can we get back to the time 4 years ago when we were good friends?

8 years ago, i was with my best friend and her cousin (who i was then very close to but in the last 5 years suddenly decided to ignore me and stop being friends) in a club where we met him. he and my best friend's cousin started hanging out / casually dating for a bit. it was then that he got initiated into what quickly became our group of friends which included some from a dancing group that my best friend and her cousin was then in. one of them was a very attractive girl who subsequently became my best friend's cousin's flatmate for a short period of time.

as the years passed, he went back to london where he was originally from, making trips back out here relatively frequently. along the way he became really close friends with the attractive girl's friend, a girl with huge boobs, and at some point also started dating the attractive girl who subsequently cheated on him (as she did with her last boyfriend who we also knew from the dance group) she then got married soon after and he saw them together at the girl with huge boob's wedding.

somewhere along that time as well, he and i got closer when i visited him in london. and then we drifted apart and didn't chat with each other when he started work and didn't come back for 4 years.

until now.

my london guy friend still gives the best hugs. tight and long with a lil rub on the back. i've always loved his hugs. the girl with the huge boobs joined us. i wasn't exactly thrilled 'coz to be honest somehow i've never quite liked her before, but she's his good friend, a fact that she made certain to rub in my face. she constantly referenced to things that she and him did together both in the past and in the last week that he was here in town. she volunteered the fact that she took a few vacation days just to spend with him and how she's going to visit him and his family in the summer for his birthday, she leaned on his shoulder, she talked bout how long she's known him, forgetting that i have known him for just as long and in fact met him first.

i would have thought that she and him were behaving couply except she was supposed to be married (i later learned from him that she got divorced a few months ago and is currently back with a former ex boyfriend who she is presently living with) and he's married with a kid back home.

things picked up after she left early with her "friend" (i.e. live in partner) and my london guy friend and i went for dessert. this meeting up made me realise that i missed him and i wished that we kept in contact and had not lapsed for 4 years. but yet our exchanges (or lack that of) the week he was in town made me remember why we never kept in contact. 'coz he didn't. not when most of my friendly texts (where i welcomed him back, asked him if he was free and then bade my farewell to him) went unanswered. and that's a pet peeve of mine. i don't know if we will still be in any more contact then we currently have been 'coz it does take 2 hands to clap and at this point, he's not trying.

i remember at the last world cup...

i've always been into the world cup and make it a point to catch the key matches especially from the knockout stages. as each new world cup starts or concludes, i find myself thinking back on how time has just flown by since the last world cup 4 years ago and it seems like i knew almost just exactly what happened at that time. since the world cup has just concluded, i thought it appropriate to reminise on the last world cup fever in 2006...

the opening match in 2006 saw me sitting in the somewhat "sister bar" of cozy hole-in-the-wall bar watching it. that was where i ran into dj guy after not having seen him in a while and probably where things started again as we shared our first kiss (albeit a peck).

as the world cup continued on, i found myself in europe on vacation with my family, spending most of my time in france where i caught most of the matches. anyone who remembers the last world cup would have known that france went all the way to the finals so imagine the celebrations each time france won a game. it was an amazing atmosphere.

after the end of the final match, i was headed for london where i spent some time with my london guy friend. i didn't expect to spend half as much time with him. and i certainly didn't expect to wind up having half that amount of feeling that i wound up having for him. but nonetheless it was a fabulous time.

by comparison this world cup was far more sedate. i didn't share any first kisses, i didn't travel anywhere and i didn't wind up fancying anyone new. but i did spend my first world cup fever being attached, even if the alpha boy doesn't actually watch the matches...

this is where we've been and look where we're going

it's amazing how time flies. this blog has been home to my thoughts on dating and relationships for the last 4 over years. and it's grown to become a special and important part of my life which i hide from everyone else in my "real" life.

recently i've been reading through my past entries, looking back on where i've been, how far i've come and it's been an interesting walk down memory lane. some random guys i could hardly remember, others who i wondered what on earth came over me to be so smitten with them, and a few that back then took a shine to me.

but i suppose for the most part, there's no real loss. the guys themselves have moved on. most vanished completely from my life, a select few who i still "keep in touch" with (or at least i still could if either of us wanted to) as technically they are still on my IM or online social utility site friend list, and some others who i make a point to know what's going on in their lives even if they don't always know it (yes, i "stalk" haha!).

it was in mid-walk of this memory lane that i decided to try and hunt down past people that i "dated" randomly, basically the boys that i've mentioned here in the last 4 years. some of them i already pretty much knew where they were at now but others weren't on my friends list (and even after hunting them down, i still wasn't intending to add them) and i thought it would be interesting to try and see if i could even find any information on them.

