i'm so popular that i have a stalker

it's always a drag having to wake up bright and early on monday mornings to head back to work. and it's always bad to wake up to the sound of your phone ringing. now combine that together. and add an unwanted phone call to the mix. not the best way to start the first day of the week.

i must have mentioned in bits and pieces before but i think i should give some background information first. prick04 and i were classmates some 13 years ago. we were nothing more than just casual friends for over 2 years before by some twist of (evil) fate, we reconnected via a mutual classmate. we then started somewhat dating. there started the series of on/off summer dating as i would call it since he left to study overseas and would only come back during the summer holidays.

we had our ups and downs and upside downs but come 2004, after a massive crash and burn and blatant disrespect of which i still feel is too personal to go into, i deemed prick04 the biggest prick i've ever met.

throughout my time "with" him, i've been on the receiving end of some rather annoying prank calls from a private number. i've always suspected it was him but never had any proof. i attempted to get to the bottom of this but to cut a long story short, i was unable to get the sufficient evidence i needed to start the long process of finding out that private number. i just bout gave up. i could have changed my number but there were too many people who knew my number, who i needed to know my number for work reasons that i decided not to change it. besides the prank calls stopped being as frequent.

we stopped contacting each other for 2 years. until i received a card from him apologising for everything. i took 3 weeks to reply and was gracious bout it but did not express any desire to keep further in touch. except that our appearance at a class reunion made it difficult not to. i thought he changed and almost started reconsidering especially when he expressed a non wavering interest in me.

yeah right. he also went on to ask my oldest school friend (who was our classmate but i've known her for a good 4 years before he did) out and they made out. (yes i realise some friend she is eh) i went back to thinking that i really didn't need all this crap.

then came the newspaper report, the one that said that he was charged for indecent exposure. that just bout cemented it for me that there was no way on earth that i ever wanted to see him, talk to him or be vaguely associated with him.

annoyingly enough, i have since run into him before and had to deal with him attempting to add me as a friend on the online social utility site. but i never really had to deal with another prank call... until now...

where he breathed "jo i miss you" and i told him, as i should have told him a long time ago, to eff off.

these could very well have been my very worst dates

recently i've been addicted to reading myveryworstdate.com where people get to share their worst date story be it the first date or a date occuring somewhere further down along the dating process.

while the stories were shocking, hilarious and essentially made me breathe a sigh of relief that for the most part, my dates were never that bad, it also did start me thinking about my own "horror" dating stories.

there was the poet guy and the first date where i was thankful that a movie spared us 2 hours of having to make smalltalk and where i actually exaggerated feeling under the weather to cut the date short simply 'coz i wasn't attracted to him at all and was fighting the urge to jump a mile away every time he made any light physical contact.

there was the touchy brit and the first date where he quizzed me on an array of topics, touched my arm, thigh, hand, neck within 5 mins of meeting him and was unnecessarily impatient with the service staff at the bar.

there was the annoying mouth-clicker and the first date where he kept on clicking his mouth in an annoying manner, implied that me pushing myself in my sport meant that i had something to prove to the world and where i was so bored and annoyed that i just bout chased him off to his next appointment with his student.

and of 'coz not forgetting prick04 and that particular valentine's day date (though not on the actual day itself) in 2004 which marked the original crash and burn that left me "scarred" sufficiently that it took me 6 months before i could even tell my best friend what happened. though of 'coz subsequently there was so much drama with him that it didn't even need actual dates for him to have been the worst person i've ever dated. ever.

so yes, dating is definitely hard and sometimes it seems like you meet a whole lot more frogs than potential princes. but in the end, i came out of all these bad dating situations pretty alright. and in some weird way i'm "glad" that it happened 'coz it just added to my dating "experience" and certainly did make for some interesting (and perhaps horrifying) stories.

besides, you gotta know the bad to appreciate the good right?

shattered

i'd be lying if i said the past almost 2 months have been easy. they haven't. my on/off connection/disconnection with the ad-man have left me in a fairly emotional mess. and the disconnection seemed to have gotten worst recently. so as i start to face the very real possibility that i have to let go, get over him and move on, i must admit that it's killing me to have to try and do this.

that's when it kinda hit me...

