4 guys to fulfill it all

the med student and i have been chatting on IM a fair bit and i must admit that it's really a joy to talk to him. and it seems like we can pretty much just talk bout anything at all.

somehow we just get along. we have similar interests and a strange number of coincedences. we're both somewhat athletic (acutally he's quite an uber athlete), support the same world cup sports team since the same season, have some similar church values (though he's catholic and i'm christian), love to read and go to the museums. and it's funny that he's a med student with an interest in the business side of things while i'm a business graduate with an interest in medical jargon.

so we were on one of our marathon conversations recently where at one point he "joked" that he believed in polygamy (yes i realise it's clearly not one of those church values haha!).

now i'm all for monogamy. i believe i'm the true blue monogamist type and i want the same for my partner as well. but later in a short break from our conversation, i thought bout it and decided that maybe it wasn't that bad an idea afterall...

maybe i could have one guy to have really good conversations with me, one guy who is a total hottie for the physical chemistry, one guy to provide the money and one guy to treat me really well. yep those 4 guys should settle all my needs.

i think we all search for that one guy to fulfill all those needs... but maybe it's easier to find 4 separate guys instead? haha!

****

maybe i should add one more to the list... one guy to make me laugh?

i had an impromptu lunch meeting up with pool boy who happened to be passing by my workplace location. and then we followed up with some IMing at work. i may not have a whole lot to say to him but one thing's for sure... the boy always cracks me up. that deadpan humour is freaking hilarious.

****

but no amount of laughing really makes me get over the fact that drummer boy still hasn't mentioned a damn thing bout the email!

seriously i'm sad and disappointed in him and that it turned out this way. it's like what my best friend said...

jo's best friend: i thought he was diff too. like someone who would make an effort and not be afraid or at least have the decency to face it when it's time

and i'm also wondering if it's me that no one ever thinks i'm so freaking awesome that they just have to be so proactive and be with me...

yes, i definitely wanna hit someone over the head with the ball...

a date or not a date?

on friday i passed up another chance to go drinking with the yummy mommy to have dinner and catch a movie with pool boy. it's just that i was going to have a really early start on saturday for a one-day road trip with some friends... and i haven't really been feeling like drinking much lately. shocker i know!

so pool boy... that's not a name you hear mentioned all that often. well bout a month ago i ran into him in a sports shop and we grabbed a quick cuppa and had a quick chat. since then it's almost as though we were suddenly reminded of each other's existence once again. so in a failed movie attempt the week before, we decided to catch a different movie this time instead.

honestly i didn't think it was a date. i mean it's pool boy... i kinda think of him as a friend... who i probably started off kinda "dating" in the beginning... all of one date. the very few other times that followed, it was kinda a group thing. meeting up with him wasn't all that bad. i admit that i had some concerns bout what we were going to talk bout. but somehow we managed to keep some kinda conversation going. and it helps when you're being entertained in a movie for almost 2 hours.

but strangely at the end of the night, i found myself wondering if maybe it was kinda sorta a date? i mean he paid for me entirely and sent me home in a taxi (though i could justify that by pointing out that he lives pretty near to me). maybe it seemed like a date but my intention wasn't really a date intention. i guess i'm left wondering if it was a date or not a date.

****

the one-day road trip on saturday was quite a bit of fun. through the course of the day's conversation, i learnt something from my journalist friend who quoted to me what her gay friend said to her... "lazy girls don't get married".

it was hilarious... and just bout enough to propel me and my journalist friend to almost want to do something. afterall we both share some similar characteristics such as even though we're both rather outgoing and friendly, when it comes to guys, we are totally shy and can come off as too calm (this is something the guy based in missouri said bout me and i guess i can consider him the authority on what i'm like in a dating situation since we dated and we're now good friends) or like we don't bother... even when we like the guy.