and here are the results of my find:

dj guy - i may not have seen or talked to him in at least over a year and even back then he was already engaged. but from my own nosy sleuthing i know that he's since broken up with his fiancee and has a new girlfriend.

london guy friend - he's on my friends list which have led me to find out that his (i think) german girlfriend gave birth to their son in february. they got married a month later. seems like the wedding must have been quite a surprise to even his friends.

texas curly - based on our last email "communication" in january, he told me that he got married in april 2008. he's also since started a tailor shop making custom made suits. a lil research (it's not really considered snooping if he gave me his company name to begin with haha!) showed that he came in second place in a new entrepreneur of the year award and made me even more impressed. i also found him on the online social utility site and couldn't see much other than his profile pic of a fun picture with him and his gorgeous wife. did i mention that she's gorgeous? i thought for a very long time (and trust me, i really did) and in the end decided to add him to my friends list... and hope he never really wonders how on earth i found him online...

marvy's setup - i found him on the online social utility site and couldn't see much other than his profile pic. he's looking good though (to be fair, he always looked better in pictures than in real life) and also looks like he's happily attached / married. i'm not sure if she's the "love of his life" from china that he met right after he got set up with me.

(now ex) key account executive - i keep in touch with him on IM every now and then when he signs in. bout a couple of years ago he had a kid but is still continuing to battle marital woes.

the aussie podiatrist - i couldn't find him on the online social utility site and for some reason, i was determined enough to dig up something that i googled him. i didn't realise that he's been responsible for giving the expert's opinion on certain podiatry related press releases. i found out that his (now not so) new workplace is actually rather close to mine. there was also a picture of him. he's not looking as good as before... i think he's balding.

family friend's setup - i'm still in contact with the friend who set us up and very occasionally i drop an IM to say hey to my family friend's setup (in fact just after writing bout him, i dropped him another IM). but from our friend, i found out that he has a slightly on/off girlfriend. our friend doesn't even know what's going on. sometimes it's good, then it's off, then it's on again. apparently she's a great girl though.

the french banterer - i found him on the online social utility site and was surprised that we have 2 mutual friends (though i only really consider one of those girls my friends. i'm pretty sure he knows her through work.) i browsed through a few of his photos. somehow he looks different or maybe i just can't recognise him anymore. i'm unsure bout his relationship status though.

poet guy - i found him on the online social utility site and was surprised that we have a mutual friend... incidentally it was my uni classmate that i "dated" who since got married to our uni classmate. i couldn't see much other than his profile pic but he looks like he's happily attached / married.

chatty triathlete - i found him on the online social utility site, and as expected, we have a mutual friend in the form of my friend's (who was formerly based in dubai who subsequently became my colleague) husband. and as i heard, i saw evidence in photos that he got married in dec 2009, a year after he got together with her. he doesn't look too bad but i'm still definitely way cuter than her.

the serious one - not that he's important but i've been running into him recently near wherer i work in town. in any case, he's on my friend's list and it was there that i learnt that he's engaged. i think she works near my workplace.

drummer boy - the only one who i'm actually quite in touch with over IM. and well i already mentioned that he's thinking of getting married in 3-5 years time.

the swedish guy - the last time i saw him was in december 2009. that said, i do think bout him every now and then. he's on my friends list and ever so often i'd see a status update stating that he was off to another one of his short holidays. i still think that's the main reason why we didn't get more serious. he claimed that he was ready for a girlfriend, but his lifestyle showed otherwise.

i guess the main theme is that almost everyone that i "dated" in the last 4 years is now coupled up be it married, engaged or just attached. it's good to know that i didn't remain completely single either.

this has definitely been one very interesting nostalgic walk.

choices?

yesterday i met up with my london guy friend. it was really nice to see him again, nevermind that since the last time he was here in october, we haven't really been in contact at all.

he gives the best hugs. tight and long with rubs on the back. and this time our hugs were closer. it was as though we really missed seeing each other.

the conversation wasn't all that great. per usual i suppose. he's a rather quiet kinda guy. but i suppose overall the meeting up went well.

it's amazing what great hugs can do.