i've always felt that i was damaged, my heart shattered. and yet i never quite understood why. or maybe deep down i did, but i was just afraid to bring up all that pain and emotion. among all the guys i "dated", i can't say that anyone of 'em particularly hurt me. not even prick04, who i deem as the biggest prick i've ever known and believe that everything bad that i've gone through is directly related to him. and yet i can't say that my heart was shattered by him.

no, i realise now that it's hope that shattered my heart. through the years there've been times where i was truly interested in someone and some of those times, the guy actually made it to my heart. my hopes were raised. but each time when things didn't work out, a part of my heart was broken. it gets increasingly harder each time. and that's why i try not to get emotionally attached. 'coz i'm worried that my heart can't take another broken hope.

there is so much love inside of me that i'm longing to give. but i can't seem to find someone who will be gentle with this love and love me back. and i worry that 'coz i have so much love that i want to give, that i don't dare to love 'coz i'm scared to let someone inside 'coz i know my heart can't take any further shattering.

i've been trying to mend the broken pieces of my heart. but just like a vase that has been shattered, you can glue back the broken pieces to form some semblance of a vase... but it will never really be that original vase again...

the crush

sometimes i think i'm prone to the sudden ferocious crush. i like the rush of meeting a new interesting guy and thinking bout him. the way he makes me feel. the way possibility makes me feel.

i crush with a passion and i like that kind of passion. but it's also my demise.

recently i haven't really been able to get the mind-reader outta my mind. he shows some signs of being a possible player type. it's strange 'coz i don't really get that vibe from him too much when i see him. but when i don't, i get that vibe. or maybe it's just me assuming that all bad boy perpetually drinking guys are players.

but i've been thinking bout him with a frequency that is starting to scare me and make me wanna find someone new. i wanna hang out with him. actually even considering to ask him out.

i don't know if it's 'coz i'm just really attracted to him. or if it's 'coz he totally read me like an open book. or maybe 'coz i knew that i was absolutely suffering from performance anxiety during our bathroom escapade that i want a do-over (though i might need to drink a bit more first haha!). the performance anxiety which he straight up noticed and even pointed out a possible explanation for. an explanation that immediately brought me back to a time and place in feb 2004, where something happened with prick04 that caused us to originally crash and burn. a time and place i thought i had moved on from but maybe i really hadn't... maybe in some subconscious way it has affected me. just like so many other things that has happened with prick04.

that's probably why i felt vulnerable with the mind-reader. within a short time, he had tapped into 'scars' that i don't talk bout. brought to mind an incident which took me 6 months to even tell my best friend bout. and even scarier still, he made me almost wanna share the incident and my thoughts and feelings behind it.

perhaps that's the type of connection i felt. and when i feel a connection, it's hard to untangle myself. even if i think he could be a player type who isn't really giving me the time of day.

and that was evident over the weekend.

i was out chilling out with the yummy mommy and a bunch of older guy friends on friday night. there was a lot of drinks and it was pretty fun even if there was absolutely no one i was interested in. but when i get that much drinks in me, i kinda want to find someone i'm interested in. hence i texted the mind-reader who an hour later replied. turns out he was quite a distance away but was intending to head over to my side of town and said that he would call later. well he never did.

on saturday he came online and chatted with me. neither one of us mentioning how he was supposed to call on friday night. through the course of our conversation he kinda mentioned that if i was free, to come down to a club that night where he and his friends would be at. so the yummy mommy and i went down. but he didn't answer my text and we didn't meet him. he still hasn't answered my text.

which is when i think that i should just give it up while it's still 'early'. dang i hate crushes.

coming outta hibernation

i know i've been rather quiet lately. blame it on last week's exam week for my self imposed hibernation which just bout killed whatever social life i might have had.

a lot has happened. and my life has changed. though nothing that i really wanna get into since it has nothing to do with the boys and that's what i rather talk bout here.

my family friend's setup and i still haven't met up in what by now seems like ages. we've talked very briefly on IM. one memorable time was when he told me that my IM picture was unflattering as it made my arms look 'thick'.

i find the need to explain that i'm in no way considered 'thick'. not by a long shot. not by any shot at all. in fact i'm naturally thin. but i work out. and the problem is that admittedly the angle of the camera when it takes a slightly more side view shot of me coupled with my arm being closer to my body, kinda does make my arm look 'thick'.

it was really 'nice' of my family friend's setup to highlight it. in fact this just goes right up there with the time he mentioned that i have one of the broadest shoulders he's seen on a girl. again that's just my natural frame. though perhaps i should mention that i also swim a fair bit.

between all that, the open admission of going to girlie bars and the whole going dutch thing, i'm not sure if he's impressing all that much. it just seems like we're just friends who get along... apparently so well that he dared to tread into the danger zone of implying to a girl that her arm was 'thick'. maybe i'm just like a guy buddy to him.

now i have a pretty good sense of humor and tend not to take things too seriously. but what i was more disgusted at was my reaction. i actually cared (somewhat) bout what he thought. and that really just means that i so have to reel back my feelings for him.

