closing the chapter of guys

i admit it... i did spend some time thinking bout what to wear this morning. afterall i was supposedly supposed to meet up with my family friend's setup. even if it was just a meet up and not a date.

but even up till 5.15pm, i didn't hear a thing from him. i told myself to hold back and refrain from contacting him. afterall wasn't this planned 2 weeks ago? and i thought it was confirmed a week ago when he texted me that he couldn't make it and suggested next week.

in the end 'coz i just had to know my plans, i relented...

jo: so hey are we still supposed to be on for today?
family friend's setup: oh you didn't remind me! you were supposed to.. i'm not feelin too well.. can feel the flu bug gettin to me. think i'll have an early night.. sorry!

it's not bout him bailing out 'coz he was feeling under the weather. but it was obvious that he didn't remember our meeting up at all. and if he didn't remember, i'm chalking it up to the fact that i'm obviously not important enough.

jo: i thought last week was the reminder haha! oh well you get well soon!

anyhow it's back to my decision that if he wants to find me, he'll know how to find me. i'm done with this. trying and hoping is useless.

but i was still very much in the mood to head out. i contacted a few friends but no one was available or simply uncontactable. i did mention before bout what "wonderful" friends i have right?

however i've learnt that if i'm in the mood, i'll go out alone even if i have to. and so i made my way to cozy hole-in-the-wall bar. it was very quiet as it usually is. for the most part it was just me and the bartender. incidentally she's sorta known to be bisexual (though mostly straight). in fact we've shared an inebriated kiss before. i've known her for a while but never really got a chance to chat so it was nice to finally get that chance. (hmm maybe it's a sign that i really should go for girls instead?)

but i guess i was feeling like looking for some trouble and strangely decided to text not-so-shy texan.

jo: hey howz it going?
not-so-shy texan: hey! i been thinking about you lately :) i am free thur night around 8 and suppose to fly off fri. start new job late next week. you free?
jo: tomorrow ain't good for me... i'm chilling at *insert name of cozy hole-in-the-wall bar* now tho haha!
not-so-shy texan: darn :) ok i can be talked into big drink night tonight at *insert name of club where we first met and where he hangs out on wednesday nights* then if you keen. else then next week when i back
jo: haha! i can't do big drink... only lil drink haha! where you at now tho?
not-so-shy texan: always like that. ok i text you again next week then. have fun.
jo: i can't big drink 'coz tomorrow i still gotta work... bleah haha! but if you want we still can have some drinks...
not-so-shy texan: no busy now at home until later then if i go out i just go *insert name of club where we first met and where he hangs out on wednesday nights* i not sure yet.
jo: alritey... well you have a good trip and a good new start to your job

personally i think he's just being difficult. in fact i can't imagine why i even bother (okay i can... it was boredom kicking in full swing) 'coz he's always been difficult. so well that's another chapter of guys in my life that i'm closing... and in his case, for like the 5th time.

in the end i didn't stay long at cozy hole-in-the-wall bar. just long enough to nurse a whisky dry and then i went on my way home.

oh yes what fun times.

no chances

sometimes i wonder if i'm "sabotaging" my chances for some random stories...

like when i passed up a chance to meet up with not-so-shy texan in order to meet up with my party girl and of 'coz tipsy text dj guy.

today just as i was leaving the office, not-so-shy texan texted to ask me out to a club for drinks later at night. incidentally it was the place where we first met and made out. and one of the places where he hangs out on wednesday nights. so what did i do instead? i decided to head home. okay well i could have gone to meet him except that he was meeting his work friends first before heading to the club and he only invited me to join his work friends a lil too late... when i was already on my way home.

yesterday my not-so-platonic friend kinda invited me out for drinks with his colleagues. what did i do instead? i kept my appointment for a trial personal training lesson at the gym. then again it's obvious that my not-so-platonic friend has found other females to behave inappropriately with. other younger females. yeah well he's very wrong so i really shouldn't feel anything anyhow.

and then there were the 2 calls and a text that i purposely missed from youthful-looking guy. it's funny 'coz even though his number is saved in my phone (as kinda a reminder not to respond), for some strange reason my phone is not showing up his name when he calls or texts. it's like my phone is boycotting him all on its own.

