this is where we've been and look where we're going

it's amazing how time flies. this blog has been home to my thoughts on dating and relationships for the last 4 over years. and it's grown to become a special and important part of my life which i hide from everyone else in my "real" life.

recently i've been reading through my past entries, looking back on where i've been, how far i've come and it's been an interesting walk down memory lane. some random guys i could hardly remember, others who i wondered what on earth came over me to be so smitten with them, and a few that back then took a shine to me.

but i suppose for the most part, there's no real loss. the guys themselves have moved on. most vanished completely from my life, a select few who i still "keep in touch" with (or at least i still could if either of us wanted to) as technically they are still on my IM or online social utility site friend list, and some others who i make a point to know what's going on in their lives even if they don't always know it (yes, i "stalk" haha!).

it was in mid-walk of this memory lane that i decided to try and hunt down past people that i "dated" randomly, basically the boys that i've mentioned here in the last 4 years. some of them i already pretty much knew where they were at now but others weren't on my friends list (and even after hunting them down, i still wasn't intending to add them) and i thought it would be interesting to try and see if i could even find any information on them.

and here are the results of my find:

dj guy - i may not have seen or talked to him in at least over a year and even back then he was already engaged. but from my own nosy sleuthing i know that he's since broken up with his fiancee and has a new girlfriend.

london guy friend - he's on my friends list which have led me to find out that his (i think) german girlfriend gave birth to their son in february. they got married a month later. seems like the wedding must have been quite a surprise to even his friends.

texas curly - based on our last email "communication" in january, he told me that he got married in april 2008. he's also since started a tailor shop making custom made suits. a lil research (it's not really considered snooping if he gave me his company name to begin with haha!) showed that he came in second place in a new entrepreneur of the year award and made me even more impressed. i also found him on the online social utility site and couldn't see much other than his profile pic of a fun picture with him and his gorgeous wife. did i mention that she's gorgeous? i thought for a very long time (and trust me, i really did) and in the end decided to add him to my friends list... and hope he never really wonders how on earth i found him online...

marvy's setup - i found him on the online social utility site and couldn't see much other than his profile pic. he's looking good though (to be fair, he always looked better in pictures than in real life) and also looks like he's happily attached / married. i'm not sure if she's the "love of his life" from china that he met right after he got set up with me.

(now ex) key account executive - i keep in touch with him on IM every now and then when he signs in. bout a couple of years ago he had a kid but is still continuing to battle marital woes.

the aussie podiatrist - i couldn't find him on the online social utility site and for some reason, i was determined enough to dig up something that i googled him. i didn't realise that he's been responsible for giving the expert's opinion on certain podiatry related press releases. i found out that his (now not so) new workplace is actually rather close to mine. there was also a picture of him. he's not looking as good as before... i think he's balding.

family friend's setup - i'm still in contact with the friend who set us up and very occasionally i drop an IM to say hey to my family friend's setup (in fact just after writing bout him, i dropped him another IM). but from our friend, i found out that he has a slightly on/off girlfriend. our friend doesn't even know what's going on. sometimes it's good, then it's off, then it's on again. apparently she's a great girl though.

the french banterer - i found him on the online social utility site and was surprised that we have 2 mutual friends (though i only really consider one of those girls my friends. i'm pretty sure he knows her through work.) i browsed through a few of his photos. somehow he looks different or maybe i just can't recognise him anymore. i'm unsure bout his relationship status though.

poet guy - i found him on the online social utility site and was surprised that we have a mutual friend... incidentally it was my uni classmate that i "dated" who since got married to our uni classmate. i couldn't see much other than his profile pic but he looks like he's happily attached / married.

chatty triathlete - i found him on the online social utility site, and as expected, we have a mutual friend in the form of my friend's (who was formerly based in dubai who subsequently became my colleague) husband. and as i heard, i saw evidence in photos that he got married in dec 2009, a year after he got together with her. he doesn't look too bad but i'm still definitely way cuter than her.

the serious one - not that he's important but i've been running into him recently near wherer i work in town. in any case, he's on my friend's list and it was there that i learnt that he's engaged. i think she works near my workplace.

drummer boy - the only one who i'm actually quite in touch with over IM. and well i already mentioned that he's thinking of getting married in 3-5 years time.

the swedish guy - the last time i saw him was in december 2009. that said, i do think bout him every now and then. he's on my friends list and ever so often i'd see a status update stating that he was off to another one of his short holidays. i still think that's the main reason why we didn't get more serious. he claimed that he was ready for a girlfriend, but his lifestyle showed otherwise.

i guess the main theme is that almost everyone that i "dated" in the last 4 years is now coupled up be it married, engaged or just attached. it's good to know that i didn't remain completely single either.

this has definitely been one very interesting nostalgic walk.