****

i don't think i mentioned it but recently i hid my profile on the online dating site.

it was a rather impulsive thing though i had been thinking of getting out of it for a while now (like the second day i joined haha!). it was just getting to be kinda overwhelming and a bit pointless when i didn't have time to concentrate on getting to know people i had already met from there.

one of the people i met recently was this french guy. well we didn't meet in person, just chatted via IM. initially he seemed almost slightly annoying. maybe it was the language barrier though his english doesn't seem too bad. or maybe it was the time of night and we were both tired out. but as we started talking more, he didn't seem too bad.

recently i've been getting more evident signs that he's kinda interested. he told me that he wanted to get to know me better and that he stopped his subscription to the online dating site.

french guy: when you think you have found a (the?) good person. you have to make her understand that you're not a guy interested in any kind of girls...

i found that part of him interesting. i'm not sure how true it is but he does seem sincere enough. and i guess it's rare to find someone who even in the initial stages of getting to know someone, prefers to concentrate on one person at a time instead of 'multiple dating'.

that said, he knows that i'm talking to other guys from the online dating site. though admittedly no one that i'm really interested in... the one i'm most interested in has been missing in action for the last 2 weeks.

i guess i'll just have to see if and where all this leads...

shy colleague's farewell party

friday was shy colleague's (well now he's really shy ex-colleague) last day at my former workplace. but 'coz i'm close to him (and still have many fond memories of my former workplace), i was invited down for his farewell party at a club.

it was so great to see familiar faces. some of who i've really missed. but what i didn't count on was the navy colleague (who now really is the navy ex-colleague since neither one of us are in that company anymore) being there as well.

it's a pity that i wasn't feeling the club music too much which meant that i didn't really dance a whole lot. my protege (the 20 year old girl who replaced me) however turned out to be a dancing queen and a surprisingly real wild child. she and the navy colleague did have quite a bit of fun. but the navy colleague being the player that he is isn't exactly satisfied with just her. he had a field time flirting with her friend, another colleague and me as well. in fact at one point our faces were bout an inch apart and he even kissed my foot.

shy colleague and i were also a lot more friendly touchy feely with a few hugs. it's not a big deal to me 'coz really i'm the all huggy-veggy type. but to shy colleague who is well...shy... i suppose a few hugs was quite a lot for him as it is.

it may not have been the best party night out but it was just so good to see 'em ex-colleagues again. i think despite me leaving the company, a part of me never really left at all...

****

so bout the supposed 'date' on saturday with the guy i got to know from an online dating site... well that never happened...

i didn't hear from him so i texted him to ask if we were still on. yeah apparently i don't like that limbo feeling of not quite knowing my plans. he replied that he was having dinner with his friends and asked that if we could meet another day instead.

seriously i would have much appreciated if he had told me beforehand if he couldn't make it rather than have to let me check back in with him. if he wants to meet me, he'll have to ask again 'coz this girl is so not bothering.

what's worse is that tonight i saw him online and he didn't even IM me to mention anything bout him cancelling out.

****

in other news, my london guy friend is back in town for 2 weeks. since last oct we haven't really kept in touch at all. then recently i saw from his IM name that he was coming back and left him a message. he called me today and we made plans to meet up next week. we'll see if this time it's a case of us getting along really well or just not clicking at all. anyhow it's all platonic. he has a girlfriend back in london and i'm no longer interested as i was last summer.

talk to me

time really flies. my london guy friend came and left. 3 weeks gone just like that.

i met up with him 3 times during his trip here. that's actually less time spent with him then when i was in london. the first time was when we arranged to meet up one on one. the second time was when he popped by for my friend's bachelorette party. the third time was with my parentals 'coz they wanted to thank him for his hospitality in london.

you know it must mean something if out of the 3 times we met, i only blogged bout one time. or rather you know it mustn't mean anything. i think maybe we need london to feel some magic. 'coz when he was here, it was just boring. he was boring. i've realised that while he answers your questions, he doesn't really ask any in return. he's lacking in the ability to roll with a conversation. i'm chatty and friendly but i need something to go on from. and he hardly gives me anything to work with so after a while i just get tired of making (and starting) conversation. if it's anything that isn't activity based, it's kinda stressful to spend too much time with him.

but in a friendly gesture out of goodwill, i called him before he flew off. his phone line was off. so i texted him and then texted him again at his uk number. he didn't reply. i guess he flew off without even saying goodbye. i reckon in an even more friendly gesture out of goodwill, when i next see him on IM, i'd say hi. but things have definitely changed since my london trip. it's almost as though it went back to the way things were before that trip. but it doesn't really bother me. he's still a nice guy and we're still friends. but it's nice to know that i'm done here.