****

just before i walked into school for my last paper of this semester, who should i run into but prick04. i have the worst luck ever. i always seem to run into him. i hesitated for a moment wondering if i should say hi. in the end i decided on a small wave but admittedly i was pretty cold.

he was with some friends and in office attire. how does that happen? after the whole indecent exposure charge and he is still able to find work so easily?

****

saturday i went for an ex-classmate's house warming cum class gathering. the host is a guy that i used to go out with many years ago. he married our classmate. yes, it's strange like that.

i haven't been to a class gathering in a while and while it's nice to catch up, i realised how entirely stressful it was. thank goodness for the wine. i really needed it. it was too stressful to see how everyone is attached / married / married with kids. i mean there was one 2 month old baby and a 2 year old toddler with news of another 2 month old baby and a 2 day old baby who didn't make it to the gathering as well as other couples trying for a baby.

i'm thinking that the next time i'm going for such a gathering, i better be attached, married, preggers or just damn successful.

trying to keep unaffected...

it's been kinda a crazy time lately. what with exams and a stressful and fast paced new job. i guess i kinda went a lil crazy this weekend...

friday night i was just chilling out in the cozy hole-in-the-wall bar with my party girl and the yummy mommy. the bartender aka dj guy and i were joking around a lil as usual. the yummy mommy and the female bartender actually asked me if i liked him. i found out that he's single again. we've always had some kind of chemistry and sometimes it feels like something could go on but maybe it won't ever will. that said, at times i feel like i should just straight up tell him to kiss me already so i don't have to keep wondering what it might be like.

that night i ran into scottish cat man. now that's one guy that i haven't seen in absolutely ages. in fact i was so shocked to see him. but we reconnected again and after turning down his impromptu offer to go over to his place on saturday night, i met up with him for a quick cuppa on sunday night. we're supposed to meet up for dinner some time this week. will see how that goes. but so far he's been texting me everyday since friday.

on saturday night, my party girl, the yummy mommy and i met up with a few other friends to play pool and have a drink. feeling annoyed that the youngest one didn't reply to my text, i decided to text the aussie podiatrist. we wound up joining him and his friends in another club. that's where things got a lil strange and confusing...

my party girl and the aussie podiatrist got along really well. maybe too well... i'm not sure how i feel bout it. in between their conversation, he and i managed to have a bit of a play fight which left me with a bruise on my wrist. that turned into a kissing session. he's not a bad kisser but he's not the best either. but it was fun that he's a playful kisser. though it's hard not to, i keep telling myself that i can't afford to think that this means anything. afterall he didn't contact me again. and after i left he went with my party girl to another bar so i'm not sure what happened there. it's not that i necessarily mind my friends getting along with a guy i like but if i'm honest i admit that it was a lil weird for me that my party girl and the aussie podiatrist got along that well. i don't know...

i think maybe the whole prick04 and my oldest school friend drama kinda affected me more than i realised. or at least i'm less over it then i thought i was. but i suppose at least this time i'm more open in saying something. so even though i was tempted to just pretend everything was okay, i didn't. and kinda brought up the subject to my party girl rather hesitantly. i didn't say much. just outlined why sometimes i feel weird. i'm not sure what will happen but this much i know... i'm getting scared 'coz i think i'm liking the aussie podiatrist too much...

and the youngest one never did reply to me. i should have let it go, be done with it. but 'coz today is his 21st birthday i decided to IM him. apparently he was drunk by the time i texted on saturday and spent the whole weekend hungover. well i told myself i'm done here. i probably am.

thankfully one of the funniest things was when shy colleague and i went to watch a movie. when we were buying the tickets, the lady at the ticket counter asked if we wanted a couple seat. there was a beat of silence as we were both stunned for a moment then i couldn't quite stop giggling.

and of 'coz there was this whole banana cake incident with someone...