so we decided perhaps we should take a page outta our cute sweetie-pie friend's book... she recently sent the guy she liked (and has been kinda dating for the last 2 months) a card. the cover had a cartoon picture of a movie theatre and 2 characters sitting side by side with the girl's head on the guy's shoulder and the words "muack! muack" above. the title read "let's go on a date". the inside of the card left space for you to fill in the date, venue and time as well as an rsvp. the card was too cute. and my journalist friend and i were joking bout buying that card in bulk to send out to various guys. but honestly i think if it were to come down to it, we might just chicken out. i mean giving a guy a card like that just bout shouts "i like you". i might as well wear a big sign across my forehead with the words "i like you!".

but that said, i can't help but remember the now-famous words of one gay guy... "lazy girls don't get married"... and maybe it's those words that will replay in my mind and nudge me every time i decide to play it too cool to bother...

and that was probably why i texted the ad-man this morning just to ask him how was his recent 4-day holiday trip and essentially to welcome him home...

i miss my interesting lunches

every morning on my way to work, i plug in my earphones and i'm transported into a musical world of my own...

this morning finch's letters to you was playing... a song i haven't heard in a while... but where the lyrics always captured me...

"i want you to know that, i miss you, i miss you so"

and at that point i felt the pain of missing my not-so-platonic ex-friend. i nearly wrote him an email. i could certainly feel an email drafting in my head. but thankfully for these things, by the time i get to work and get caught up with other stuff, the feeling fades a lil. afterall i'm sure he wouldn't respond...

****

when i saw my family friend's setup come online just before noon, i decided to say hey. i haven't talked to him in what seems like a while and besides i'm usually the one to say hey. we had a bit of a chat bout what we were up to during the weekend (mine included meeting up with pool boy and some of his friends for a local gig. that was pretty fun.).

then somehow it wound up that i had to lunch alone. not that i mind 'coz sometimes i really like to get out alone to have my own space and clear my head. when i told my family friend's setup that i was heading out alone for lunch, he said that he always believed that lunch shouldn't be consumed alone. so i cheekily asked if he felt like driving out. in the end since he works nearby, he wound up picking me up for lunch.

though it wasn't too long a lunch, it was good fun as usual. we do absolutely get along. even if the conversation topic didn't go much beyond new jobs, running shoes and the difference in the age at which men and women peak sexually. i love interesting lunches.

i have a problem

some time ago i was texting my best friend and telling her bout the making out adventures between the youngest one and myself.

best friend: goodness girl how can you not have emotional attachment?
jo: he asked me the same thing too. how not to have emotional attachment. haha! well it's not easy. i am emotionally attached a lil.

much as i always like to talk bout emotional detatchment and how you (really meaning myself) can't really afford to get too emotionally attached, i admit that i'm probably one of the first ones not to heed my own advice and wind up getting emotionally attached.

and i think i've realised what the exact cause is.

in the last few months i've been talking to guys a fair bit. and i don't mean just meeting a new guy in the club and idly chatting. i mean really talking. a 45 min conversation with key account executive. few weekends of communicating with the youngest one, including middle-of-the-night conversations. long IMs with shy colleague.

the thing is, the more i talk to someone, the more i find out the lil quirks, the more i wind up getting emotionally attached. and the more i want to talk to the person. but the problem is that just 'coz i had 1 or 2 (or even 3 or 4) good conversations and a seeming connection, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. i think for some reason, i place too much value on good conversations... and of 'coz a needed level of attraction. sadly i can't say that my previous conversational connections have turned out all that well. for the most part it just fizzles away... taking the great conversation with it... but since i already got emotionally attached, that just leaves me a lil disappointed.

i don't want to be disappointed time and time again. that takes up too much energy and a certain essence of me. that's probably why i just keep telling myself not to get too emotionally attached...

but the truth is...

oops... too late.

and too late it certainly is. 'coz much as i wanted to deny it, somewhere somehow i wound up getting emotionally attached to the youngest one.

