these could very well have been my very worst dates

recently i've been addicted to reading myveryworstdate.com where people get to share their worst date story be it the first date or a date occuring somewhere further down along the dating process.

while the stories were shocking, hilarious and essentially made me breathe a sigh of relief that for the most part, my dates were never that bad, it also did start me thinking about my own "horror" dating stories.

there was the poet guy and the first date where i was thankful that a movie spared us 2 hours of having to make smalltalk and where i actually exaggerated feeling under the weather to cut the date short simply 'coz i wasn't attracted to him at all and was fighting the urge to jump a mile away every time he made any light physical contact.

there was the touchy brit and the first date where he quizzed me on an array of topics, touched my arm, thigh, hand, neck within 5 mins of meeting him and was unnecessarily impatient with the service staff at the bar.

there was the annoying mouth-clicker and the first date where he kept on clicking his mouth in an annoying manner, implied that me pushing myself in my sport meant that i had something to prove to the world and where i was so bored and annoyed that i just bout chased him off to his next appointment with his student.

and of 'coz not forgetting prick04 and that particular valentine's day date (though not on the actual day itself) in 2004 which marked the original crash and burn that left me "scarred" sufficiently that it took me 6 months before i could even tell my best friend what happened. though of 'coz subsequently there was so much drama with him that it didn't even need actual dates for him to have been the worst person i've ever dated. ever.

so yes, dating is definitely hard and sometimes it seems like you meet a whole lot more frogs than potential princes. but in the end, i came out of all these bad dating situations pretty alright. and in some weird way i'm "glad" that it happened 'coz it just added to my dating "experience" and certainly did make for some interesting (and perhaps horrifying) stories.

besides, you gotta know the bad to appreciate the good right?

dredge up the old memories and make new ones

friday night i met up with my close friend from uni. we had a late dinner and then drinks to just catch up. since we were around the area, we thought to head over to a club where we liked the live band. i guess it also wasn't exactly a coincidence that i particularly liked the idea since i knew that that would be the place dj guy was celebrating his birthday.

it was strange when dj guy and i saw each other. i mean admittedly i didn't quite know what to expect. but even i wasn't expecting this. we hugged long and hard like old friends who hadn't seen each other in ages. well we hadn't seen each other in ages. we didn't get to chat much since he was with all his other good guy friends and you know how guys are.

dj guy's best friend was there. (well you know that story there...) and so was dj guy's best friend's girlfriend. it may seem strange how even after everything that happened, i can still get along pretty well with his girlfriend. dj guy's fiancee too for that matter. it's funny how despite everything, no one's relationship changed. except for mine and dj guy's of 'coz.

but i guess some things still don't. we hugged frequently. and he called me 'sweetheart' like he usually does. he ruffled my hair and kissed my head/cheek. and i'm reminded of how no matter what, there's probably always just gonna be something there between us. as my party girl and the yummy mommy said before, we just have a soft spot for each other.

****

after bouts of phone tag and postponings of meeting ups, i finally met up with the guy from the online dating site on saturday.

we arranged to meet at a bar for drinks and after half an hour, i was glad that he had declined meeting for dinner 'coz it would have just prolonged my suffering. i wasn't attracted to him... which honestly from his pictures, was something i expected. and while he seemed seemingly nice enough there were things that irked me. in essence, i was uncomfy with the way he seemed to treat the staff at the bar. he repeatedly asked for his drink or his change barely after 5 mins of taking his order or paying the bill. and he seemed unnecessarily impatient with 'em.

he also seemed to have an array of questions to quiz me on from "what was the reason for your screen name" to "tell me more bout your family". i asked him some stuff in return but frankly i didn't really care to know. i just didn't want him to know too much bout me.

and while i'm not necessarily an uber prude, i wasn't comfy with him touching me 5 mins after we met. his frequent touching of my arm, squeezing my thigh, putting an arm around me, rubbing my fingers or touching the neckline of my top annoyed me. and hence i nicknamed him touchy brit even though frankly i practically can't be bothered to nickname him.