and then suddenly it hit me that the last time i had a makeout session was over a month ago! and the last time i had a good makeout session was over 3 months ago!! that's just crazy!

yes, a lot of fun i'm certainly not having...

it was supposed to be a quiet night in

i didn't intend to head out on saturday night. not after a pretty fuelled friday night. and i do try to keep the alcohol level in check... sorta haha!

but saturday evening and the text messages started rolling in.

not-so-shy texan: hey sexy. are you going out tonight? i don't have plans yet and just drinking frozen drinks at home :)

my party girl: babe wanna go out tonight with *insert name of her guy friend who i also know* and his friends?

so perhaps for the sake of more stories, i should have probably gone with not-so-shy texan. but somehow i just felt more up to partying with my party girl instead of drinking with not-so-shy texan and trying to make conversation.

in the end i met up with my party girl, her guy friend and his guy friend. nothing too exciting there. they are both married. and his guy friend's elder daughter is actually close to my age.

but it was good fun. we opened a bottle of macallan and polished it all off within a relatively short period of time. what can i say? i like my whiskey on the rocks.

soon my party girl and i were dancing it out. that was good 'coz i've been itching to dance since the last few weeks where we've just been chilling out with drinks.

and then somehow we found our way to the club that dj guy now works in. i walked in and saw the mind-reader's friend there who said that the mind-reader was supposedly on his way. i'm not sure if he ever turned up 'coz i was too busy having shots at the bar and trying to stop myself from thinking of dj guy.

yeah well didn't work. it's kinda hard when i found myself making my way to his corner of the bar. and even worst when i found myself texting him later.

you can imagine the hangover as well as the "oh crap i can't believe i did that" feeling...

and yet i didn't get that makeout session that i need...

dating issues

i really, seriously, honestly need to date.

i'm not kidding. i need to get back into the swing of things even though i never really got into that swing to begin with.

but i've just been increasingly starting to realise that i've been increasingly left out in many things in life. it's all too easy to just let life past you by with each passing day. i feel like i'm so busy. and yet when i really think bout what am i actually doing, i can't come up with a whole lot besides some vague answers.

so why dating?

well for one, it would give me more stories to talk bout here...

and for another... as much as dating scares me, i think imagining a lifelong of walking alone scares me more. besides i mean i see most everyone doing the dating thing. so why can't i? why haven't i?

the problem with dating is 'coz there's that whole thing where you actually need a guy to be involved as well. and dealing with another person can be tricky.

i've long been considered to be a rather private person. i think i'm scared that if someone really knew me, maybe they won't like me afterall.

perhaps it has to do with past experiences or whatever, but i approach dating with an almost 'fatalistic' manner. i try not to get too emotionally attached. though of 'coz that's a load of rubbish. 'coz who am i kidding? i totally get emotionally attached. i think i'm just the type to get emotionally attached easily. my main fear of opening up is that i could get my heart shattered into a million pieces when he walks out. and due to this pesky ability to get emotionally attached, i think my heart has been broken too many times. each time serves as a reminder of how i really shouldn't get emotionally attached. but i guess i just can't help myself.

and the environment at large doesn't help much...

all around i see people casually randomly hooking up. it just seems so easy to randomly meet someone and just make out or hook up or whatever. and to be honest, i can't even say that i haven't done the random thing. but where does dating come in? i've never actually dated anyone i've randomly made out with. well okay so there was just one guy. not-so-shy texan. and even then we didn't really date. we only went out once long after the first time we met when we made out. and it was probably only 'coz we kept running into each other after that time. in fact a month ago i just ran into him again. we exchanged numbers again (for like what seems to be the 5th time) and a week later he texted me saying that we should meet up again. i politely agreed. he never actually asked again with a definite day in mind so i'm just not bothering too much.

but i suppose at the core, i'm not really looking for just a casual random one-time thing. i want that feeling of possibility. to give my heart a chance to really feel (as scary as that may be) and to feel that he too feels strongly for me.

i think maybe it should be a sin for someone to express initial interest and not follow through.