despite all the reschedulings / cancellations of our appointments (which never came through), i still couldn't help but want to see him. so after much thinking, on friday night i decided to just give it a try.

jo: so do you think you'll keep to our plans if i ask if you're free for dinner this weekend?

i never heard from him. he has always replied to me... maybe late but always replied.

so i dealt with it the only way i knew how...

jo: i'm still waiting... if he doesn't reply at all, i'm done...
best friend: sigh was gonna ask...
jo: i'm so tired of letting my heart feel and then getting hurt. i really need to stop this emotional attachment crap...
best friend: maybe he's away. either way you'll know where you stand then you can regroup.
best friend: don't let your heart in yet. put your guard up and protect yourself. you're worth more than being strung along. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
jo: gosh i hate emotional attachment...
best friend: you still have me. love you babes. just divert your attention.

after a long day on saturday, i decided to head out with pool boy and 2 other of his guy friends and just be social. we just sat around and chilled out which was nice.

divert my attention. wasn't that what my best friend said?

but i still couldn't resist texting the youngest one...

jo: so did you not receive my text or does silence mean consent?

i held my breath... and got my reply...

the youngest one: jo is it? i lost my phone... just got my phone back... tomorrow i don't think so... just sold my bike so don't feel like leaving my house

we exchanged some texts back and forth and sorta said that perhaps we'd party next weekend. but i just didn't feel the connection we used to have. the friendship even.

and that bothers me.

but at this same time maybe i'm starting to like him less... perhaps 'coz i haven't been talking to him much recently?

so why is it that i can't seem to quite get him outta my mind... nor that feeling of wanting to contact him?

vday almost date

it wasn't even 9am when my phone chirped informing me of a new text message.

pool boy: hey, made any plans for v day? if not, wanna get together?"

whoa!

seriously that was exactly the first thought that went through my mind.

i'm one of 'em weird ones who has issues with going out on vday with a guy i'm not committed to. there's just too much pressure. dinner is too expensive. and there are too many couples vying for the most romantic lovebirds and biggest bouquets contest. i don't feel like subjecting myself or any guy who i'm not even sure bout to all this pressure.

anyhow this year i had the best (or rather worst) 'excuse'.

jo: unfortunately i have school! seriously the coordinators in school really need to work on their scheduling

yes, it is true. i have classes on vday night.

gonna be my best vday yet.

times like these

obviously no one told someone that you can't ask someone for their hospital ward number and then don't visit or send flowers or whatever. i was perfectly okay with the fact that he replied to my text message and inquired how i was. then he asked for my hospital ward number. and that made me anticipate him visiting me, sending me flowers... something. but that didn't happen. even though he did reply after i texted him to let him know that i was discharged.

sometimes it's times like these when you know who are the people who truly care.

i'm not writing off someone as an uncaring person 'coz at least he did reply. i'm just noting that he has more growing up to do. (side note: i just read from his blog that he's intending to join the same triathlon i'm interested in this year. it will be his second triathlon. i was already impressed when he went for his first sprint triathlon last year. now he's going for the olympic distance. wow! i'm really impressed. i myself am definitely not ready for that...)

pool boy remembered to text me the day before i was warded. i didn't expect that. he does continue to surprise me a lil. he didn't follow up after though. i told out of office eye candy at the last minute and he replied but that was it. i guess i would have expected a lil bit more given that we have a fair bit of work interaction and we're also somewhat friends. i told another guy colleague that i'm pretty close to at the last minute as well and he followed up with me a few days later apologising that he didn't have the time to visit me but was hoping that i was doing well. and perhaps even more strange was that the key account executive actually called me minutes before i was warded 'coz he just saw my email. that i totally didn't expect.

but it's also times like these where you realise that all this doesn't always matter as long as you've got the people closest to you by your side... gotta love family and friends.

the testimonial

recently pool boy asked if he could add me as one of his friends in *insert name of internet social network service*. i thought why not? not that i actually even bother with those. today i received a testimonial from him via that internet social network service that honestly nearly caused me to fall outta my chair...