****

a few weeks ago i told myself that i need to go cold turkey with someone. and i mean cold turkey. no more checking out his blog, no more IMing him, maybe even change church (or at least church timings) if necessary so i won't ever have to see him. all thi in a bid to finally truly move on. i figured that maybe if i didn't ever see or hear bout him, it'll make things easier for me.

well let's see how that went... i didn't change church, i've been checking out his blog (and leaving comments no less!) and oh i've IMed him. yep it's been a while since i last did that, but somehow i did it recently. as usual when i IM him, there's a 'reason'. i wanted to ask how a particular 'competition' he recently participated in went. of 'coz i knew bout that 'competition' in the first place 'coz i read it in his blog. did you think he actually told me? nah...

we chatted briefly over IM. not exactly engaging conversation. he basically just answered my questions and as usual didn't ask any in return. i've noticed that it's like that when we've on IM. in real life, it's much better. we can have an actual conversation where i don't feel like i'm the one perpetually having to think of topics to talk bout and questions to ask. but of 'coz in order for us to meet up, i would actually have to ask him.

gosh i hate all of this.

i just want someone who will actually make an effort to talk to me, to meet up with me.

communication is everything.

****

maybe i'm getting old or something... this weekend i turned down all my chances of partying. my party girls were out but i was the one truly out of it. i just didn't feel like drinking or partying. all i wanted to do was to head home early, wake up early and working out. i guess you could almost say that i'm starting to embark on a change in lifestyle. one that includes less drinking and partying and focussing on other interests which lately just so happens to involve sporty activities.

but somehow despite that, i wound up meeting a guy. my close ex-colleague was celebrating her daughter's one year old birthday and i went for the dinner. while i was sitting around talking to my other colleagues, this guy friend of my close ex-colleague wanders over alone to our couch. he's rather friendly and somehow we all wind up talking. since he was sitting nearest to me, at some point we had a bit of our own conversation going. then his friend turned up and dinner commenced and everyone was scattered.

later i was waiting to accompany my close ex-colleague for a smoke break while that guy friend of hers was talking to her 'coz he was getting ready to leave. he then turned to me and said that we'll catch up soon. i thought that was odd but decided to let it slide. she however picked up on it fast and asked if he even had my number. so he asked for my number and gave me a miss call so that i got his too.

not exactly the best way to exchange numbers. to have your mutual friend suggest that maybe you should get her number. then again he shouldn't have said that we'd catch up soon. perhaps it was just out of habit.

anyhow i'm not putting too much expectations into this. if he calls, then great. he seems nice and we do get along. if he doesn't, then that's cool too. not gonna bother bout it too much.

afterall i have all those sporty activities i need to make time for...

london and me

i was early... so i stood there waiting for him. i was trying to stay calm but for some strange reason, i was a lil nervous bout meeting him.

then he walked towards me... my london guy friend.

we hugged as we said hi. i have always loved his hugs. tight and long with a lil rub on the back. this time it was a rub on my back and waist. maybe my heels threw off our height difference.

but that wasn't the only thing that seemed off during the night. sure we talked and sometimes even pretty well so, but there also seemed to be some silence in between. almost like neither one of us knew what to say to each other. i could feel the wheels in my head turning just trying to figure out our next topic of conversation. he's always been a tad on the quieter side but for normally chatty me, sometimes the silence can be odd.

however through the course of our conversation i did find out that he left his bro to stay with some family here while he went to stay with the other gir's family. that very good friend of his that he used to have a thing with earlier this year. the girl that i've never really liked 'coz i find her fake and she cheated on her ex boyfriend who was a friend of mine. he told me before that he isn't with her anymore but really who knows. and i'm not sure what i feel either. maybe i no longer fancy him in that way anymore.

but i still had fun. the dinner and then playing pool. maybe we need something to distract us in order to truly get along.

when it was time to leave i walked 5 bus stops up the road in order to accompany him to his bus stop. i didn't have to but i wanted to. we said our goodbyes with another hug. this time not as tight nor as long and i think i missed the lil rub on my back.

and the guys just get funnier...

i haven't been doing this as much as i used to... partying 2 nights in a row. but this weekend was one of those times.

the party girl and i along with some other friends attended a birthday party at a club and then in our typical fashion, we started club hopping. she picked up some british guy from the birthday party who was heading to another club. so we went to that club to meet up with him. while we were there, we hung out with some german intern guys and suggested that we go to the club we always wind up at. us girls can get in for free 'coz we know the bouncers and club owners but we couldn't bring the guys in on a free ride so we told 'em to line up and then meet us inside. we never saw 'em. but of 'coz that doesn't phase us and soon later we got to know some australian and new zealander basketball players.

and that's when the funny began...

somehow i wound up talking to this australian guy whose parents were originally from russia and serbia. not long after he started laying it on me... telling me that he liked that i was confident enough to show my pretty face with my 'do, that i had nice eyes and that he wanted to kiss me. he asked if i wanted to go someplace quieter so we could talk. but then also said that he can't talk to me 'coz it makes him want to kiss me more. goodness. like i would actually fall for that 'let's go someplace quieter so we could talk' line. sure we were in a club. but we were in a courtyard lounging around in a seat. it was plenty quiet for us to talk. any place quieter would probably mean his house. as for the wanting to kiss me thing. well i'm glad that at least he didn't grab me. i did consider if i should just kiss him, perhaps a friendly one... or maybe not. but then i decided to exercise a lil more restrain. i should probably stop kissing random club guys haha!