i saw him while he was selling some stuff for a fund raising event. he was promoting his mom's banana cake. of 'coz i had to buy some. and they were yummy. so i texted him joking that he should learn to bake. he then suggested that i go learn from his mom. of 'coz i was like yeah. i mean like duh right? he said that he'll see if he could get a few other interested people. i didn't dare say that i would even go alone. anyhow i'm not holding my breath. at least i'm trying not to.

this is hard. suddenly everything in my life seems so hard...

my classic choice in men...

i was on the way to work when my phone beeped indicating a new text message...

oldest school friend: *insert prick04's real name* in today's papers, charged for indecent exposure in 2005

i was in shock.

jo: oh my goodness! this is crazy!

and crazy it most certainly is.

i always knew he was a sick guy. i mean all that prank calling. and not just to me. and the whole pouncing thing. again not just to me. sick.

and what makes me sick as well is that i actually went out with this guy. ack!

i can't believe that at one point i sorta liked him and even thought that he was the one who loved me the most. double ack!

and even scarier still is that i wonder if this counts as proof that i seem to go out with losers. i reckon having a claim to fame that you've gone out with a guy who was later charged with indecent exposure pretty much takes the cake...

an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other

waay back in the days when i actually thought that prick04 was a nice guy trying his best to pursue me, i had actually wondered that between someone and prick04, who would i choose. of 'coz back then it was probably already silly since someone never expressed any real interest even though truth be told i always preferred him to prick04. of 'coz now i know that prick04 is a real prick and wouldn't choose him even if he were the last person on earth. but i remember back then thinking bout how someone was like an angel on my shoulder while prick04 was like a devil on the other shoulder. someone always managed to inspire me to be a better person. whereas prick04 always seemed to bring out the 'bad girl' side of me.

forward to now... and i find myself in yet another similar situation...

recently i've been talking to two 21 year old guys. i have no idea why i'm suddenly meeting and getting along with these young ones. shy colleague and i have been steadily talking via work IM for practically the entire time we're at work. sure we still do our work effectively, but that's still a whole lotta conversation. the youngest one and i don't talk as much but we still have our fair share of IMs, texts and late night phone conversations (after we make out for an entire night that is).

but these two 21 year olds couldn't be more different.

shy colleague is a real nice guy. shy and innocent though wacky at times. someone surprisingly mature and level-headed who i can have pretty deep conversations with and shares similar views as i do. he flatters me and somehow makes me feel secure, as though i have the 'upper hand'.

the youngest one however is a bad boy biker type. a nocturnal person who likes to sleep from 7am to 7pm and hangs out with his friends in the middle of the night. he's experienced and almost cocky though occasionally showcases a certain 'never quite grew up' quality that's kinda endearing. he kinda gives me a run for my money 'coz i never quite know what he's thinking. he's asked me out twice but both times cancelled out on me 'coz he was too tired. he's told me twice that he likes me and thinks i'm pretty, but he had been drinking then and besides that was before we even kissed. does kissing change things? does it mean anything more that he keeps kissing me? i think he knows the effect his kisses have on me. 'coz most dangerous of all he possesses great making out abilities and makes me realise why some people might choose to have friends with benefits.

an angel. and a devil.

not that either of 'em are actively pursuing me. and not that i'm even really considering either of 'em. but this time, it might be different... i have a feeling that if it would have come down to it, i would have picked the youngest one. 'coz somehow that draw is just too strong... it's like this raw primal need...

i suppose girls always like a lil bad boy in their guys...

then again if it were between someone and the youngest one. someone would win hands down. no contest.

which probably proves that while girls like the bad boys, what we really want is the good guy.

or maybe the fact that i would even think it were to be between someone and the youngest one could mean that i just like and want someone i can't have.

fun with technology during work

it was another regular day at work where i was busy pounding at the keyboard when an IM popped up...

oldest school friend: "the busybody person that i am discovered that *insert prick04's real name*'s profile has changed from 'in a relationship' to 'it's complicated'

apparently this girl keeps more 'involved' in prick04's life than i even care to.

jo: hahahahaha!
jo: of 'coz it's complicated... i mean when is it NOT complicated with him??
jo: probably means he's trying to juggle a million different girls as usual
oldest school friend: haha
oldest school friend: probably spent too much time on prank calls
oldest school friend: between work, volunteer work and prank calls. where does he have the proper time for a gf!
oldest school friend: not to mention it's not like he's incredibly good looking or whatever
jo: hahaha! for sure!
oldest school friend: it's almost sad
jo: well he's kinda pathetic