this was what he wrote:

"jo is, by far, the coolest girl i have ever dated. ok, so i probably dated less than a dozen girls in all the years of my life combined, but still, jo is quite the study in contradictions.

very friendly and yet coolly sophisticated at the same time, kinda like a cozy hut located at the peak of mount everest. or a medic dispensing medical help amidst a crowd of violent rioters. or a book about the secrets of life written in an exotic, alien language ;)

haha, i have officially run out of dopey metaphors. it’s good knowing you. here’s to a great 2007. keep in touch!"

my very first thought was that if i approved this testimonial, all my friends will probably think that he and i dated. we had one date. i'm not sure if i'd call him a guy i dated 'coz that just seems like we should have had more than one date. and of 'coz my second thought that came soon after was "he thinks we dated??"

but okay i admit that that was a really sweet testimonial from him. and despite knowing me for a relatively short period of time, he seems to have figured out that i'm contradictory (nevermind that that's exactly the word that i used to describe myself in my profile in that internet social network service). and his dopey metaphors were actually quite interesting and rather descriptive of myself. so in his eyes i'm coolly sophisticated and different from the crowd? that's pretty cool to have someone think of me that way though most of the time i just feel like the bumbling, fumbling dork.

saturday, saturday

today i realised firsthand the drawbacks of meeting a guy in the pool...

you can't get the decent workout you were hoping for.

i went to the pool for a swim and did a couple of laps feeling somewhat accomplished that i could actually achieve something that i wasn't sure i would be able to and in a timing that i was somewhat comfy with. my initial plan was then to spend more time working on further improving my timing without expending too much energy.

but all that changed.

bout 15 minutes later in walks pool boy.

so of 'coz we had to have a bit of a chat. it's still pretty easy to talk to him but i did find myself wondering at one point when we would actually run out of things to talk bout. he asked me out for a movie tonight but i declined saying that i might have plans. well in a way it was true. the week before the australian lesbian texted me asking me to hang out but since i was busy i suggested today instead. i might have actually gone out but she didn't contact me and lately i really have been totally off partying. but then i didn't really feel like going to watch a movie with pool boy either. and not 'coz i didn't want to watch that particular movie he suggested. it was like all i wanted to do was to laze around at home.

which of 'coz then leaves me lazing around at home on a saturday night.

sometimes i'm not sure what's wrong with me. perhaps it's just 'coz i'm not really attracted to pool boy and not really interested in anything more than just friends. or maybe partying has just become such a turnoff for me. or perhaps i'm just really tired out. but i guess what i'm more worried bout is that i may be slowly turning into a hermit and not even realising it. that as other commitments and (solitary) interests in my life are increasing, i have put social stuff and partying in the backseat. or maybe on the more positive side i could finally be done overthinking the whole guys and social thing and just be happy doing the things that i'm interested in... even if it means doing 'em alone.

but hey if i find someone (and i mean a cute guy) along the way, that'll be great too.

the christmas weekend

merry christmas!

it's been a kinda hectic time so be prepared for a looong one...

on friday i met up with my ex-classmate based in china who was back home for the week. my oldest school friend and another ex-classmate also joined us. later the 4 of us girls went to meet some of my ex-classmate based in china's friends in a club. they were supposed to be having a boy's night out. and i suppose we were supposed to be 'invading' it. so at promises of meeting cute guys, we all trooped to the club.

the night turned out to be somewhat boring. i'm not exactly sure why i thought that it wouldn't be since i've been bored all the times i've gone to that particular club. i don't like the crowd and i don't like the music. usually i try and stay away from there. as for my ex-classmate based in china's guy friends. well i did talk to a few of 'em and i did get along pretty well with 2 in particular. but for the most part those guys weren't really my type. and some were even married!

so in a bored-and-looking-for-excitement mood, my oldest school friend and i asked this married guy (who wasn't wearing a ring so i had to ask him pointblank first if he was married like i heard from another guy) if he thought kissing another girl was cheating. he said something bout a feeling. and then later sorta admitted that he didn't exactly think it was cheating. so i turned the tables around and asked if he would consider it cheating if his wife kissed another guy. well to him that was cheating. talk bout double standards.