later the girls decided to head to the second level of the club. the guys said they'd join us and we thought they were right behind... but apparently not. doesn't matter we always find our own fun. so we were just dancing upstairs and having a good time. except that as i was walking past, some guy smacked my butt. i spun around, gave him a death look and smacked him right back. if you do that, don't expect me to not reciprocrate it. and then as we were seated, some guy from san francisco came over and talked to me and pretty much expected me to go out and find him on the dance floor. i was tired and too nice and comfy in my seat.

but that said, the funniest thing of all didn't happen with any of the guys i met that night. the funniest thing was the text messages...

the australian psychologist guy texted me. he was chilling out at home and knew that i was out partying.

australian psychologist guy: if you want to sleep you know where to find me
jo: if i want to sleep, i'll just go home

he has to be kidding.

then i texted my london guy friend. we haven't contacted since the last time i talked to him briefly on IM. at first i told myself not to contact him. afterall i did tell him that i was giving him priority during this time when he's here and that he should let me know whenever he can make it so we can meet up. the ball is in his court. but that night i was just a lil bored and thinking of him so i texted him

jo: hey! are you out tonight?

i never got a reply from him. i must be the one kidding myself.

****

out of office eye candy and i are definitely having some telepathy going on.

i was just thinking of calling him to ask him bout something when he called. i told him bout the coincidence. after we were done with the work issue he called me bout and joking around bout some other work stuff in general as we always do, he asked what i wanted to call him bout.

jo: i wanted to ask you something
out of office eye candy: no sorry i'm not free tonight
jo: hahaha! how bout friday?
out of office eye candy: maybe. i have to check my schedule.
jo: hahaha!

actually what i wanted to call him bout is regarding a club that he told me he went to which i haven't been to. my friend who is based in dubai is coming back on thursday to get married over the weekend and she was thinking of holding a bachelorette party on friday night and one of her friends suggested that club. i outlined that to out of office eye candy and he suggested another club instead that i've been to and like. i in turn told my friend and it's been decided, friday night it's gonna be her bachelorette party night!

though some bachelorette party it's gonna be 'coz the boys are invited as well. hmm... maybe i should ask out of office eye candy along... haha!

****

my london guy friend just texted me. turns out he ran outta credits. okay... i can understand that. we're trying to meet up tomorrow...

the guy friends over yonder

in the past few years i've realised that most of my close friends are overseas. some of 'em moved overseas, some are going to move overseas, others were overseas all along.

so my london guy friend is here. but so far all we've done is chat on IM twice. it's almost like he's still back in london. not much of a difference. and it wouldn't be for this entire week 'coz he's busy with his bro, his family, his friends, his whoever-knows-what. he got a temporary phone line... which he gave me over IM of 'coz... what were you thinking? he'd call? maybe... he did the last time he was here in feb... but not this time.

do i sound bitter? actually i'm not really. a lil disappointed perhaps. but of 'coz being me, i rationalise that he really is busy. and i understand that. i think i just psyched myself up too much for the hype of him being here. when really after i've calmed down, while it's cool, it's not that big of a deal. especially if he's not as excited as i am. the 'good thing' is that all this is quickly reminding me once again how i should curb my feelings and leave 'em at the door. i really shouldn't get emotionally involved in any way unless i'm sure it's being reciprocated. or else i'm just simply setting myself up for disappointment. sabotaging myself with my expectations. oh yes, there are rules to live by...

it's ironic that my mom keeps telling me to make time for him out of my usually busy social life and personal me time 'coz he was so nice and hospitable when we were in london, and yet he's the one who's too busy to meet up. he'll find me when he can make it... for now i'm gonna go bout my own usually busy social life and personal me time. i'm hoping that eventually (meaning next week) we will get to meet up. and hopefully we will meet up more than just once.