'coz really, there are other things going on too

i've been a lil too wrapped up in the swedish guy to really mention anything else in my lil quiet world of "dating" so no time like the present... heads up, it's a looong one.

****

since the first time the alpha game player and i met up, we've met up again for dinner. fast food. dutch as usual. and he's also been texting or calling me or asking me out. don't get too excited, afterall i'm not... i'm quite sure that somehow we've gone straight into the whole buddy thing. whatever, i suppose.

****

quite a few years ago my best friend and i signed up for speed dating. but due to a gender imbalance, it was cancelled. a month ago, a friend of mine and i signed up for a dinner "matchmaking" event. it was cancelled due to a gender imbalance.

seriously with 2 strikes, i'm not sure i'm cut out for this.

it was funny when recently that friend (who is a journalist) called me up with the intention of doing a valentine's day article on this and getting some quotes from me. i mean how did that happen? me being the "spokeswoman" for having tried to be proactive and put myself out there and having failed twice?

maybe the real reason for the gender imbalance is that there just isn't any men out there who are willing to try "matchmaking" events.

****

bodybuilder friend: hey there just wondering but will it always take months to see you one time?

omg! where the heck did that come from? what to respond? what to respond?!

jo: haha! nah... normally it shouldn't be that bad
bodybuilder friend: is it cause since we don't have common friends and if this continues, this is just getting a bit tiring...
jo: maybe bout the no common friends thing
jo: but mostly 'coz i'm really just busy or tired out

it's true. i've been busy. honestly. i mean work has been demanding a fair bit of my time lately and will only get worst for at least the next month. and with whatever free time i do have left, i have to prioritise. but i guess truth be told, he is low on the priority list.

bodybuilder friend: k no offence to you jo, if really you know we only gonna meet so rarely, just say so now...
bodybuilder friend: cause if it is so, to me it is just gonna be meet once every 3mths
bodybuilder friend: then once every year then sooner or later we gonna lose contact anyway and god knows i never gonna meet your friends and you not gonna want to meet mine

this is where i really started to think that he was being overly drama bout it all. given how busy everyone's schedule is, there are times where friends do meet once every 3 months. granted perhaps not close friends. but it's not like he and i are good friends.

and i don't care to let him meet my friends, nor am i even interested to meet his. in some ways my social life is sacred. i don't just let anyone meet my friends... and i mostly hang out with the girls anyway and it's so strange to bring a guy along especially when it's not like he means all that much to me.

from then on i just wanted the conversation to end. and so i quickly decided that it was time to sign outta IM...

and i'm definitely gonna think a few more times before even wanting to meet up with him again.

****

it was kinda strange the way the serious one essentially just invited himself to join me and some friends for dinner at my friend's house.

i mean it's not like we are good friends. i hardly know him. how can i when we only met once and any IM conversation really mostly just consisted of him saying hi, me replying with a hi and then him going quiet or offline or sending me youtube videos.

****

just when i thought i had lost my mojo... apparently i might still have some left. i went out with my party girl, the yummy mommy and some other mutual girlfriends to a latin club and i got picked up by this guy.

best part is that i didn't even realise that i was getting picked up until he took my hand and wanted to dance with me. i honestly thought that he wanted to lead me to where some of my other friends 'coz i had been looking out into the dance floor hoping to find 'em.

i stupidly exchanged numbers with him and he's called twice since. i missed the first call on purpose but picked up the second one while in the midst of a family dinner and used that as an excuse.

i'm just glad that he's only in town for a few days...