****

later i was in a team meeting when i got a text message...

key account executive: halo! u in a meeting now?
jo: haha! yeah... with the rest of the department. you're waiting for *insert name of my colleague that he deals directly with*?
key account executive: yah... u getting used to working again? have enough alcohol in ur blood?
jo: will probably never really get used to working haha! honestly i already had some alcohol in my blood last weekend haha! why? you looking for more?
key account executive: honestly, i would love to have more alcohol... but i can't... sigh... my wives will nag nag nag...
jo: hahaha! then you should go and be a good boy... right?

key account executive then suddenly appeared upstairs in my office with my colleague that he was supposed to meet. he passed my workspace as he left some stuff on my boss man's table. i was talking to another colleague. we waved and said hi like we weren't just texting each other. but dang there's just something really attractive bout his looks...

jo: was that one of your many wives? haha!
key account executive: nah... not my type...
jo: haha! picky picky... what's your type then? male? :p
key account executive: slim and a face that i like :)
jo: and you didn't mention male or female... hmmm... very telling...

interesting day.

prank calls

"hey jo i have some big news!" i hear my oldest school friend's voice say excitedly over the phone.

she hardly calls me since our mode of communication is usually IMs or texts.

"what's up?" i ask curiously.

"you won't believe who else *insert prick04's real name* is messing with," for a moment i thought she was going to give me another girl who prick04 has been sleeping with. "it's *insert one of our ex-classmate's name*, he's been prank calling her too" she continues.

i don't think i've ever mentioned before but yes i've been prank called for years and i've long suspected it was prick04. if i would to list out the full details of the prank calls and how i grew to suspect it was him, it would take ages. but it never occured to me that he would be doing (or have done or will do) the same to someone other girl(s). it was only this year that i found out that my oldest school friend had been prank called before as well and she too suspected it was prick04. and now we've confirmed that it is indeed prick04 who prank called our ex-classmate. at least with me, he was smart enough to use a private line but since our ex-classmate is based in china, a missed call would log the caller's number.

i'm not exactly surprised. afterall this is the very same ex-classmate based in china who we heard slept with prick04. so in a way all 3 of us have a connection in that we've been at some point or another, prick04's targets. the 3 of us are somewhat close i suppose and my ex-classmate based in china denies sleeping with prick04 but the 2 of us don't believe her. it's just that we decided not to press on with the issue. anyhow it doesn't really matter.

i just think that prick04 is a sick sick sick guy and i'm so disgusted with him. seriously i think he has a problem. he's like some total stalker psycho. i can't believe how blind i was to have actually sorta liked this guy at one point. that makes me wanna puke.

pounces like a wolf

it was a slow day at work which was suddenly interrupted by an IM...

oldest school friend: i was on *insert name of internet social network service* just now and guess what? *insert prick04's real name* has found a gf??
jo: hahahah!
jo: who is the poor unlucky girl?
oldest school friend: there's a photo. the 2 look quite cosy in the photo
oldest school friend: like jo, you're waaaay hotter!
jo: aww thanks

and 'coz i was really curious as to what she looked like, i went to take a look myself...

jo: does that place look familiar? hahahaha!
oldest school friend: yes!
oldest school friend: so obvious...
oldest school friend: that same place
jo: i know!!! that's my first thought
oldest school friend: doesn't he bring his girls anywhere else?
jo: apparently he doesn't know where else to bring his girls
jo: but i suppose at least he's gotten out of the dating ex-classmates pool hahaha!
jo: i think she looks like the naive sort... the kind who will be conned by a person like him
oldest school friend: i'm surprised. thought he would go for someone better looking
oldest school friend: and not to mention... she looks too innocent!
oldest school friend: i mean, i'm sure he would have pounced on her as well
jo: she's sweet. i think he would go for that
jo: after realising that the spunky girls will totally see through him

and this is certainly one spunky girl who has seen through him.