****

bright and early this morning, the minute i logged into my work computer, marvy the martian my guy friend based in china IMed me.

marvy the martian: good morning mojo
jo: morning marvy
marvy the martian: i tried to introduce a guy for you yesterday
marvy the martian: hehe
jo: what? haha!
marvy the martian: yeah then i realised he's younger than you
marvy the maritan: well you're okay with younger guys right? haha!
jo: i don't have a problem with younger guys... but who on earth is he?
marvy the martian: a friend of mine
marvy the martian: we were classmates in french class before
jo: but what's he like anyway? why are you trying to set me up with him?
marvy the martian: well i think he's a nice guy
marvy the martian: single and eligible
marvy the martian: so i thought it'll be cool if you and him could get together

okay well i'm not opposed to setups per se but i kinda like to think there's more of a thought process going on when a friend tries to set me up with a guy. it's gotta be more than just a you're single, he's single, so therefore i think you guys should meet kinda thing.

marvy the martian: maybe you can call him
marvy the martian: ask him for dinner and a movie
marvy the martian: girls can do that these days
jo: hahaha! you should know me better... i don't do that

and indeed i don't. it's not my thing. at least not for the first 'date'. but marvy the martian did give me a way to see a pic of this guy in question and i'm curious so i will be going home to check him out... if i remember...

my london heart comes home

i haven't talked to my london guy friend in a while... which really just means probably for the last almost week.

i was supposed to go out tonight but at the last minute my oldest school friend cancelled out on me so i headed home. and perhaps that was the best decision ever 'coz i managed to have a chat with my london guy friend.

london guy friend: you got any plans for this month?
jo: plans for sep? hmm... well my friend's wedding is on 24th
london guy friend: my friend's wedding in on 23rd
jo: so great we just have one day of plans for the whole of sep
london guy friend: hahaha! well i'm hoping to make more
london guy friend: my friend's wedding is in *area where i'm in*
jo: you should come down here
london guy friend: hahaha! i am!
london guy friend: i'll be there on sunday

my london guy friend and i joke around a fair bit, so i treated this as another joke

jo: sweet!
jo: so would it be this sunday that i should expect you?
london guy friend: yup. sunday evening
jo: what time is your flight?
london guy friend: i should be arriving at 1735

then he started getting specific bout his reasons for coming here (to 'babysit' his brother as he settled some stuff). too specific. it was then that i realised that perhaps this wasn't a joke...

jo: hold up sweetheart... are you kidding me???
london guy friend: nope
london guy friend: i'm really coming
jo: oh my god!

i can't believe it! and there he was talking bout it so calmly like it was just a walk in the park while i'm practically hyperventilating. apparently i didn't know that i'd get that excited bout him coming back to visit. my mother comments bout how he's not even my boyfriend and i'm that happy. yeah well, he may not be my boyfriend but he's my friend and of 'coz i'm happy. in fact i'm really really excited. he just bout made my initially crappy day.

so yes, in a mere matter of days my london guy friend is coming to visit. i get to see him just nearly 2 months since my london trip. i really can't wait!

hiding london

there's something bout me that finds it strangely comforting to tell 'strangers' or friends that i haven't actually met in real life bout my guy happenings. but ask any of my 'real life' friends and they'd probably be clueless to most of the random guys. it's almost like i hate friends to know what's going on unless it's for real.

recently i was talking to my best friend's sister bout kathy reichs books which i've only recently started reading. i started to mention that my london guy friend just bought me the new kathy reich book... but then i caught myself. instead i just casually brushed it off as a friend. she didn't even notice.

now a random guy is bad enough, but if my friend actually knows the guy... that's even more complicated. which is probably why i've never actually mentioned to anyone that my london guy friend and i are pretty close*.

in fact i first met him while my best friend, her cousin (another friend of mine) and i were in a club a few years ago. i think perhaps he picked up my best friend's cousin or something, i'm not too sure. but it seemed like they were perhaps going to start an almost thing though i know for a fact that nothing happened. but we all hung out together in a relatively big group of friends and soon after my best friend's cousin coupled up with my best friend's guy friend. my london guy friend didn't even bother too much.

despite all that hanging out, i've never been close to my london guy friend. i think maybe in part it was 'coz of my best friend's cousin. though i admit that i always found him somewhat attractive. but i remember the time where we actually talked and got closer... literally. it was while we were squeezed in the back of my best friend's guy friend's van. we were in rather close proximity and we chatted a bit while being squeezed closer together with every turn of the van. and then somehow along the way we must have exchanged IM addresses and started IMing when he went back to london. then came the brief meeting ups whenever he came back for a holiday. and of 'coz there was that fabulous london trip.

so where am i going with this whole background story on my london guy friend? basically my point (long winded as it is) is that he's someone a particular group of my friends actually know. granted he hasn't been in contact with 'em except for me and my best friend's cousin's ex friend (who incidentally was the girl he sorta had a thing with in the beginning of the year).

but yet i've failed to ever mention him. they don't even know that i'm in touch with him or that i visited him in london or that we seem to be starting to be pretty good friends. and least of all that i ever started to fancy him.

i guess it's just gonna stay this way unless something actually happens for real...