slighty paralyzed

friday night was the usual night with my party girl and the yummy mommy. but it was a lil different and basically reminded me of how things were before i became just bout a permanent fixture in cozy hole-in-the-wall bar.

we went to a different bar to celebrate the yummy mommy's friend's birthday. the bar was packed and we had to pretty much stand the entire time. but the martinis were cheap and the music was good so pretty soon the yummy mommy and i were fuelled up and dancing away.

that said, i think i just bout forgot how to be social. i was almost slightly bored 'coz i wasn't exactly in my comfort zone and felt a lil stressed at feeling like i had to try and be more social. i ran into not-so-shy texan who i haven't seen in a year. i was making my way to the bathroom when i saw him outta the corner of my eye. i pretended not to see him and secretly wished he wouldn't recognise me since i have changed my hairstyle. but as i walked past, he grabbed me and we chatted for a bit.

at some point in the night, i was dancing with this guy who was part of the birthday party gang. but then he kept trying to hold my hand even though we stopped dancing. he must really like to hold hands. but i was just not feeling it at all. maybe 'coz he seemed to be hitting on the yummy mommy initially. and soon the player type that he seemed to be, moved on to my party girl. in fact they actually disappeared for a while. when they finally returned, my party girl shared that he tried to kiss her but she wasn't into him.

later us 3 girls headed to another part of town to party. we went to a club that i haven't been in ages. we used to go there practically every week. by then i probably already had a lil too much martinis and some other drinks which means that i'm in my full dance mode.

it was all pretty fun... except that i forgot that in times like these, i really need to keep my phone away from me.

recipients of my tipsy text asking where they were at were the youngest one and dj guy.

the youngest one replied immediately that he was home and asked where i was. i told him and asked him if he was heading out on wednesday. he replied asking if i was drinking and why i was asking bout wednesday so many days in advance. there was a reason. but i decided not to bother to explain. but basically i made plans with some ex-colleagues to head to a club that the youngest one goes to (the one where i met him) on wednesday. i guess i was in part wondering if ladies night was still on and if he might be there.

dj guy replied after a while saying that he was closing cozy-hole-in-the-wall bar. i replied telling him where i was and asking him to look for me. he never replied. as a bonus dj guy was also the recipient of my drunk dial. he never picked up. and he never brought up the subject either. excellent. this once again proves my excellent taste in men.

my latest song obsession is finger eleven's paralyzer. i think that somehow reminds me of dj guy.

"well i'm not paralyzed
but i seem to be struck by you
i want to make you move
because you're standing still"

then again i could also say that bout quite a few guys haha! story of my life so far...

meeting not-so-shy texan

on saturday nite i met up with not-so-shy texan.

it didn't start out too well. when he first asked me out earlier in the week and i replied that i was good to go, he didn't reply which kinda left me wondering if we were actually still up for it or not. the next day he confirmed the meeting up and set the time as 7pm. i said that i would be around town area in the afternoon 'coz of my friend's wedding. that area of town is incidentally near his place. but what happened on the day itself was that he was an hour late. not exactly the best first impression to make on our first meeting up.

the rest of the nite went pretty well though. we had pizza and happy hour drinks at a club and then proceeded to carry on staying there till 1.30am. we talked, laughed and made fun of other people by making up their conversations from afar.

all in all i suppose i had a pretty good time.

though remind me the next time that going to a club as a 'date' with a guy is never a good idea.

the mid-week guys

after a week of drinking hiatus, i feel like my limit has lowered. which probably wasn't all that good since yesterday was ladies nite which means free drinks. okay well so the yummy mommy and i went to a club where the free drinks came with a cover charge price but whatever.

i had fun the way fun was intended to be had. just that wee bit tipsy to have a really good time and just dance it out. it's been a while since i danced it out so it was great to finally actually do that.

while i wasn't on the dance floor, i was trying to get drinks at the bar. i was there often enough that a guy sitting in his lonesome by the bar started talking to me. his opening line was that i looked serious. yeah that's a real pickup line to get the girls falling at your feet. besides i was trying to get a drink. of 'coz i'm serious bout getting that damn drink. what i told him instead was that that was my i'm-having-fun face. he laughed and told me that i was different from other girls. oh well. he seemed nice.