oldest school friend: but i think... the way he pounces... if she's the innocent type, she will be scared away?
jo: trust me he doesn't always just pounce
jo: okay lately it seems like he just pounces
oldest school friend: hahahaha!
jo: but previously it's a lil more build up
jo: so he can play the nice guy card for quite a while
jo: and you can be conned into thinking he is a nice guy
jo: but his true colours will always show
oldest school friend: what rubbish behavior. how terrible
jo: yeah well that's him
jo: and i can say that after a number of years of 'knowing' him

i was definitely one who was conned for years by him playing his nice guy card. i remember the certain amount of anguish i felt when i tried to reconcile what i saw as him being a nice guy and what i felt somehow that something wasn't right. he's truly a wolf in sheep's clothing. and i've never felt happier than the moment i finally ripped off the fake sheep wool and saw through him for the wolf he really is.

now he's someone else's problem.

marvy's setup

i wanted to be early... partly 'coz it's the polite thing to do and partly 'coz i thought if it was better that he looked for me, rather than i looked for him especially since we haven't met before.
but on my way walking to our meeting place, i ran into a swedish hairstylist guy that i know. i've run into him numerous times before but it was never convenient for us to talk. however this time i stopped for a lil chat. which made me a tad late.

when i got there, i recognised him instantly. no problems there. that was definitely marvy's setup.

i had a really great time. right away we just talked on and on, covering so many various topics. i think i found out more bout him in the first meeting than i normally do with other guys in years. it was exactly like our messages and IM chats... very natural and comfy. and i just felt like we were pretty open with each other.

we walked around for a bit, sat down for a sushi dinner and then went to starbucks for a drink before he drove me home. he told me that he'd call me soon. and later he texted me saying that he had a great time and that we'll meet again.

i sure wouldn't mind meeting him again... but i wonder if the next time we meet, will we have anything left to say to each other that we didn't already cover?

****

my dad found the need to call me to tell me that he saw prick04 and another girl in town during lunch. he didn't see my dad though. gosh i really don't care to know at all. he can be alone, he can be with a girl, he can be with all the girls in the world and i still don't care. my dad wondered if the girl is his sister. how would i know? and more importantly why would i even care. then my dad asked me to call prick04 and tease him that my dad saw him. heck no! in fact i've long deleted his number. and i told my dad just that. my dad didn't ask me what happened... and i hope he never does 'coz he really doesn't need to know...

gosh prick04 really needs to stop running into me or any of my family members and friends...

the funny night my worst fear came true...

i had quite a laugh last night.

and not exactly in that usual 'haha' way you might imagine. i just had to laugh at how pathetic the situation was.

the yummy mommy and i went for a peace event where we sat around and just chilled out while jamming to the beatles. "all we are saying, is give peace a chance" it was interesting. definitely an eye opener. though at some points i thought that there was a potential anarchy going on. so much for peace.

but after all that chilling out, we just itched to do our usual thing. so we made our way to a pub that i've been to a few times before but where the yummy mommy has been making a regular appearance of late.

it looked promising. and i was having a good time. until i ran into an ex classmate of mine. it's funny how the only times i seem to meet him is when i run into him. and i've run into too many times in the last 7 years that i stopped being classmates with him. if i didn't know better that it was just a coincidence streak, i would think he was stalking me. anyhow i wasn't too bothered bout running into him though i don't usually like to run into people i know from my normal day life when i'm engaging in my lesser known night life. but then i made the mistake of seeing who he was hanging out with as he made his way across the room.

i saw prick04. oh my god!

i absolutely hate this. this is the thing i dread. i've been freaking out at the possibility of running into prick04. and in all likelihood given our track record, it's entirely possible. afterall one of the times we started seeing each other again was 'coz we ran into each other in a mall. but after all that i've been through... i really really really don't wanna see him ever again.

but by some cruel twist of fate, i did.

they were with some other girls that i don't recognise. and the ex classmate i ran into must have told prick04 that he saw me 'coz he turned in my generation just when i was looking. i admit that i did the uncool thing. i turned back sharply and then cursed a few times. i told the yummy mommy that i just saw the guy i used to date. "oh was it that guy?" she knew instantly which guy i must have seen in order to cause such a reaction in me. "yes, that guy" she asked if i wanted to leave. but i refused. i will not allow myself to be chased out of 'my turf' just 'coz of some loser guy. no, i chose to have fun instead.

and i guess i did have fun.

i ran into the australian psychologist guy again. i really need to stop all this running into people. he started telling me how i look better and better every time he sees me. he said that when he first met me, he thought i looked quirky but now he thinks i look hot. i thought that it's weird that he thinks i look quirky. shouldn't i be quirky instead of looking quirky? what does looking quirky mean? and dude, you only met me like 3 times.