* well i don't know how close we are now 'coz we haven't been talking much the last few weeks all thanks to the english premier league. men and their balls... er... football that is...

living vicariously

somehow it felt like it's been ages since i last talked to my london guy friend. it's probably not true, but sometimes a few days seems like a long time.

he IMed me today apologising for not returning my IM over the weekend. it was a bank holiday in london and he had spent the long weekend crashing at different friends' houses and drinking enough to fry his liver. as he happily relived his weekend and told me his happenings, i relished in that feeling of living vicariously through him. it sounded like a blast. it seemed so much fun that i wished i was there. of all the things that we did while i was in london (and that just sounds dirtier than it is. it was really all PG... heck it was G haha!), we didn't actually party together.

i guess i liked it that he had just come back home in the middle of the night and actually wanted to sit down and have an IM conversation with me and tell me what happened to him over the weekend. it's kinda like how i felt the need on 2 occasions to go online in the middle of the night after a nice night of partying to talk to him. and honestly i probably still feel so. perhaps 'coz he's just bout the only person who might be awake at that time courteosy of our timezone differences. or maybe just 'coz i feel like talking to him.

of 'coz i refrain from telling him bout any guy i met while partying. and i didn't ask if he hooked up with any of the girls he was partying with. not that i'm not curious. not that it won't upset me just a tad if he did. but i guess i can't quite hold him to a standard that i may not hold myself.

for now while he's still far away i'll just settle for such conversations we have...

guy friends

sometimes a girl's gotta have her guy friends.

i'm perfectly comfortable being the only girl in the company of guy friends. one, two, three or more guy friends? doesn't really matter to me.

tonight i met up with 2 guy friends i knew from school. actually i spent more time hanging out with one of 'em 'coz the other was pretty late. i hardly get to hang out with 'em and we don't keep in touch much either. but it's always great fun when i do meet 'em. i'm actually closer to one of the guys and we had such a laugh while having dinner and waiting for the other guy to turn up. he always asks such strange and almost inquisitive questions which sometimes sends me into peels of laughter 'coz it's like him to be so weird.

but while i was having a good time, i was also reminded of someone. i knew 'em all at the same school and we used to all hang out occasionally. of 'coz that was before someone kept flaking out on us and i grew tired of inviting him along. besides it's not like he ever suggested a meeting up with us despite all our efforts to meet up with him. but i have to admit that a part of me was struggling internally not to contact him and invite him along. i definitely wanted to see him and hang out and yet i tell myself that i can't always be the one extending the invitation with no reciprocation from the other side.

****

i just received my birthday pressie from my london guy friend. the sweetheart bought me 3 medical thriller books.

now this doesn't sound like chocolates and cotton candy romantic, and he didn't even send a card (which i had hoped he would). but i love books. and i love medical thrillers specifically. patricia cornwell, leonard goldberg, robin cook, tess gerritsen, michael palmer... i've practically read 'em all. and he knows that. he knows that almost nothing gets me more excited than finding a new medical thriller book that i've been wanting to read. so i thought his pressie was sweet. it almost moved me to tears. this is a guy who paid attention to one of those many random things i've said and then put thought into a gift that he knew i would like.

but i don't know... maybe we're just friends?

is this what happens when you get older?

happy birthday to me. today i turn a grand 'old' age of 26.

strangely i don't feel like partying. i feel like having a nice quiet night. but my party girl is all geared up for a party and i don't wanna disappoint her. besides a few other people that we know from the party circuit is also gearing up. can't disappoint 'em either. i'm hoping for just a few drinks and head home relatively early since i still have to work tomorrow. but unfortunately i don't think that's gonna happen.

i'm worried.

i know that there will be quite a bit of drinks... and i'll be the one that they'd want drinking all those drinks. oh gosh...

but i'm telling myself that no more drinking after this. to make sure that that actually happens, i made plans with other friends for the weekend so that i'd be less tempted to head out with my party girl. i really want to cut down on the drinking and party lifestyle. i can't believe i'm actually saying that. am i just getting older?