****

there's this local programme on tv where they feature local bands. recently i saw the trailers and i'll be damned but that's drummer boy's band being featured!

i couldn't see him too well in the trailers but there was one unmistakable shot of the whole group and he was laughing.

i remember the laugh. the way he looked. i loved it when he laughed or was being cheeky. that just opened a floodgate of emotions for me all over again.

truth is, i haven't really gotten over him yet. i mean i know why it probably won't work and i do really like the swedish guy and all that, but a part of me still wants drummer boy. it's crazy 'coz we haven't met in bout 5 months and even before that we were only "together" for bout 2 months. it doesn't make sense that i should still feel this way. then again i suppose emotions doesn't always make sense.

and 'coz i have to set myself up like that sometimes, naturally i watched that episode of the local tv programme. i've never seen him play before... he was looking kinda serious as he was working the drumset. later when the host interviewed the lead singer, i reckon that drummer boy's brother (who is the bassist) must have been saying funny things 'coz drummer boy was just cracking up.

he's definitely looking good. and i couldn't help but feel a lil stabbing pain in my heart as it hit me once again that i'm never gonna see his face close to mine again or his arms wrapped around me in a warm embrace again. it was definitely hard.

****

the swedish guy and i haven't contacted since saturday... and i'm wondering if i should contact him 'coz we talked bout heading out in the daytime on saturday.

and yes, incidentally it is valentine's day. if i do meet him, i'm breaking all my usual rules of not going out with a guy (who isn't my boyfriend) on valentine's day. but it was just a lot more casual than that. no big deal. i'm not even sure if it's considered to be any kinda deal. afterall it was more like a "hey let's do this and that and oh hey we're free on saturday and oh look what do you know, it's valentine's day" kinda thing.

besides he's meeting up with his friends for some singles party at night and it's not like he invited me along.

so yeah... i'm not sure if i should try and ask if we're still on for saturday...

****

other than that, there isn't a whole lot going on...

of losing a date and gaining another

liking someone gives 'em the power.

i've definitely realised that since i sorta came to the conclusion that i could possibly like the swedish guy.

i mean i actually invited him for drinks and quiz night at a pub with my colleagues on wednesday. since when have i ever done that? okay i suppose let's not read into that too much... after all he texted me and happened to mention that he would be around the area. and out of some weird thing on my part, i invited him along. i guess i also figured that he would be pretty comfy with my international colleagues.

it went well. and the next day he even texted me and we had a lil joking almost flirty text conversation that made me think ooh maybe he does kinda like me.

and then came today. we were supposed to meet up for mini golf and to finish watching the movie we started on the other time. but since he never confirmed the time and place to meet, i had this nagging feeling that the meet-up wouldn't happen. especially after i learnt that he was going to a private party on saturday night.

it was 3pm when he texted me having just woken up. apparently he still remembered that we were supposed to meet. he asked for a raincheck and suggested that we meet next week instead. well okay i suppose. i mean what can i ask for right? that he should have pre-empted that he might not function with too much alcohol and too lil sleep the night before and just decide to ingest less alcohol and get more sleep? yeah well he isn't me.

i was prepared for an entire day curled up in bed with a book when a guy i got to know from the online dating site IMed me asking if had wanted to have an impromptu dinner. "nothing elaborate" he says. yeah well why not since he was willing to come by near my place and i was feeling a lil disappointed at not meeting the swedish guy that i nearly half wished i could meet the "booty caller" for a makeout session to take my mind outta things.

instead i did the healthier thing... which was to meet this new guy for dinner. we had a massively non elaborate dinner and went for ice cream. dutch.

in general i'm not quite sure what to make of him. he's not unattractive or unintersting per se... but it's just that he's so serious. i kept thinking to myself "why so serious?" save for a few and very far between moments where he seemed to show a slightly more humourous side, for the most part the serious one wasn't laughing or smiling.

i guess that might be hard for me since i'm normally quirky and goofy and love a good laugh.

anyhow i can't help but realise that first dates tend to remind me of drummer boy. not that we had a such a memorable, roaring good first date. i mean it was definitely a good first date then but well i've had other good first dates too. no, it's being reminded of what happened after the first date with drummer boy. where essentially he contacted me every day since. it's the follow up that i miss. and oh boy do i miss that.