anyhow i was friendlier than i was the last time i saw him which was last week. he was there with a girl. they seemed to be somewhat together or something 'coz not long after they started smooching right in front of me. i was actually rather amused with it all. the girl scoots off to get a drink and he just spent the better part of that time flattering me, and then runs back by her side and kisses her? too funny! that just proves my point.

so i didn't spend my entire night worrying bout prick04 or watching the australian psychologist guy and his girl kiss and laughing. a black guy from chicago started a conversation with me. he was nice. and then later a guy from LA talked to me, along with his asian guy friend from san francisco. it was all good. the guy from LA was kinda cute and it was a pity that i didn't get to talk to him much 'coz soon after the yummy mommy wanted to leave for another club.

somehow in this whole crazy night, it was still okay. sure it was really hard to have to walk directly pass prick04 twice as i went to the ladies and back. but i was just really determined not to let him change what i wanted to do. though i admit that my first attempt at walking to the ladies ended up in me turning around and walking back to find my guts.

prick04 hasn't tried to contact me. not that i was expecting it. i mean why should he when after we kissed, he didn't even contact me for the next 6 months. it would have been funny if he did contact me though. i can almost predict what he would say. "oh i've been trying to find the courage to contact you. sorry for everything." i know this 'coz he's done that before. that was after over a year of not contacting me. so maybe 6 months is still too soon. anyhow i don't care. and i mean it. i. don't. care.

the australian psychologist guy did text me today though. i find that funny too.

oh all these boys are just hilarious. i hope to find one that makes me laugh... just not in this way...

damn his name

you how sometimes you can't help but just get continually reminded bout someone in the past. and you hate it 'coz there's nothing good there and you don't ever want to see that offending person ever again in your life. well today was one of those days.

i was going bout doing my work in the office when somehow every other work thing i chanced upon had prick04's name in it. i can't quite explain exactly what i mean without disclosing his name but let's just say that his name is a name of a famous brand.

so there i was doing my thing... and his name kept popping up everywhere. it was annoying. i couldn't even just forget and not think bout him even if i wanted to.

i just realised that it's been exactly 2 months since the last time we contacted. the night of that kiss. and subsequent run. i'm just so glad that the whole too-long drama going on with prick04 for the last too-many years has finally ended. with the conclusion that i came to a few years ago... that he's a prick.

but even though i'm totally over all this crap, i much preferred if i never have to see him ever again... and that includes his name.

an email to prick04

so i started an email to prick04... but let's not all rush to kill me...

i'm sorta over the shock and over him but i still feel like maybe i need some closure. i thought that perhaps writing an email would help me to say my piece... and have my peace.

it wasn't meant to be a harsh email, yelling at him bout how he hurt me and how distrustful i am of him now. it's just meant to be an honest email. i have so many thoughts running in my mind but when it comes to actually vocalising any of 'em, i just clam up.

despite everything that has happened, when i was sorta done being pissed off, i just felt sad for him. i think he has the potential to be a better person, meant for more than this. but he just got so screwed up along the way. this does not mean that he's right for me. it has nothing to do with me and him. he's burnt that bridge. maybe i'm just trying to save the world.

but all the same, after i started that email, i felt better. maybe i might just pretend that i sent it to him instead of actually sending it. if that doesn't make me feel better, pretending that it's his face i'm kicking and punching in my bodycombat class helps.

he's a regular slut...

... and a bad one at that...

here in the latest bout prick04...

my oldest school friend is back in australia to settle some stuff and while she was there she heard from a classmate of ours (who is living there) who heard from another classmate of ours that another classmate of ours slept with prick04.

is anyone confused yet?

well basically it seems like prick04 is making his rounds among our female classmates.

does he think that us girls won't talk? come on! i mean of 'coz ultimately we will know. he's not very good at this player game. and seriously he needs to choose his playing field more carefully. choosing ex classmates is not a good idea by a long shot.

and to add more spice, apparently one of our classmates (the one who lives in austrlia) said that prick04 said that he was with some china girl for 4 years while he was in college in uk. and apparently he really wanted to marry her but they broke up recently for reasons unknown.

now this is where the timeline is kinda complicated... during his college years, we were sorta seeing each other... at least when he was back during the summer hols. and he told me that he was in love with me and all that.