****

my london guy friend wished me over IM. he told me that he got me a pressie which he's going to mail today. i didn't expect that. what a sweetheart... it's in the lil things that make me swoon... like when i was in london and he was supposed to meet me. he had bought himself a drink and got me one as well even though i didn't even ask. or the time when he burned me a cd of the 8 minute ab workout 'coz we were talking bout it and passed it to me months later when he came over to visit even though i had forgotten all bout it. he also bought me a travel book on london.

and even for out of office eye candy, he tells me to watch out for hot coffee and asks me if i want any food when he's coming into the office 'coz he knows i'm perpetually eating haha! it's all in the lil things.

birthday celebration round 1

i'll be turning 26 mid of next week. and as per my party girl's tradition, when it's one of our girs' birthdays, we celebrate for a week.

so let's just consider this friday as birthday celebration round 1.

my party girl and i headed to the old location of a pub that we frequent. a new pub has been set up there by a few of our friends. and it was so hopping that it was certainly the place to be. i met a lot of the old pub regulars as well as some people i haven't met before. i even met a guy who was so eager in getting me to audition as the backup singer for his band. it was pretty cool.

i also saw this guy again... i had met him while we he was dj-ing in the pub i frequent. he has since left. and i hardly ever saw him until the world cup fever time. well this time it was pretty much the same. we kept giving each other attitude. but i can't deny the effect he has on me. like when i know that he's in the same pub as i am, it's almost like every other guy doesn't seem to matter as much. but of 'coz he doesn't exactly give me the time of day. which brings me to the realisation that maybe i just like the challenge that he presents. i never quite know whether he's interested or not. he'd give me attidude and yet hug and kiss me. he remembers things that i tell him even though i don't even remember telling him and i may not even remember similar things bout him. he'd say that i didn't contact him like i said i would after i came back from my europe trip and yet he wouldn't contact me despite seeing me constantly online after a period of absence. it's all rather confusing. it's almost like he plays my game too well.

but somehow i still find my thoughts drifting to my london guy friend. so much so that i had to get online in the wee hours of my morning so that i could have a chat with him. amidst other random stuff, i told him that i wished that he were here with me for my birthday celebration. he didn't really say anything to that or perhaps he just got distracted with my other randomness. how then can i even think of hinting to him in any way that i sorta fancy him?

i'm sure this will all fade once the alcohol has worn out more...

you think that they want you to call at 4am

life has pretty much gone back to normal. i spent the weekend hanging out with my party girl and the yummy mommy. it was fun to see 'em and party with 'em again.

i was in a good mood, drinking my usual poison and adding some champagne to the mix as well. i remember what a friend once said... "too much alcohol makes you think that all your ex lovers want you to call 'em at 4am". well i wasn't drunk 'coz i never am. and i never drunk call 'coz i wouldn't be able to hear a thing in a noisy club. but i'm not new to the tipsy text. thankfully i've never texted anything incriminating. but it's been ages since i last did the tipsy text.

i almost spoiled that record. i nearly texted my london guy friend. but of 'coz texting him at an unearthly 4am my time would be a rather earthly london time. thank goodness i managed to control it. i have amazing self control.

can you imagine how weird it might be for us if i didn't exercise that self control.

instead i did the rational thing... have a normal online conversation with him... of 'coz by then the alcohol had long worn off...

i left my heart in london

i'm back from my 2.5 week trip to europe.

it was lovely and i had a great time. i went to france, switzerland and london. it was expensive but the trip was worth it.

now i'm back to work and i don't really wanna be back. then again who really wants to be back at work? i still wished i was holidaying. specifically i wished that i was still in london.

i had a fabulous time in london. i met up with an online friend who i've been emailing for years but never had a chance to meet. and i also spent time with a guy friend that i met back home though he's british born.

by spending time i mean that we were together the entire saturday and sunday (from 10am - 12.30am), dinner on monday and all of tuesday (from 10am - 6pm) till i flew back home. i met his friends and we even did the meet the parentals thing. it was all kinda weird. but i like his family.

and now i find myself sorta fancying him a lil. which is so strange since before this trip we weren't that close and i was wondering what on earth would we talk bout and was even thinking of spending just a lil time with him. but then he told me that he saved the entire weekend for me which i thought was sweet. and then i enjoyed myself so much with his company that i wanted to spend the entire weekend with him. and then he asked me to squeeze in some time for him on monday even though i already had full day plans, so i did. and then his parents invited me over to their house on tuesday. it was his father's birthday so we all went for lunch together. and i had a great time getting to know his parents.

so here's the thing... he might have a thing with another mutual friend of ours. okay so she's more his friend than mine 'coz i don't really like her. i always found her sorta fake. and then she cheated on her ex boyfriend who was a friend of mine. but that's a whole other story. but back in feb when he was here visiting, it seemed like they started a sorta thing. i'm not sure if it was official 'coz of the long distance and all. and i didn't ask what's the deal with 'em now either.

when i reached home i texted him to thank him for everything and to let him know that i was back. he didn't reply but he came online later and we chatted. it was nice. pretty much like the usual conversations we might have only perhaps slightly better. i don't know. but of 'coz for all i said i didn't tell him what i was thinking in my head over and over again which is that i miss him.

well i'm sure i'll get over it. it's probably just 'coz i spent to much time with him. with more time i'll get my heart back from london.