he texted me immediately. he thanked me for dropping him off and also suggested i could turn back for a foot massage.

he seems nice. he's a year younger and had me laughing so hard when he said that he loved shrek and even quoted lines from the movie. he's such a boy. shrek boy actually mentioned wanting to ask me out. steak i believe. since he learnt that i'm a girl who loves her meat. i'm cool with meeting up with him though i still maintain that that in itself is not really asking me out. he needs to actually suggest a day. but he's mostly based overseas so i'm not sure how that would work out anyhow.