i ran into not-so-shy texan again. he's always at that club on wednesday nites. this time he asked for my number again. he claimed that he changed his number and lost mine. yeah well he must have forgotten that he told me that he was deleting my number. anyway i gave him my number again. i didn't bother getting his. he'd call me if he wants to.

just when i was talking bout how giving me your namecard doesn't mean you don't have to ask for my number, a guy gave me his namecard. apparently he's a friend of a friend of a friend. 'coz my friend told me that he thought that i was cute. he was sitting right across the dance floor with his friends at that time. i didn't even know which guy he was. later he came over to introduce himself. we chatted for a bit. he's an english guy. he seemed cool. but instead of asking for my number, he gave me his namecard and told me to email him. i wasn't intending to contact him. and now even if i wanted to, i can't. 'coz i somehow managed to lose his card. i put it in the side pocket of my bag and somehow it must have fallen out. it's not the first time things have miraculously disappeared. i have to stop putting things in that side pocket of my bag.

so by 12.30am the yummy and i decided to call it a night. we both needed to up for work the next day and actually function (relatively) efficiently. on the way out we were stopped when this guy started talking to me. a few minutes later his 2 friends joined him and one of his friends was pretty cute and we started making eye contact with each other. then he came by and talked to me while the other 2 guys talked to the yummy mommy. we found out that they were french guys. young french guys. younger than me. somehow i always wind up liking the young ones. oh well... the cute french guy and i exchanged numbers. though it was really his friend (the first guy who i talked to) who 'pushed' us to. he told me that he wanted to give me cute french guy's number and asked if i wanted it. i told him sure but that cute french guy was a big boy and could ask for my number himself if he wanted to. so that's what cute french guy did. take out his phone and got my number. usually i don't get the guy's number but what happened this time was that i was having problems working his phone model that i told him to just give me his number and i'd give him a missed call on the spot. i'm tempted to drop him a text. but i think i shall just hold it out. the yummy mommy got the other 2 french guys' numbers and we talked bout meeting up again over the weekend of something. cute french guy said that he might be out of town though. well we'll see how it goes...

rounds of birthday celebrations

it's my party girl's birthday. and she has decided that she wants to celebrate it for a week. which basically means crazy times.

it started on friday. my party girl, the yummy mommy and i went to the usual pub that we frequent. of 'coz who should i meet but not-so-shy texan. i told him that he must be stalking me 'coz i'm seeing him everywhere. later in the nite he asked why is it that we never went out, i told him straight up that he said that he had deleted my number. he admitted that he still had my number stored in his laptop and said that he'd contact me. well we'll see. anyhow i was having fun that nite. the australian psychologist guy texted me and we were flirting through text messaging. and i was also talking to a few other guys including one married guy who kept telling me how i was his type and that he couldn't understand how an attractive woman like me was single. yeah well... married. so not going there.

the partying continued on saturday. the 3 of us started out at our usual pub again. we hung out with some of the regular guys. later all of us proceeded to a club to dance it out. i really needed to dance and was just having a lot of fun. somehow i wound up dancing with one of the guys who we were there with. i think it started 'coz we realised that the buttons on his shirt were easy to open... so i was unbuttoning and buttoning his shirt haha! there was this guy who came up to me and told me that i was his type. is that the latest pick up line? his wife also told me that that was her husband. well married is definitely not my type. so i called him on him being married and that he should be telling his wife that she's his type. i also danced with this brazilian guy. we lost each other for a bit but when i was on the way out of the club, we ran into each other. and then we kissed. it was really random. i didn't even know his name. crazy times.

it's a small world afterall

this place i call home is waay too small...

what are the chances that on saturday night i'd run into not-so-shy texan again?? he was sitting outside a bar when i walked past with my friend hunnybear. i had just sat for hours in a hair salon accompanying my friend hunnybear while she got her hair cut, dyed and highlighted. and by then i was basically starving. so let's just say that while i did the nice thing of stopping by to say hey to not-so-shy texan, i wasn't exactly looking to hang around too long.