1.5 hours later at 10pm, touchy brit suggests that we leave 'coz he's tired. and then a few minutes later changes his mind and asks if i would like to have another drink. i nearly wanted to just end the night and my increasing annoyance. but at the same time i was hoping to at least have some fun so i suggested the place next door. touchy brit had talked bout wanting to go there and i had been there once with the swedish guy for comedy night on halloween and loved the band there.

the night picked up for me as i listened to the band. but the whole night i was just thinking bout the swedish guy. from the glenmorangie whisky i drank (the swedish guy first introduced me to that brand) to the club where the swedish guy and i had our first "date". my thoughts were definitely on him. even while realising that there were an array of guys who were checking me out even though i was with another guy.

but then my thoughts quickly shifted to drummer boy when i got his text. i can't remember getting a text from him in bout 4 months. and it's not like it was a drunk booty call either. it was just a text of which the intentions i have no idea.

so admittedly we flirted a wee bit. well at least i flirted a wee bit. what could i do? i was a lil bored and i mean it's him, it's drummer boy. and later when i was alone, for some reason or another... maybe i had some alcohol or maybe for the simple reason that it's him, it's drummer boy... i cried a lil. 'coz it's him, it's drummer boy. and i can't ever truly forget him.

i would be lying if i said that i wasn't upset bout this

so i replied to an email from a guy from the online dating site, and then we exchanged IM addresses and very quickly exchanged phone numbers and agreed to meet up.

all that is rather strange for me since normally i prefer to IM a lil more before i exchange phone numbers or talk bout meeting up. but somehow this whole process just got speeded up probably 'coz i wasn't really too bothered bout it.

he seemed nice enough. but we also seem to have the worst luck. there was a few bouts of playing phone tag and then there were a few postponings of meeting ups due to unforseen circumstances like falling sick (him) or dealing with a crisis at work (me).

add to that, i couldn't help but feel mildly annoyed that when we arranged to meet up today, he never considered to let me know that he would be having his dinner first (while i was still stuck at work all hungry). how was i to know? afterall the previous time we talked bout meeting up, we talked bout dinner... unless i was mistaken then as well? him suggesting meeting at a bar finally clued me in that perhaps food wasn't on the plate and i decided to clarify. not that it mattered 'coz in the end i had to postpone it due to work.

we're supposed to maybe meet up on saturday. while i'm not really unexcited, i can't say that i'm massively excited either.

dammit i just need that one guy to step up to the plate... and right now i just want that guy to be the swedish guy. and it's sad that i'm still as confused as ever bout him and us... if there even is an "us"...

anyway who knows if this is even any better

so i've met up with the swedish guy for quite a fair number of times. and i'm not even sure how we arrange our meeting ups. whether it's him suggesting or me or just some mutual agreement to do something on a certain day.

but this time, i was definitely the one to ask him. funny how nerve wrecking that was, how much thought i actually put into it. that's what liking someone does to me... it makes me a nervous wreck.

we did have a pretty nice time meeting up last night. just dinner and dessert. very casual. but i'm also starting to get worried bout me liking him. he's someone who loves to travel. and his job does require him to travel a fair bit. in all likelihood, he's away for possibly 1-2 weekends in a month. and all the other days of the week he's busy with salsa dancing, gym, friends and sports. it makes me wonder that when he said that he feels he's ready for a serious relationship, how on earth was he intending to fit that in?

when i like someone and it's all in limbo like it usually is, i kinda go back and forth. a part of me thinks that i should stop trying to find other options and spend some time nurturing it. another part of me thinks that i should start trying to find other options in hopes of not getting too emotionally invovled.

admittedly i had somewhat stopped trying to find other options after i realised that i liked the swedish guy. but somehow after last night, i suddenly felt like it was scary to like him when i don't know how he feels and when he's just such a busy person.

i wound up replying to an email that a guy from the online dating site sent bout 2 weeks ago. i'm quite sure that i don't know what i'm even trying to do other than attempt to protect my heart.

and again i say... i hate this part.