wow!

i'm actually taking all of this pretty well. it's so crazy and ridiculous that i almost find it funny. maybe i'm just numb. but i guess it does explain a lot. it explains bout how all along my gut instinct was correct. there was always something that bothered me bout him but i could never really pinpoint it. now i know it's 'coz he's a jackass.

i guess in some ways it's sorta sad that nothing he ever said in the past was true. and he was just playing everyone that he could play. well he's not playing with this girl no more. i'm glad that i found out the truth.

he's really just a prick...

no luck of the irish

so prick04 hasn't contacted me since that mid-week kissing nite. and i've just bout pushed all the thoughts outta my mind. but then i had to be reminded bout it... by my oldest school friend no less.

yes, she knows. and i didn't tell her. i probably wouldn't even have told her 'coz i'm not one to be open like that. in fact none of my 'real life' friends know. prick04 was the one who told her. which means that he's been in contact with her since while he fails to even contact me. how ridiculous is that?

****

it was st patty's day yesterday and i had no luck of the irish.

i went partying with my party girls which is always fun. i ran into a guy that i met before. previously we had a lil flirtation thing going on. we continued the lil flirtation thing. but i was also chatting with another guy, an australian.

in the end we left the irish pub and hit a few other clubs. this french guy came up to me and we started talking and dancing and he asked for my email address which i gave him. interesting. i've never had a guy ask for my email address instead of my phone number before.

after he left, i wound up talking to a new yorker sitting next to me. he was cute. i can't remember what he looks like, but he was cute. and nice biceps haha!

so no luck of the irish but it was a good fun nite.

time makes all the difference

sunday nite i was at the height of almost wanting to contact prick04. and what a difference a day makes 'coz by last nite, i was totally over that feeling. and now i'm just indifferent bout it all. which in murphy's law probably means that he'll contact me or something haha!

yesterday i received a text from a guy who i honestly didn't expect to hear from. a few months ago i texted scottish cat man and he never replied. so in my typical style, i audited him out from my phone book. when i received the text from an unknown number, i didn't really know who it was though i had my suspicions. apparently he had been overseas. he hasn't mentioned anything bout meeting up so i'll just leave it as that. we had previously only met up once and had a few almost meetings. on our lone meeting up, scottish cat man and i really hit it off and had a great time. but somehow we just couldn't quite find the time to meet up again.

sometimes it's kinda sad. you think you've met someone who you actually have a good connection with. but then things don't really work out that way. and i'm not even talking bout romance wise but even as just friends. i would definitely have loved to get to know scottish cat man better. but for now i'm done with trying to work at it. the ball is in his court.

they say boy time is 3 days

i'm not even sure why i'm even bothering... but i'm sorta bothered...

after that mid-week kissing nite, prick04 hasn't contacted me since. normally he'd text me the next day to kinda just check in to see if i was okay. especially since i had copious amounts to drink. but it's been 2 days and nary a text.

it's not like i'm thinking that those kisses meant something. especially not given the fact that a week earlier he had kissed my oldest school friend. i don't know what to think of 'em so i decided that i wouldn't place too much emphasis. but i guess even as just a friend, a text would have been nice. especially since we kissed. i'm not looking for any conversation on what does it mean and if there's a us or whatever. in fact i rather not have any such conversation. i'm just looking for a polite text inquiring how i've been. but apparently that's too hard for him to do.

someone kill me please

i have no idea why i thought that it was a good idea to have 10 vodkas in a timespan of 1.5 hours. that was probably pushing it, even for me.

i wasn't intending to even have a mid-week drinking time, but then i met up with my oldest school friend and she suggested it, and i went along with it. probably not the best decision. in fact most of last nite's events were probably not the best decisions i've made.

somehow my oldest school friend decided to call prick04 to ask him to send me home. yes it's sorta weird how we're still all chummy like that. i probably wasn't intending to let him know just yet that i know bout him and my oldest school friend but somehow i brought it up. anyhow i had this feeling that he knew that i knew. as usual no one actually really expressly says anything. just certain inferences and vagueness.

but then somehow we wound up kissing. which probably makes him a kissing slut and me psychotic. we kissed a few times in between moments of silence. i blame the alcohol.

anyhow i'm not gonna think bout it too much. i'm just gonna it leave as that. neither good nor bad. just a random experience.