we kinda picked up from where we last left off which was comedy night. he said that he was waiting for me to text him to tell him how comedy night was. i'm just amazed that he seems to have forgotten that he was the one who said that he was deleting my number... how did he think i'd respond to that? of 'coz i deleted his number as well. if he really wanted to, he could have asked for my number again faking some excuse and i would have probably pretended that i didn't know the real reason for the loss of my number and give it to him again.

afterall it seems like i'm not gonna be getting rid of this one if i keep seeing him everywhere.

weekends are made of these

it was one of those crazy weekends. where i slept too late, got up too early and generally had to be everywhere.

on friday nite i met one of my party girls aka the yummy mommy and another guy friend scottish beer man (not to be confused with scottish cat man) for dinner at this pub that we frequent. and who should i run into but not-so-shy texan. we were rather friendly. stopping to chat and all that. he was even all like "i'll call you" and "you call me". er... didn't you just text me a month back that you were deleting my number?

anyway after a rushed pizza dinner, the yummy mommy, scottish beer man and i made our way to another club for comedy nite. we lucked out free entries through the boss of the pub. comedy nite was great. very funny. later my other party girl joined us to party. unfortunately it wasn't much of a party 'coz the music was crap.

saturday nite proved to be a rather impromptu kinda crazy. some friends asked me out partying and i agreed since the nite before was rather disappointing. we went to a place that's not usually my style but i was fuelled enough to really get my groove on and have fun. of 'coz the having fun part somehow included this friend of my friend's bf. a young guy. like 4 years younger.

it's rather ironic. 'coz us girls had just been talking earlier bout how we didn't understand why apparently this guy has had a number of girls picking him up 'coz we didn't think he was cute. oh well as the beer (or rather vodka) goggles set in, i found him getting cuter. and i have no idea what happened but suddenly navy boy (let's call him that) and i started talking and dancing closely and holding hands. it was hilarious. before i left, he asked me if i knew his name. oops. i didn't. though he knew mine. we exchanged numbers and he gave me a peck on the cheek and i was outta there.

i still maintain that navy boy isn't my type. and he's definitely too young. not that i mind younger guys... i mean i've gone out with a number of younger guys before... but i don't think he's mature enough. but he does seem nice though. we'll see if he calls. but it doesn't matter if he doesn't.

i just got deleted...

some months ago i met this texan guy in the club where he proclaimed that he was a shy guy and soon after was planting a wet one on me. in the next few days, we exchanged a few text messages and tried to arrange to meet up but it didn't seem to work out 'coz of his work. so then he invited me for some mid-week partying with some of his friends in the same club that we met. somehow i didn't feel the sincereity nor thought that this was any date so i invited my party girls along as well to have some fun. in the end we wound up having a whole bunch of international guys with us and not-so-shy texan was mostly with his friends.

i can't really remember what happened but generally he was being annoying. and on another occasion when my party girls went to that same club in the mid-week, he was there and asked my party girl for her number. she didn't give it to him and i didn't care for him.

a few days later he texted me saying that he saw my party girl and asked if we could meet for dinner. at that moment my brit guy friend was just in town and i wanted to save some time to meet him before he left so not-so-shy texan suggested that i call him when i was free. yeah well i didn't. so this was the text that i just got:

not-so-shy texan: wow never heard from you... guess you forgot or can't be bothered! hehehe... ok i just delete your number... see you around sometime

jo: oops sorry i forgot... it's been kinda crazy lately...

i never got a reply. whatever. i guess i didn't call him 'coz in part things did get crazy busy and in another part i couldn't quite be bothered 'coz he had this ability to annoy me at times.

i guess i sorta find it funny that he deleted me.

on friday i went out with some church friends that i hardly ever meet or even know all that well. but it was real fun to be out with 5 other girls.

later i met my oldest school friend, her guy friend and his friends for partying. that ruined my nite. i didn't like the club, the crowd or the music. i was entirely bored. and there were so many things that annoyed me. including the stupid, ungentlemanly things that the group of guys did.

i just got disillusioned with men.

later prick04 joined my oldest school friend, her guy friend and i for supper. his indecisiveness before the actual decision annoyed me. he's quite a strange one. even my oldest school friend agrees.

i really should have just stuck to hanging out with just the girls.