****

almost 2 weeks ago pool boy and i made plans to meet and saturday was the day. we got along well. just as we had the first time we met in the pool. i'm strangely rather comfy with him. and he's pretty sweet. he had just gotten back from a week-long vacation in taiwan and had bought me a bracelet. i totally didn't expect that and thought that it was nice of him to think of me. maybe he did 'coz he hasn't been on a date in 6 months. i have no idea why he told me that. and i found myself thinking "we're on a date??" okay so i probably know that that was a date but i've just never liked the word 'date'. he also told me that he's been single for 3 years and though he does club, has never asked a girl for her phone number in the club before. apparently he just asks girls he meets in the pool. i guess the impression i got was that he isn't a player type. and he's not too bad in the looks department as well. but somehow i just don't think i'm all that attracted to him. i don't know why. he seems nice and all but i'm just not feeling it.

****

christmas eve i had that christmas event that someone 'invited' me to join. but the night before i received a text from him.

someone: "hey, tmr we are gathering in *gathering place*. bus is catered for down to *place where event is held* :)
jo: okay cool. see ya then! :P

i thought that was it. and honestly that would have been perfectly fine. but then he goes on to send this which just messes with me...

someone: "i must apologise that i can't be with you more often. heh. hope you understand cos i am program in charge. so will need to be running about most of the time
jo: no worries. maybe we can catch up again after you're less busy
someone: i will still be busy. but will make time. heh. :) really glad u can join us in this. want to join our group? heh. :)
jo: haha! i'll hold you to that so no excuse for you anymore haha! :P i'm definitely glad to be able to be a part of this. i wouldn't mind checking out your group.

so just as he predicted, i hardly saw him on the event day except for one moment when i was carolling and we smiled. but it didn't matter 'coz i was busy with the event and having fun. even though it was soo tiring, it was also very rewarding and fun. and i even got to make some new friends.

after the countdown was over and as we were gathering to head back, i saw someone again. i had hoped that we would be able to wish each other a merry christmas. but somehow he was just too busy with all his friends. i'm positive that he saw me. we were practically next to each other at one point. but he chose to ignore me and i chose to do the same. it's like we're back in school playing a game. that really messes with me. one minute he's all friendly and the next he's ignoring me. it's just crazy.

but what's crazier still is that i still like him. gosh! i'm pathetic.

last one on the shelf?

since that time pool boy picked me up at the pool, he's been texting me to ask me out a couple of times and so far i've been unable to make it for any of 'em. i'm not exactly interested in him but we do seem to be able to get along and find topics to talk bout. plus he's pretty eloquent and cracks me up.

it was kinda a surprise for me to receive his text this morning...

pool boy: hey any chance you may be interested in a group date of sorts?
jo: sure what do you have in mind?
pool boy: we get some guys and gals together for dinner. i will find the eligible bachelors of course :)
jo: haha! of 'coz. it's like your own speed dating. you have that many single friends?
pool boy: yeah. IT is a sad sad world dominated by men and robots. i can prob find 2, 3 guys after rounds of elimination. ha ha
jo: hahaha! what's your elimination criteria?
pool boy: those with more than 2 gf are obviously out :) then the panel of judges will criticise the rest. those who don't run off crying win.
jo: more than 2 previous gfs is a deal breaker? or you mean 2 current gfs haha! yes need strong men who can stand the gruelling test of judging.
pool boy: 2 current gf, or it will be slim picking. ha, but i kid, the guys are currently single or involved in secret affairs i know nothing about
jo: hahaha! of which if any of us girls find out any secret affairs later you will plead innocence and be off the hook. smart. very well thought out.
pool boy: yeah, i should have been a lawyer. so how about it?
jo: yeah i'm in. i mean only 2 current gfs. possible secret affairs? what's not to love? haha!
pool boy: cool! try to get gals with no more than 2 bfs as well :) would you like the honor of choosing time and venue as well?
jo: unfortunately all my friends have bfs... or at least just one that they are committed to. wow! i never realised that i officially don't have ANY single friends!

that realisation shocked me a lil. you mean to say i don't have ANY single friends. besides my best friend but since she's overseas, she doesn't really count. i thought hard and i thought long. and i still couldn't come up with a single friend that wasn't married or attached.

isn't that scary?

oh wait... i do have some single friends... but we're not close so they don't count either.

ack! is this what being left on the shelf feels like? get me off this shelf! haha!

attracted and unattracted

this weekend was interesting...

****

i had a dream bout out of office eye candy. in my dreamscape we were pretty good friends and he told me to read his blog. when i did, i found out that the latest post was bout him proposing to his girlfriend. in my dream i remember feeling a lil upset but at the same time thinking bout how this meant that i had to give up any feelings for him. in real life i've never even heard bout him mentioning a blog before. and as for proposing to his girlfriend, i'm not even sure if they are marriage kind of serious. perhaps it's just a delayed reaction of what my boss said before.

****

i went for a swim and got picked up by this guy. it's kinda unnerving 'coz i had no makeup on and was wearing less clothes than i normally would be when meeting a guy for the first time. his opening line was to tell me that he liked my hair. it's always the hair. but we got along pretty well. he asked me for coffee after our swim but since i already had plans he asked to exchange numbers instead. he hasn't contacted me yet but it's okay 'coz to be honest i'm not really all that attracted.

but i guess this almost makes me rethink what i said previously bout how what i've been preoccupied with lately isn't exactly helping me to be any less single. i guess i kinda thought of my pursuits as a more solitary kinda thing.

****

later at night i went with my party girl and my aussie ex jim beam girl to a house party hosted by a guy my aussie ex jim bean girl once hooked up with recently. he's friends with a group of guys who we know from a bar since one of the guys is the manager there. i had never actually met the host of the party before though i've certainly heard bout him. when we were introduced he looked at me and went wow and told me that i was hot. he kept telling me that throughout the night which i thought was kinda laying it on too much. and he was telling his other guy friends as well which felt a bit weird. he likened me to a hockey girl, whatever that means. i found him hot but he was also obviously a player since his supposed girlfriend was at the party too.

the party was pretty fun. sometimes house parties are better than dancing it out in the clubs. i talked to a few guys. but somehow i don't know how it happened but i managed to wind up on the bar manager's lap. we were on the couch and i was lying on top of him with him nuzzling my neck from behind. we never kissed though. which i suppose is kinda odd since he asked me to go home with him. but i didn't. he's a bad boy. and he tells me that but i've always found him pretty attractive.

as i was going to head home i somehow wound up sharing a taxi with one of the guys from the party. we were introduced but we never actually talked. but in the taxi he leaned over and kissed me a couple of times. a disappointing kisser i must admit. perhaps just to be polite he asked for my number and i gave it. i'm not attracted to him though. i probably should have just kissed the bar manager. but everyone was right there and i kinda like to stay away from such public displays. i don't really want to be the next topic of conversation and i already know these guys do tell each other everything. my aussie ex jim beam girl found that out first hand. i'm curious to see what happens the next time i meet the bar manager. i'm hoping that we might actually get to kiss soon. but i'm no fool, i don't have any expectations of him. he's just a bad boy.

anyhow i had a good time. even though i did come out of it with unexplainable bruises on both sides of my upper arms. my only possible theory is that it came from the guy who came up behind me unannounced and gave me a voluntary massage. i'm not sure who he was but he must have been stronger than i realised. then again i'm not bout to turn down a massage especially when i'm aching after a long swim and short run.